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chris1989
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28 Dec 2018, 4:37 pm

Is that one of the reasons why I am still single ? Am I missing out by not doing these things when I don't want to. I seem to think because I have Asperger's, I am therefore un-dateable to NT people. I hate myself for it sometimes. I would really though prefer to meet someone who doesn't have Asperger's but understands me and knows how I feel.



kraftiekortie
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28 Dec 2018, 4:40 pm

I pretty much stopped going to bars after the age of 21. I did much better after I stopped going to bars.

I mean the type of bar where there's just a few tables, a main "bar" with stools as seats, and maybe a few games. There's usually maybe one or two TV's in the bar these days. In the old days, it was an old black-and-white set.

I don't mind "sports bars," and bars which have trivia contests.

I don't drink alcohol, by the way.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 28 Dec 2018, 4:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Joe90
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28 Dec 2018, 4:51 pm

I believe my very little number of friends is due to me not liking bars and clubs and drinking. I know people say "oh not everyone likes that", but it just seems like every person I meet (like work colleagues and even family) seem to spend their Saturday nights out at bars, and the older generation talk about when they used to go to bars when they were younger. Even people that are possible Aspies (have a lot of ASD traits and suffer with anxiety and other things) seem to have pictures of themselves out at a noisy bar, according to Facebook. So going to bars and all that is a common activity among humans, and the people who don't go out are like looking for a needle in a haystack.


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IstominFan
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28 Dec 2018, 5:30 pm

I never saw the attraction of the bar scene. I don't drink alcohol in public, because I don't want to get a DUI. It took me so long to get a license that I don't want to lose it.



Ichinin
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28 Dec 2018, 5:34 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I pretty much stopped going to bars after the age of 21. I did much better after I stopped going to bars.


Wow, you're smarter than me, i stopped going sometime before 25.

As for the topic: The likelyhood of finding love in a club or bar is close to zero. Those are meatmarkets, and to be successful on a meatmarket, you need social skills and to know "the game" that those NT people have.

There are dating sites, those have worked better for me than the local meatmarkets. Basically, if you exchange clubs and bars with dating sites, you're not losing anything, you're gaining everything.

I rarely drink alcohol. During 2018, i drank on one day out of 365.


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28 Dec 2018, 5:39 pm

Probably. I don't get the point of getting drunk. I like to be in control of myself.
I like pub quizzes and I like the occasional Celtic match you can get but tbh there's a CSC in this city and I'd rather just stay in and watch football at home unless I'm already out.
I'm 20% sure I'd find someone who liked me back if I went to a lesbian bar. (As low as that because I look like a child and I don't seem NT, I'm sure NT women who look average are hooking up in lesbian bars every Friday night). But it isn't worth it, I'm ok with being single and they're all shutting down anyway. What else is there? The internet? That's an even dumber place to meet someone. I feel sure I'd be cat fished. My dad was cat fished. Not for money, because someone thought it was funny.
And I wouldn't want the sort of woman you can get from a bar. What does that show you have in common? Basically, sex and drinking and that's it. Everything else might be different.



IstominFan
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28 Dec 2018, 5:47 pm

I'd definitely steer clear of the Internet as a dating site. I'd be afraid of finding a stalker. Also, people lie in their profiles, a big red flag for me. (To be honest, if I said the whole truth about myself online, the number of responses I'd get would be zero).



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29 Dec 2018, 1:27 am

TUF wrote:
I wouldn't want the sort of woman you can get from a bar. What does that show you have in common? Basically, sex and drinking and that's it. Everything else might be different.

I don't suppose everybody in every bar is after sex, though I guess some bars are basically pick-up places. The only thing I expect they have in common is that they like bars and drinking. So it wouldn't have made sense for me to have looked for partners in bars when I wanted a partner, as I don't like the places (too crowded, noisy and uncomfortable, too many people getting drunk and behaving insensitively, and it can take me a long time to get the seller's attention to buy a drink). I hardly ever drink alcohol anyway and I like being frugal and would rather spend my money on things I want. Only things I'd visit a bar for would be to listen to the kind of live music I enjoy, or to perform live music myself.

I know a high percentage of people go to bars a lot, but with the human population being so dense in cities, there are still plenty of potential partners to choose from outside of bars. I think the best thing is to go to places you like so that you'll find others who like those places too. I think online meeting has its merits - not necessarily specifically dating websites, in fact websites for specific activities you like might be a better way - as long as you're careful and understand that until you've met them you can't be sure of much about them, and that if you do meet them, you'd best be careful not to put yourself in too dangerous a situation.



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29 Dec 2018, 3:03 am

I have spent about $10 in such places, yet I have had an above average number of lady friends. What "works" for me is being interesting, but not "interested." When I am the first to feel attraction, it never advances. Unfortunately, I never attracted someone I wanted to stay with. Pretty sure more bar time would not have helped.



Upsilon
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29 Dec 2018, 3:29 am

I despise bars and clubs, it's just utter chaos and not fun at all.

IstominFan wrote:
I'd definitely steer clear of the Internet as a dating site. I'd be afraid of finding a stalker. Also, people lie in their profiles, a big red flag for me. (To be honest, if I said the whole truth about myself online, the number of responses I'd get would be zero).



Then where do you suggest you find a potential partner if you don't like bars and clubs?



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29 Dec 2018, 7:41 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
TUF wrote:
I wouldn't want the sort of woman you can get from a bar. What does that show you have in common? Basically, sex and drinking and that's it. Everything else might be different.

I don't suppose everybody in every bar is after sex, though I guess some bars are basically pick-up places. The only thing I expect they have in common is that they like bars and drinking. So it wouldn't have made sense for me to have looked for partners in bars when I wanted a partner, as I don't like the places (too crowded, noisy and uncomfortable, too many people getting drunk and behaving insensitively, and it can take me a long time to get the seller's attention to buy a drink). I hardly ever drink alcohol anyway and I like being frugal and would rather spend my money on things I want. Only things I'd visit a bar for would be to listen to the kind of live music I enjoy, or to perform live music myself.

I know a high percentage of people go to bars a lot, but with the human population being so dense in cities, there are still plenty of potential partners to choose from outside of bars. I think the best thing is to go to places you like so that you'll find others who like those places too. I think online meeting has its merits - not necessarily specifically dating websites, in fact websites for specific activities you like might be a better way - as long as you're careful and understand that until you've met them you can't be sure of much about them, and that if you do meet them, you'd best be careful not to put yourself in too dangerous a situation.


Maybe but wherever I go, everyone seems to be straight and actually most women seem to be way too old for me (I'm talking about being like 30/40 years older than me, I'd have to want a cougar to want them), as well. Just my luck, I guess.
It's tough enough to say 'I don't want a boyfriend' let alone picking one of them up lol. And they're really not my type...
Maybe if I went out more in the evening, I wouldn't just find retired old ladies.
I wouldn't assume everyone in a bar was after sex but I would assume everyone in certain bars wouldn't be homophobic so approaching them would be less risky.
I'm ok with being single though.



b9
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29 Dec 2018, 9:15 am

i don't like them either.
clubs and bars are blunt instruments often used to bludgeon people to death.



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29 Dec 2018, 9:52 am

I like them just for having some people around me but they aren't a good place for me. But it's the way I learned a bit about me and my problems and also a bit more about human psychology.


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zcientist
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29 Dec 2018, 10:22 am

I'm ok with the local bar if there is me and three or four others in the room once in a blue moon. Aside from that situation, likely no, unless there are people I know with me; and with that in mind it still can't be scary crowded.


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29 Dec 2018, 11:14 am

I'm ok in a quiet bar with a few friends, but hate noisy one where I can't hear people talking and have to shout all night.

I don't mind a club if I can just get lost in the music and dance. It's like a form of stimming for me. :)