Why won't people talk to me on a dating site ?

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I feel like no one bothers reply to me on dating sites, all I get is views and that's it. I don't know why, I've messaged people saying Hi, how are you ?, and so on. I do feel sometimes like a stereotypical unattractive nerd from cartoons and american comedy films who has signed up to a dating site full of attractive people. I used to get messages from people when I started using it but now hardly anyone replies to my messages. It frustrates me and I feel maybe they have met someone already and haven't bothered to delete their profiles. Are they turned off by me because I've got long hair and smiling ?

That's a clue.

Your messages may be perceived as "creepy".
Your messages may be perceived as offensive.
Your messages may be perceived as ordinary.

To attract interest, be interesting.

I hated dating sites. I have no idea how some people made successful relationships out of them. For one thing I am not photogenic at all, doesn't matter how naturally I pose, the camera always makes my face look long. If I smile with my mouth open my front teeth look too bright, if I smile with my mouth closed I look weird, and if I smile with my mouth a little bit open it doesn't always look like I'm smiling at all. I suppose these days there are all these photo filtering apps you can get, but before I met my boyfriend I don't think these face filtering apps were a thing back then.

I didn't attract many men on the dating sites. Or the ones I did attract weren't really my type. One didn't post a profile picture, he wanted to get to know me before revealing himself through a Skype webcam. So I asked him what he liked, etc etc. Then he said he will reveal himself on the webcam, so I turned my Skype webcam on, and he wasn't really the type of man I was looking for. He was Indian but lived in London. I'm more attracted to white men. No it's not 'racist'. So anyway, I said to him that he's not really my type (I didn't mention his race or anything), to which he got all nasty and sarcastic. But when looking for love, you can't just date the first man that comes along. Friends are different, I can be friends with anyone, but with a relationship I look for certain type. My boyfriend ticks all the boxes. Well, except for the smoking and his allergy of cats, but I love him anyway.

Last edited by Joe90 on 31 Jan 2019, 6:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Just curious, Joe - how did you meet your boyfriend then?

Obviously not on a dating site. I met him on the bus. I saw him often on the bus that I got a lot, and we just got talking, and then he asked me on a date.

Very few men get responses on those sites. Not worth bothering with.

It's normal, so don't take it personally.

Unfortunately, women get a lot of messages and just don't respond much of the time.

If you wish to increase your chances of getting a response, you'll need to go beyond just "Hi" and "How are you". Draft an interesting message and personalize it depending on her profile. You're going to have better luck if you choose women based on similar interests. So, if you find one that has a similar interest, talk about that interest in your message. Keep it "conversational".

Your expectations do matter. If you're looking for just a friendship, make sure it is apparent in your message and find those who are looking for the same. You want to make them interested.

If you have some female friends, ask for their help in what to say and how to say it. Ask the women here, I'm sure some wouldn't mind helping over in the relationships forum.

Think about it from this perspective. If you received, say, 30 or 40 messages and could only respond to 1, which would you choose and why? What criteria would you use? (There are no right or wrong criteria). I'm not saying this is exactly how things work, but it might give you a better idea as to how best to approach it.

Awww, that's a nice story!

The reason I asked you is to illustrate to our members that there are other ways to meet people!