I hate travel and mum won't holiday without me...

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I don't want to travel or go on holiday. I hate the disruption to routine it brings even if it isn't bad in sensory ways as it often is.

Mum wants to go on holiday.

I'm 30 and can cope on my own. Yes, I eat a lot at their place but this is really about her 'missing me'.

She keeps guilt tripping me because she wants to go on holiday. I've told her many times they can go just as a couple but she won't take the hint and do that, she insists on family holidays.

I mean at my age, most NTs aren't holidaying with their parents.

What's the solution to this? Ideally one which makes me happy too.

poor mum, no hols this year...

Sounds like emotional blackmail and I'm sorry you are on the receiving end.

(My apologies if I have mis-read the situation)

Sometimes all a person can do is set limits and stick to them. Perhaps a compromise? or Perhaps you can just say no?

I've said no. She still insists. She says 'in case you've changed your mind'...

I don't get why she doesn't just go.

And the situation is - this is the first year in 5 years I'm back to my 'old self' of actually leaving the house and interacting in public with someone other than a doctor. So ... expecting holidays is a bit much.

We have a wonderfully close family but it can be a bit suffocating. I'm sure in a few years I'll want to go with her but this year, I just don't want to go with anyone/on my own, and she's taking it personally.

And we'll never go on brightly lit holidays again because of my eyes, something else she blames me for. She even has light sensitivity herself and blames me for the holiday thing. I really want to go to somewhere nice and sunny but there isn't a cure for light sensitivity beyond glasses and sunhats.

I can sympathize with the light sensitivity thing. I'm really sensitive myself, and even the light in my fridge is too bright for me.

Maybe you could plan to do something with her before she leaves for her trip.
Or you could skype.

When I was a kid we were a family of 6 and when we went out somewhere I would be very upset when one of us stayed behind. It didn't feel right if only 5 of us were going.

I used to go on day trips with my daughter and her children but they are all grown now and I miss those days

Things change, but your mom will get over it.

Is going on holiday with your family weird then?

I'm going on holiday soon with my mum and 2 aunties. But A, I chose to go with them, B, we are like a foursome of mates, C, I do have a boyfriend and I do go on holiday with him too, and D, I don't really have many friends close enough to go on holiday with.

There is nothing wrong with going on holidays with your mother when you are 30 but there is something very, very wrong in not accepting "no" as an answer.

You are adult, you know yourself, you know your needs and feelings, you have all your right to refuse if you feel that way. IMO, you have your right to fight for it if needed. That are your boundaries, you need them to recover from burnuots, you need them to keep yourself sane and those who claim to love you must respect them!

Nothing wrong with going with family (only way I'd go on holiday) but no command that you have to go if they go, like there would be if say you were 10. It isn't Home Alone territory to leave you.

I just need to let her know there will be other years and that her nagging for it to be this year every time I bring up that it was nice isn't necessary.

That or not tell her about my memories or reminisce with her because it gives her ideas.

My parents are the opposite way. They took trips after I became an adult mostly so they could get away from me for a bit cuz I'm too demanding. I like schedules, routines, & predictability too much for them to like dealing with me.

My advice is to stick to your guns with saying No & if she decides not to take the trip, that's on her.