Can I rightfuly have a midlife crisis at 35?

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neptunekh
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07 Apr 2019, 3:54 pm

I feel at 35 my daily routine is messed up because I never went to freaking college because of my stupid asperger/autism. I would love to have a job but instead I have do volunteer work. I have behavioral problems and I feel my adult life is messed up and its too late to change.



blazingstar
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07 Apr 2019, 4:17 pm

It's never too late to change, and in the time frame of my life, you still have a long time before you run out.

You are entitled to a midlife crisis whenever you want to have one. Just realize they are frequently more trouble than they are worth.


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naturalplastic
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07 Apr 2019, 7:42 pm

No.

Its against the law to have a midlife crises prior to ….some age, or other, I forget. Some cutoff.
Anyway ...they pull you over, and check your id. If the birthdate on your Driver's, or Age of Majority Card, is too recent, they fine you for having a midlife crises.

But all seriousness aside: at 35 you can legally run for president of United States according to the U.S. Constitution. So 35 can be middle age if you want it to be. So go ahead crises away!



NeilM
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07 Apr 2019, 8:59 pm

By all means, have your mid-life crisis to your heart's content! If anybody has anything to say about it, tell 'em I said it was ok.

Now, as for the rest of your life, it starts tomorrow. IOW, it is never too late to make a change by taking the steps necessary to enter a nearby university or community college and get on a meaningful path to a fulfilling life. Yes, I know it is more challenging for us on the spectrum (I was there myself long before there was anything known about AS) but there is a book you can get now that will prepare you and see you thru the process. It is "Succeeding in College with Asperger Syndrome: A Student Guide" and it is available from Amazon.

So take this first step by getting the book and then follow thru into your studies. Wish you the best and check in with us occasionally.


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Rustifer
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08 Apr 2019, 3:43 am

That would make sense because 70 would be a common death age for many.



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08 Apr 2019, 4:07 am

What kind of volunteer work? I mean if you've got some experience with that you can put it on a resume.

Also If you do have disability issues, vocational rehab can be helpful....but I think you have to have some level of disability to get help through that as it is basically help for disabled people to get in the work force. You have to be direct about what you need help with and things like that because they don't always know where you are at. First time I tried it they just gave me a job coach person who was trying to teach about applying for jobs which did not help me at all really. I ended up getting a job for part time, and they ended up giving me hours far beyond full time hours but with minimal pay. Didn't realize till they stopped giving me hours that the position wouldn't work. I mean no text from the boss it wasnt working out, no indication that they were considering letting me go till randomly I just saw I had no scheduled hours for the foreseeable future and just kind of accepted they didn't want me anymore...and felt really butturt about it.

But this time around with voc-rehab I persisted that I needed more help than a job coach and so I have been getting help to get into a more permanent job which would be cool, but I really had to persist that I needed like actual help not just advice on applying to jobs. So with voc rehab you really have to kind of figure out how to articulate what you need so they can help get you into a program to get a more permanent job, because if you don't you just get the most basic of help that won't really help if you disability is autism and having a hard time interacting with people.


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Sweetleaf
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08 Apr 2019, 4:22 am

Rustifer wrote:
That would make sense because 70 would be a common death age for many.



I don't like to think about that...its just too depressing to think of, how much time do I have left. I mean I hope maybe with age the idea of death will feel better. But for now every time I think about it, it freaks me out.
Like for all I know you die and then that's it no more awareness of anything, but like it freaks me out,I don't want it to happen but I know its inevitable. So I mean what to do, like there is nothing to do for it eventually age catches up and you die but I suppose it is hard to accept that. I mean whenever i think about death after a bit, I just end up thinking about how nothing would be but then I wont even have any awareness of it, so it just in a way makes it seem so pointless. Like what do my actions matter If I wont even be around, but that is a stupid way to think. because after me more humans may exist and they should at least have a chance if we can give it to them. But still the idea that I will just turn into non-existance is certainly horrifying but there is no way to stop it so....there is that.


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Trueno
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08 Apr 2019, 4:43 am

... seven years and counting for me then.

Even if if there is no afterlife it'll just be like before you were born... and that wasn't so bad was it? All that stuff going on in the world... wars, famine and the like... and you were blissfully unaware.


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Sweetleaf
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08 Apr 2019, 4:48 am

Trueno wrote:
... seven years and counting for me then.

Even if if there is no afterlife it'll just be like before you were born... and that wasn't so bad was it? All that stuff going on in the world... wars, famine and the like... and you were blissfully unaware.


I mean true but with after gaining knowledge and things it just seems scary to then just end up losing it all upon death. Granted I have this idea that death is kind of like roller coaster, just when you get to the top of that hill...the falling down part is like losing yourself and just being gone and not existing anymore but maybe it is the best roller coaster ride of all. But I guess after having existed the idea of non existence feels threatening.


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Sweetleaf
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08 Apr 2019, 4:56 am

uhhh, just stupid to be so afraid of something that happens to everyone at some point, maybe human brains are just not equipped to handle that without some BS narrative about going somewhere 'better' when you die.


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Trueno
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08 Apr 2019, 5:07 am

Yes... I don't think human brains can cope with any of this stuff. I just go through mental gymnastics with myself to make it all more palatable.


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08 Apr 2019, 6:22 am

Yep, you can, and I did at about the same age.


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08 Apr 2019, 6:26 am

Just make sure you don’t have another mid-life crisis at 50.

You’re covered already.

Most people die in their 80s these days.



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08 Apr 2019, 9:13 am

I generally think incremental growth (changing little by little) is safer, healthier, and more satisfying than crisis-generated growth.

In other words, have a midlife crisis if you want, or you can just start choosing different choices. I guess it all depends on your need for drama.


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naturalplastic
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10 Apr 2019, 12:31 pm

What folks describe as a "midlife crises" is pretty much the unending hell that aspies live through every moment from womb to tomb. NT get to live lives that are only punctuated by some [chronological age] crises or other. Aspies are in crises mode all of the time.



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10 Apr 2019, 2:49 pm

I don't get it. Why does sombody want rightfuly a crisis?
I'm quite sure that all people have the right of a midlife crises once the are elder then 45 and not yet 46 only. It's because the life ends always once you are 90. But at least there are some few people who feel never to young or to old to become a drama queen because of their age of course.


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