What would make this feel like the "right planet" for you?
Teach51
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Location: Where angels do not fear to tread.
Please tell us why you feel that you are living on the "wrong planet", if this is the case. I ask this because this forum is called "Wrong Planet." What changes would be needed for you to feel more at home in your own environment, family, social or work?
( If this is a boring or inappropriate thread please do tell )
I'll start. I have ADD and cannot interact in large, noisy crowds, I cannot concentrate and I get panicky. I avoid concerts (bummer) and conferences and large social gatherings like the plague. I explain this to my loved ones and friends, ( they don't like it but hard cheese) and I keep my social interactions limited to small, intimate gatherings as much as poss.
I am a teacher and I tell my students that if I get a glazed, far away look in my eyes then it means that I have lost focus and they need to bring me back down to earth and remind me what I was talking about. Doesn't happen often, it is usually when I'm really tired. It works pretty well. I find that being up-front about my ADD makes it easier for me to deal with situations that are especially challenging for my easily distracted brain . For some reason I cannot put my photo-copied pages in order, often I have to make up to 20 copies of multiple pages for a group, I ask my students (adults) to staple them and sort them for me because I just can't do it. I tell them I am a bit dyslexic. I really don't have to be perfect and I couldn't be even if I tried.My best has to be good enough for me, at least.
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My best will just have to be good enough.
Last edited by Teach51 on 20 May 2019, 1:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I don't think I am on the wrong planet as such as other planets are just not like this one. Most have no air, and I would not want to live on another planet. Think of the stress of changing ones whole way of life!
How I live? Ooh. I would like to change some things but I can't. I would like some more relaxing time without too many visitors. I mean. It is not that I don't like the people. I do. But to get a week or two just to relax without the need to entertain (As I am told off if I try to go and do my own thing and hide. I am supposed to be sociable and make an appearance, and the last few years we get visitors spending time here where a day with no visitors is rare). Sometimes I end up trapped in my bedroom just to have time to myself which is a sad thing to say... If people hear I am up there without coming down they get offended.
Some people like my youngest brother often brings people up. He likes people around him. My mum has lots of friends because she is very kind hearted.
I think it is a case that I just could do with a nice break. A holiday somewhere quiet and scenic and not too far, so I can explore. As long as I am in Wales and it fits the above criteria I am usually happy.
Sorry. Having a moan... A nice holiday for a while would be lovely though as long as it is a coutry side place in my own country of Wales. Somewhere quiet.
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In my own case...
Those that tried to claim they're a bit of an autistic themselves at me so far do not make me feel I'm in the 'right planet', no.
No matter how sincere they are, no matter how their hearts in the right place. It doesn't work like that to me, try as they might. It's kinda dismissive at worst.
Telling me it's 'ok' if it's not perfect, or it's fine -- and then that's that. No more 'because I'm X/Y/Z'.
Silent acceptance for me is even more acceptable than someone approaching me claiming they're a bit of an autistic, or such 'assurances' of any kind. I'm hell glad my family knew (not really) better than approach to me with such claims in 'attempts' of reaching out to me. No one discusses about my case in front of me -- and I'm satisfied with that.
I'm allowed to express myself at my worst, so they knew me enough. I knew them enough back to know how they are also doing.
I'm practically in the right body, in the most possible right family, surrounded by enough right people, within the closest right culture to grew up with... Although an unreliable system, but still more lenient and comparatively forgiving. I'm relatively more blessed than many.
But there's something's missing... Something is just off... I'm fairly happy and satisfied at those that are around me and my current life but... Sure, they accept me as I'm but...
It's not the environment I'm having a problem with. Sensory issues are the least of my worries. The culture can pass me off as something else with all my oddities and differences. It's not the socialization either. It's not the world at large -- if it's only for my sake of course.
There's no deeper belongingness.
I have no real equal to grow with. There's just too few people who are at the same wavelength as I'm. No one truly understands, even the most knowledgeable of all NTs I knew couldn't truly understand no matter how I wished for it.
I already tried, already had my shot with these people, and I've yet to find one in real life that would truly grant me a sense of belonging deeper than the bonds of love, acceptance and acknowledgement that life had already granted me so far.
I know what parent's love felt like. I know how a person for a sanctuary feels like and how I will miss them. I know what possibly feel what home for a place feels like. I know how being attached feels like. I know what friendship feels like, I know what being close to someone felt like. I know what it felt like if someone had a lot in common with me. I know what being trusted to felt like, I also know how to be trusting and had those trust placed right. I also knew what popularity is, both false and real. I knew how being felt respected to feels like... I also know what it was like to be ahead, to be 'not left out'.
I have a lot of social fulfillments in my rather short 24 years.
Still, none of these grant me the belonging that I could be longing for. I had those friends I really, really like to be with, companies I truly want to spend time with, but...
Instead, it just reminded me that 'their world' is different from mine, even if they are different themselves and knew what it felt like.
Yet there's something that others had always been able to go to, a place that I could never reach no matter how others could try and 'bring' me there.
They didn't left me out, they didn't betrayed me, there were no misunderstandings, we were open to one another, yet still. It's just is... It's yet to be filled in real life, even for a moment.
TLDR; I would like someone in real life who could grant me the deeper sense of belongingness, that not even the highly ideal social environment and years of fulfillments could even briefly give.
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CockneyRebel
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Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Male
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Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
I once went on a 7 day silent meditation retreat. The silence did not just extend to not speaking, it was something the leaders described as noble silence, wherein you don’t make eye contact or smile at each other or acknowledge each other at all. You are in your own space and do not need to attend to other people, if other participants needed help, it was available from the retreat leaders. Of course, there were some subtle acknowledgements of each other, such as I shared a room with 3 other women I never spoke to or looked at, but the person by the lamp would wait until we were all in bed before turning out the light; we didn’t close doors in each other’s faces when we were aware people were walking behind us. I would love to live in an environment that allowed for noble silence. That we each had our tasks, roles, jobs or whatever, that we could live alongside one another, but not have to interact and that was acceptable. In everyday life there is of course often need for a little more communication and interaction, but I wish it was kept to necessities. I feel like a whole load of stress would be rolled away from me and I might actually be able to experience life without constant anxiety.
I wouldn't like it. I would prefer to talk but to myself or one other person. I mean... I would rather be on my own, and I don't really do too well on my own. But the thought of what you said... To me that is a nightmare situation. I mean. I have a bit of faceblindness, and though I avoid direct eye contact at times, especially when in a more crowded place or if I am listening to people, not to see people and just see peoples bodies knowing people are there is claustrophobic. I would want to be on my own in the middle of a field. (Or the edge of a field where I could hide). When I was young I saw some sort of horror TV program. It may have been Dr Who but it may have been another program. On it there were people with no faces. It scared me. Not to see someones face...
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It's not the planet that's wrong, but me. I'd fit into the planet and life would be better though if I...
* were interesting
* were smarter
* had a dad interested in bringing out the best in me
* had at least one passion in life
* had at least one solid talent
* lacked depression/anxiety
* achieved what society expects of someone my age
That would pretty well fix me.
ASPartOfMe
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Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 38,052
Location: Long Island, New York
A lot of people here "get it".
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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity.
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
Hmm. I'm pretty sure I'm on the wrong planet... Actually, I've been told I was from another planet, on acvount of socisl behaviour.
I think to be on the right planet, people would need to be into stuff waaayyy more.
Peopke on this eaeh are interested in things, but tgeir interest is so shallow and narrow... Usually Wikipedia knows more about whatever it is tgey like thab they do, and reading an article there is more in depth than sking a person about their most favourite thing in tge world/profession etc.
I find it amazing how people on this planet can be so .... Careless, even about the things they care about.
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Teach51
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Location: Where angels do not fear to tread.
Sounds so peaceful and comforting Oakling. Was it Vipassana?
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My best will just have to be good enough.
Yes. Each interaction with others seems to cost me much more dearly than most people, and the retreat helped me to realise that. I’d never known what was wrong and why I struggled so much. In fact I am only now starting to realise that perhaps I’m not faulty in my methods of communication, that I just have a different capacity or tolerance level to the majority. At the end of the retreat silence was lifted for the last meal and it seemed the majority of the participants gratefully embraced the chance to chatter at will. I felt like my whole being was shattering in to tiny pieces, fortunately there were still places of silence within the building and I hid there until it was time to go home.
I am a teacher and I tell my students that if I get a glazed, far away look in my eyes then it means that I have lost focus and they need to bring me back down to earth and remind me what I was talking about. Doesn't happen often, it is usually when I'm really tired. It works pretty well.
Umm. Now I'm quite concerned. Is this related to autism? I sometimes also have had it in the past and I assumed it was that I am just tired. It is totally controllable in that if someone says something then I automatically switch on and if I am doing anything like driving I easily over-ride it.
I think of it as a stop/start mechanism that is found in some modern cars that turn the engine off in traffic, but as soon as the engine is needed again it comes back to life.
My car just idles. I seem to be idling through life at the moment... Drifting.... And I am a little concerned...
Why concerned? I keep seeing things I get as if people are writing about me but how did they know? It is like I have found more "Me's" to talk to. But I can't be on the spectrum. I mean. It would have been picked up in my schooling years. I remember in primary school one child who was my friend drank a bottle of bleach (I think he was about five or six) and he ovbiously changed a little. He was found to be autistic after that. He was obvious. I mean. When he changed he was the same person but he would rock back and fore which he didn't seem to do that before (I have never rocked back and fore myself). I was not exactly told but... I was then kept away from him and then they moved him to a special school where I lost touch. I still occasionally see him in the village below us. He is one of the few people I recognise, but I don't think he knows me. The thing is when in school I was told to leave him alone I did. I mean... For over 40 years I have (The truth is I don't think he remembers me anyway). It is only now looking back that I am making sense of this and why the teacher said that. I took it literally, hence I have not spoken much to him other then a smile and a "Hello".
But all through my schooling years it has been rather plain to me that I was obviously different and obviously stood out, and in school I was very quiet. I am actually amazed how they don't assess in schools just incase someone may have the condition? Maybe today they do? Maybe they did and didn't notice me. But do I have it at all? Maybe I don't have it and am just shy in public but not when at home? I don't know...
Sorry. I am writing what is on my mind... I apologise everyone for all this writing. Often I don't post my thoughts.
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Teach51
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Joined: 28 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,808
Location: Where angels do not fear to tread.
I am a teacher and I tell my students that if I get a glazed, far away look in my eyes then it means that I have lost focus and they need to bring me back down to earth and remind me what I was talking about. Doesn't happen often, it is usually when I'm really tired. It works pretty well.
Umm. Now I'm quite concerned. Is this related to autism? I sometimes also have had it in the past and I assumed it was that I am just tired. It is totally controllable in that if someone says something then I automatically switch on and if I am doing anything like driving I easily over-ride it.
I think of it as a stop/start mechanism that is found in some modern cars that turn the engine off in traffic, but as soon as the engine is needed again it comes back to life.
My car just idles. I seem to be idling through life at the moment... Drifting.... And I am a little concerned...
Why concerned? I keep seeing things I get as if people are writing about me but how did they know? It is like I have found more "Me's" to talk to. But I can't be on the spectrum. I mean. It would have been picked up in my schooling years. I remember in primary school one child who was my friend drank a bottle of bleach (I think he was about five or six) and he ovbiously changed a little. He was found to be autistic after that. He was obvious. I mean. When he changed he was the same person but he would rock back and fore which he didn't seem to do that before (I have never rocked back and fore myself). I was not exactly told but... I was then kept away from him and then they moved him to a special school where I lost touch. I still occasionally see him in the village below us. He is one of the few people I recognise, but I don't think he knows me. The thing is when in school I was told to leave him alone I did. I mean... For over 40 years I have (The truth is I don't think he remembers me anyway). It is only now looking back that I am making sense of this and why the teacher said that. I took it literally, hence I have not spoken much to him other then a smile and a "Hello".
But all through my schooling years it has been rather plain to me that I was obviously different and obviously stood out, and in school I was very quiet. I am actually amazed how they don't assess in schools just incase someone may have the condition? Maybe today they do? Maybe they did and didn't notice me. But do I have it at all? Maybe I don't have it and am just shy in public but not when at home? I don't know...
Sorry. I am writing what is on my mind... I apologise everyone for all this writing. Often I don't post my thoughts.
I am not on the spectrum but have Attention Deficit Disorder and OCD. I understand that these disabilities/ conditions often appear with ASD as comorbidities. Mountain Goat when you complete your testing and receive your diagnosis I hope that all your questions will be answered. It must be a major event finally getting a diagnosis. Let's be optimistic that it will bring new insight and some peace of mind.
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Teach51
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Joined: 28 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,808
Location: Where angels do not fear to tread.
Yes. Each interaction with others seems to cost me much more dearly than most people, and the retreat helped me to realise that. I’d never known what was wrong and why I struggled so much. In fact I am only now starting to realise that perhaps I’m not faulty in my methods of communication, that I just have a different capacity or tolerance level to the majority. At the end of the retreat silence was lifted for the last meal and it seemed the majority of the participants gratefully embraced the chance to chatter at will. I felt like my whole being was shattering in to tiny pieces, fortunately there were still places of silence within the building and I hid there until it was time to go home.
My son has quite debilitating ADHD and OCD. He has been participating in Vipassana for years and claims that it provides him with a certain mental balance and calm that has long lasting effects. He also dislikes when the silence is broken

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My best will just have to be good enough.
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