Social Isolation Living Alone Thoughts?

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LimboMan
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14 May 2019, 3:18 pm

I've been fortunate in recent months to experience living by myself and I enjoy it mostly, but I'm getting concerned about the social isolation it carries and what I should do.

I have mild ASD I'm in my 20s. I can socialise when I put my mind to it but still have challenges like pretty high anxiety especially socially but I'm working to improve.

A couple my age live above me but we keep to ourselves. I've found it hard living above a couple if you've struggled with the topic of relationships haha. They always have friends round and I feel like I'm living other people's lives not mine my intercom doesn't buzz much.

I used to live with my family but I just feel like a stranger to everyone which can be good but often feels lonely.
I'm part of a regular group I go to and looking for work as I lost my job, but when its not on my week feels empty. I try contacting people I used to know from school and most are really busy working and some I think choose not to reply.

Is social isolation a necessary part living alone? Anyone have similar experiences?


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Mountain Goat
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14 May 2019, 4:30 pm

Is difficult. (I am not diagnosed and actually am doubting that I have it now as I am able to open up my thoughts a bit..). I can fully understand lonliness from the point of view that I have always felt that I am unique and no one really understands me but for God and maybe my mother.
I can imagine how it is for those who have far worse then my fringe elements... I am one who prefers to just be with my mum for company and with the occasional friend but not all the time friend.... I mean as in I enjoy my mothers presence in that she is very similar to me and we understand each other, except she is more popular in that she seems to copy other people's accents and is sympathetic etc so she automatically fits in. It is very hard for me to imagine living alone. I have tried it, and even though I tend to be a bit of a recluse and a loner so living in a rural area is ideal, I do want someone close. (I would absolutly fall to pieces if my mother ever died. Maybe I should find a girlfriend and get married but as I have no income I don't even look as I couldn't support a wife at the moment. I would be concerned that I would be over clingy and over loving if that makes sense).

I do hope you are able to find the right balance of friendship without it being too much... Ultimately for you to get married. I do not know if this is ideal for everyone. It could be finding the right person who will understand and such a person will be a real gem.


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shlaifu
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15 May 2019, 5:20 pm

yes. I've been living alone for about eigh years now - and initially it was great, because I was still doing postgraduate studies etc. and had a girlfriend. But then that fell apart and I graduated and everyone went their own ways and the friends I had kept have become parents of the last few years ... and then again, and basically, once someone has two children, you barely see them anymore. ... so I'm alone now, almost always, and lonely, often.
Oh, I should mention I work freelance and on my own, so I rarely talk to people - my clients usually call me up (they're all over the place, and used to having their freelancers work remotely).

here's the weird thing, though: I'm less stressed than ever. I'm also depressed from the loneliness, but I'm higher functioning than at any point in my life. My social skills have gotten better, on the rare occasion that I chat with someone, I actually remember to ask how they're doing, it doesn't annoy me to talk to them etc.
it's really, really weird. - I'm less social than ever, and fell more socially capable.

note: if you don't talk to someone in over a week, it starts doing your head in. try to avoid that.


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Mountain Goat
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15 May 2019, 6:10 pm

It could be that you are less stressed as you have had a break from dealing directly with people? Sometimes you may need that. It surprized me when you said that your clients call you up, as it is the thing that I find more difficult. I mean... I would rather go to a person then phone them. (Everyones different).


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Pepe
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15 May 2019, 8:05 pm

LimboMan wrote:
I've been fortunate in recent months to experience living by myself and I enjoy it mostly, but I'm getting concerned about the social isolation it carries and what I should do.

I have mild ASD I'm in my 20s. I can socialise when I put my mind to it but still have challenges like pretty high anxiety especially socially but I'm working to improve.

A couple my age live above me but we keep to ourselves. I've found it hard living above a couple if you've struggled with the topic of relationships haha. They always have friends round and I feel like I'm living other people's lives not mine my intercom doesn't buzz much.

I used to live with my family but I just feel like a stranger to everyone which can be good but often feels lonely.
I'm part of a regular group I go to and looking for work as I lost my job, but when its not on my week feels empty. I try contacting people I used to know from school and most are really busy working and some I think choose not to reply.

Is social isolation a necessary part living alone? Anyone have similar experiences?


Doesn't socialising on the internet mean you aren't alone?

We obviously have very different circumstances.
I prefer isolationism in real life.
I haven't been lonely for over 35 years.


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