Repetitive Thoughts

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My teenage, ASD son has been suffering with repetitive thoughts about religion for 6 months now. It has gotten so bad, it is affecting his sleep and he has even become suicidal. He can’t make up his mind whether he believes in God or not and it is creating a conundrum in his head. He obsesses over this all day.

We are very supportive on what he wants to decide about God and do not try to persuade him either way, however this mindframe doesn’t seem to help him. He also has Oppositional Defiant Disorder which makes trying to help him even more challenging.

He has become very angry with me (his mom) because I can’t seem to help him. I’ve tried everything: distractions, mental exercises, therapy, etc, but he keeps falling back into his issues.

We just tried Zoloft last night and it seemed to actually keep him up all night. It’s 5 am now and he has been obsessing and obsessing. I’ve tried getting him to watch movies or do a crossword puzzle, but to no avail.

Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what helped you get through it?

Thank you for you help!

It sounds like your son may have encountered a confluence of a special interest that also generates anxiety.

At his age he may have an intense reaction to uncertainty (like a college philosophy student who considers suicide because he cannot prove he exists).

It may be that he is anxious because traditional religious channels have not provided answers that relieve his anxiety. If he cannot be distracted into areas of interest that are more calming, you may want to consider suggesting religious inquiry in less traditional realms such as christianpioneer.com

You may wish to use the concept of successive approximation to help him see a progress to an answer from which he can derive some reduction of anxiety. For example you can generally tell a person which word he is thinking of by asking 20 questions. You open a dictionary in the middle and ask if his word is before or after a word in the middle. Next you take the half that the word is in an split that in half. You successively approximate to thew word the person has selected.

This may help your son see that as he explores the subject he may latch on to something incorrect, but it is a step closer to getting the answer he is looking for.

Thank you for this information, I will definitely give it a try.

Wow! I can really relate to this! I’ve grappled with this stuff to an obsessive point, too!

Why does he have so much stress over this issue? Is he worried that if there is a God he needs to behave or worship in a specific way? I feel like there must be more going on at the heart of this. Has he been exposed to some unhealthy religious dogma?

My family is very religious and their religion involves a lot of requirements which are almost impossible for a person who struggles socially to follow. According to their beliefs, if one doesn’t do each of those requirements, one won’t receive God’s blessings (the equivalent to an afterlife in heaven). For a time, that put a huge amount of weight on my shoulders. When I left that faith behind, I’d still obsessively worry: “What if I’m wrong?”

I’ve come to realize, though, that if there is a just and loving God out there he wouldn’t expect one of his creations to live a life that felt unbearable. A just and loving God wouldn’t penalize me for disbelief when my heart was in the right place. If a God wants to punish me for not doing everything right when I didn’t know any better, he’s unworthy of my faith, worship, and devotion. This realization gave me a lot of relief!

I’ve since come to enjoy healthy, spiritual practices that focus on the self, like yoga and meditation. Maybe he should try different practices and see how they make him feel. Sometimes the inner peace such practices bring relieve some of the existential questions that some of us grapple with to our own detriment.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 14 May 2019, 8:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

I do not know much from the ASD perspective so bear this in mind, but I do know a little from a Christian perspective, and this is my take on this side of things.

I understand there is quite a battle going on here, so I pray for peace in his mind. Peace so he can make his own decision without any panic or stress. I also pray for a simple clear understanding with no complications. That clarity will come to him in a beautiful way.

I've had metaphysical obsessions before. I've had them take me to beautiful mental places, feeling connected to a cosmic process and seeing everyone as miraculous and worth caring about. I've had them take me to very dark places, leading me to despise the entire species and ponder whether life itself carries negative value as a whole compared to nonexistence.

If he obsesses in a similar fashion to myself, he will likely burn out and become lethargic for a period (especially if he's having trouble sleeping like you indicated). He'll probably need lots of time and space to decompress from an intense obsessive period. It could take months depending on how serious it is.

My advice is to encourage some kind of spirituality (using that word loosely here...) that does not conflict with a logical assessment of reality. Some Eastern meditative practices and philosophies might help. Many of them are purposefully vague regarding making absolute claims about the nature of reality.

You say Zoloft doesn't work. Yeah that happens for some people unfortunately. I met a fellow Aspie who said it made her hair fall out so she had to stop using it.

Have you considered or tried a mood stabilizer for his ODD? I have a history of anger management since I was a kid and I've been on Ziprasidone for about a year now. I take it w/Zoloft and an Executive Function drug, but that's not relevant to what you're talking about. The Ziprasidone hasn't eliminated my feelings of anger, but it's definitely reduced it significantly. I'm definitely calmer since I started it and it's helped regularize my sleep habits.

That may be of no use to your son, I just thought it might be worth a try, if you haven't done so already.

Poor guy. It is so uncomfortable when things don't make sense in a mind that wants everything in place. This is a big one too. It affects everything. I eventually just had to let go of some of the things that got me stuck and put them on hold. It took me at least a decade to get there. Of course this is not something you can do on someone's behalf. Luckily for me almost everything I put on hold has been resolved in the years since then. His mind might not be able to do this or it might take a long time for him to put everything in place.

Oh dang that sucks.
I've actually been through exactly that but not about religion. (I have ODD and it used to be pretty bad)

It is hard but I'd suggest laying out his ideas about both in like a pro-con list in writing and go through them logically first off.

And then going to bed very tired, getting lots of exercise in the day, and then having a long time to calm down with relaxing and distracting activities. If that's not enough alone, melatonin.

I've found having an inconsistent noise like cicadas or crickets playing helps break up thoughts.

Of course this didn't conflict with my ODD only because it was my ideas. Get him involved in solutions and don't try to do it alone. Work with him.

Aspies face a lot of stress in their lives. Stress is cumulative in nature unless it is vented. A cascade of chemicals and hormones are automatically released when a person encounters a real or perceived threat. These are released into their limbs and are retained in their muscles and nervous system. Humans have 5 limbs - their 2 arms, 2 legs and the final one is their neck, jaws, throat. Whatever issue you son is trying to work through may have a component outside your home. Most Aspies encounter bullying during their lifetimes. For males this peaks at Junior High, for females this peaks normally during High School. After the peak it subsides significantly.

So without knowing your son or the problems that he is experiencing what caught my eye was

So how is he venting his anger. If he is verbally screaming at you. Then the stress is bleeding from his fifth limb. To vent stress from this limb it is important for him to SCREAM. Let him scream it out from his body and release it.

One needs to vent the stored stress energy in their neck muscles, vocal cords, and jaw. The best way is to scream at the top of your lungs several times. But this must be done in a socially acceptable manner. Never scream at a person. I live in the rural countryside and my dog is a free-range dog. When it is mealtime and my dog is up and about; I call my dog very loudly.

I yell so loud that I can hear my voice being echoed back to me from nearby hills and mountains. My voice carries about a mile. The call is so strong that it borders on a roar. It is a very good feeling. It gives me a sense of great strength, like I could split a mountain in two just with my voice alone. I feel strong to my core. It is a great stress reliever or normalizer. And it is socially acceptable in the countryside.

One might try howling like a wolf at the moon. There is an individual in New York City that howls at the subway cars as they pass by deep down in the subway stations. But there are other ways to scream in a socially acceptable manner. A singer can do this if it is a very powerful song. A barker in the county fair can do this. A fan at a rock concert can sing along at the top of their lungs. Some commuters sing along to the tune on the radio at the top of their lungs while they are driving down the road. A spectator at a sports event can do this in cheering on their team. Even a Girl Scout can practice barking in front of the local grocery store when she sells Girl Scout cookies. Or find yourself a soundproof room.

But if he is venting stress physically toward you, then it is locked in his arms or if he is running away his legs and another coarse of action is in order.

Anyways that is my perception.

Wow. Shouting and screaming. Yes. That would be a huge stress relief! Sometimes I feel like doing that inside... ROAR!

You mentioned where appropiate. Well, I had do quieten down a lady I know.... It was funny actually. We had decided to meet up and go in the sea. Several of us met. I think the lady has gone back to one of the African countries. Anyway. While paddling or standing in the water she starts to scream and shout as a form of stress relief. The only issue is there are many people passing by and a few hundred yards away is the locol lifeboat station and the beach is known for the occasional strong currents... I could vision the life boat being rushed out where we would have some explaining to do!

Stress relief... Brilliant... But where to release the stress... Umm. Haha. Some of your ideas are great though.

Does he also have ADHD? Stimulants and depressants may have different physical effects than on the general population.