Why am I addicted to crushes and what should I do?

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97AlanD
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13 Oct 2019, 7:19 pm

I've always been addicted to crushes. I have my whole life, I had crushes since as early as I can remember. When I was in early elementary school, I had crushes on my teachers and every time there was a substitute teacher, I would cry and feel horrified. I even got mad when my second grade teacher got engaged. I haven't gone through a month without having a crush. When I don't have a crush, I feel like I have no reason to get out of bed and the world feels boring. I always have a strong desire to cuddle, kiss, and hug. I never had any relationships in my life or anything close to one. My most recent crush is a crush on this girl who is autistic. Back in like April, I was browsing my Facebook newsfeed. I came across this post that said "I didnt know I was autistic" by a woman I knew from high school that I actually had thoughts about around the same day. I have autism myself so I felt impressed. I felt like it could be that we were met to be together. So then I start chatting with her for a little bit. Then a few days later I get on the phone with my best friend Steven. We start talking and then I tell him that theres a woman I like. And then he said "Let me guess, Amanda?" Then I said "yes, how did you know?" Then he said "because she said that she had autism and I just new that you were going to have a crush on her when I saw that post." Even though there was no visible Facebook activity between me and her. So then I began to fantasize about her alot, in situations that we'd likely never be in. I even called a psychic from a website about it, who did a tarot reading (which o dont know if I actually believe that stuff) who said it looks like we will be in a relationship). She wouldn't talk to me much until I offered her some weed while she was going through a hard time when losing her job. (Weed is legal where I live.) She came over a couple times and one day she decided to hang out with me for a bit. We started to talk about music we like. When I asked her what group she's been listening to the most, I guessed what group she was going to say, without any evidence she was going to say it. Then she said "the spinners" then I said wow, I knew you were going to say that. Then we played the song rubber band man and she started to pace around like i do, which is an autism thing. I started to feel extremely impressed with this experience. That I found an autistic woman to place around with. We had many deep conversations about being autistic and she even described being autistic in a way that I always thought of that I couldn't describe. I felt like there is supposed to be something special about the two of us. Like we were meant to be soul mates. Then after a month, she felt like she didnt want to talk to me much because she doesnt feel comfortable being "fixated on". I cried so hard I threw up because of how embarrassed I felt. About a month later she started talking to me again and I asked her if she did anything special for her birthday. She told me that she was hanging out with her boyfriend. I felt so shocked. How should I handle this recent crush and what is causing this?



CubsBullsBears
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13 Oct 2019, 8:55 pm

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I think that when she said she didn't want to be fixated on, she really meant she didn't want to be with you for whatever reason, given that she got herself a new bf. At least you got a taste of what it was like being in a relationship.

Have you replayed the times with her in your head and realized you could've done some things differently? Doing that could help you out in the future.



97AlanD
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13 Oct 2019, 9:10 pm

Yes I kinda do that. I dont think I was close to being in a relationship with her, but I always fantasized and thought it was possible that it could happen.



naturalplastic
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13 Oct 2019, 9:15 pm

Sorry to hear about it.

I been there. Sorta. Back when I first joined Wrong Planet some years ago I struck up a correspondence with a young lady member. We became pen pals. There was one little problem. We lived on separate continents, and never met in person. But corresponding with her was enough cause me to emote emotions about her. One day just got angry at me, and never spoke to me again. Friends tell that she "was being crazy".And didn't do anything wrong. But I still havnt recovered from it.



97AlanD
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13 Oct 2019, 9:22 pm

You mean you still feel down about that situation from years ago?



naturalplastic
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14 Oct 2019, 3:21 am

97AlanD wrote:
You mean you still feel down about that situation from years ago?


I don't feel "down" about it. Just disappointed. Your mind latches on to other people. In my case the other ladies who take my mind off my European penpal were also unobtainable. One real offline life lady who is married, and two other WP ladies (both of whom live thousands of miles away) became massive crushes.



MrsPeel
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14 Oct 2019, 4:51 am

Yeah, some of us tend to fixate somewhat on people we like, I think it may be autism thing.
In my experience, this kind of crush never ends in a long-term relationship - it's like the feelings are just too strong, we're too intense about it, so the person feels they have to back off, and then we get hurt.
It's best to try and play things cool, and pretend not to like them as much as you do, pretend that the relationship doesn't mean as much as it does, so as not to seem clingy.
But it's hard. Especially if they decide they don't like you after all and cut you off.



97AlanD
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14 Oct 2019, 7:09 am

I honestly just feel kinda bad I didn't get in a relationship with her. It appears she just has high standards..



lvpin
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14 Oct 2019, 1:46 pm

Aw don't beat yourself up about it. Some of us have very strong feelings. I know that when I get a crush I become obsessive and it is usually a constant in the back of my head. Mine last years and I don't even have to have much contact with the person in order to feel so strongly. Just look up crush on the search bar and you'll see you are not alone in this.