I booked a cruise, and I'm not sure how to feel.

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If you remember my posts from 2012, I talked extensively about my concerns about a cruise. Before going, I was terrified of being bullied or harassed by other passengers, and being mistaken for a criminal by the ship's security guards. I came up with contingency plans of debarking early and flying home. I even had nightmares about the cruise. None of it happened. Quite the opposite: I had the best time. Everyone I met was so friendly! Girls flirted with me quite physically, and guys treated me as a respected equal. Everything was filled with a childlike sense of awe and wonder: from seeing my ship for the first time, to walking into a synagogue in a Caribbean port. And the moving ship rocked me to sleep in less than 5 minutes.

In 2013, I posted very little, after incidents in my threads the year before, which I'd rather not bring up. I think I posted only after the cruise, about how I acted like a college spring breaker in ports of call. Unlike the first time around, I had no fears of bullying or harassment whatsoever. The people I met were like the year before. I still felt the same sense of wonder, with just enough familiarity. And like the year before, I feel asleep in minutes, while being rocked by the ship.

Well, now, I have another cruise booked in a couple months, and honestly, I'm not sure how to feel! First off, I'm a completely different person than how I was 7 years ago. I'm older, wiser, and more jaded. While I'm sure I'll still enjoy it, I really feel like I lost my childlike sense of wonder, that made me enjoy my previous cruises as much as I did. So I doubt I'll enjoy this cruise the same way, even though both the ship and the ports of call will be new to me (but same cruise line: Carnival). On the other hand, I got better at talking to women, which means dancing with them isn't the only thing I'm aiming for.

So what does everyone have to say? I'll refrain from asking for words of consolation, since I can handle it mostly in my own. But how do I cope with worrying that I won't enjoy a wonderful experience, because I lost my aspie sense of wonder I once had? The very sense my peers lost a decade prior. Like, not being wowed by the idea that the whole ship is my oyster. Any input will be welcomed.

Maybe it will come back the minute you step on board the ship. A cruise is a really magical thing, nothing on land can recreate that kind of feeling. I'm thinking and hoping that you'll be like a kid, all over again. Have fun and don't stand near the railings. If you fall overboard, chances are they'll never know and you'll be eaten by sharks.

I hope you're right. I remember the first time I got on the ship. I was gawking at absolutely EVERYTHING: from the soaring ceiling in the lobby to the elegantly plated dinner. An older couple I shared a large table with found my reaction interesting. I also remember gazing at the night sky with a girl I met; unfortunately, the ship's lights drowned out most stars. I don't know if I'll have the same reaction now, being too old and jaded; 7 years ago, I never imagined feeling that way in a million years. I'm just glad I first experienced cruising when I was still young enough to have a childlike sense of wonder; I feel like an old man now.

Oh, and cruise lines have an excellent search and rescue system, in case someone falls overboard. Most railings are at the stomach or chest level, so in order to fall overboard, you have to actually want to. The minute a "man overboard!" announcement is made, one of the lifeboats will be lowered to pull that person in. And most officers and some crew members have training in rescuing people.

Just think about all the freedom that you will be able to enjoy on the ship.

Where are you going?

To be honest, I wouldn’t try to find a mate on a cruise. I wouldn’t be successful. It’s not my successful milieu in that sense.

I would just enjoy the solitude, the ports of call, the sea air.

Do you have a balcony?

I'd be worried about getting sick. I've heard the risk of food borne illnesses on a cruise ship is very high. I also don't like the idea of being with a bunch of strangers. If I went with people I already know, that would be different.

In these situations, I find it helpful to just focus on enjoying myself, and in turn try to refrain from passing judgement on myself.

You are going on a vacation to get away from the stress of daily life. You are on a ship specifically to get away and not be distracted by anything else.

I recommend just following your natural inclinations. Sleep to your hearts content, drink fruity cocktails by the ship's pool, eat way too much good food, wander around the ports of call... If you feel like doing something (assuming no one else is impacted), just do it without much thought. If you aren't enjoying something, move on with equally little thought.

One thing that might help is to do a little research about the boat itself and the ports of call in advance. You can also probably find a schedule of events on the boat. If it suits you, try to find 1-3 things that interest you each day. Don't be afraid to skip anything you pre-panned if you're not feeling it, but knowing what/when you want to do in advance can help you look forward to it and ease some anxiety.

My motto on vacation is: time enjoyed is never time wasted.

Well, my cruise is about a month away, and I'm still stuck in an apathy state. I want it to happen, and a part of me doesn't care. At least I sent in all the payments on time. All that's left now is shopping and airport taxi reservations.

This is a far cry from my previous cruises in 2012 and 2013, when I was excited about them for months, and even kept seeing ships in my dreams. Now, some of those dreams were actually nightmares, about being on a dark, derelict ship, with dirt and broken glass everywhere. But I was still excited. This year, not so much.

Maybe this means I'm officially old. And I'm not even 40 yet. I take my Effexor daily, which works wonders for keeping out of depression, but I can't get myself excited about the cruise.

I took Effexor and it caused hallucinations, I really reacted badly to it. I only had nasty dreams while taking it.That may be the cause of your bad dreams. I weaned myself off it and normal dreams again.