The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I've seen people here mention "masking", but I'm not sure exactly what they are referring to. Does it mean adhering to NT social protocols? Abstaining from stimming?
What do you do to mask, and what would it look like if you weren't masking?
Faking the expression of feelings that you're not actually experiencing, based on years of observation of the behavior of others. Laughing at a joke even when you didn't actually hear it, get it, didn't like it, or were feeling insecure because of the social interaction aspect.
Not fair.
Neurotypicals do that too
It just looks genuine when neurotypicals "mask" (wrong word), to autistics
Learning to do discourse in a way that is unnatural to you but you realize is expected by others. Stimming in socially acceptable ways (I fix my hair, tap rhythms or quietly click them with my tongue, smack my tongue around in my mouth quietly, grind my teeth, and reposition my body posture. I also hum)
If I'm not masking, you will notice a blank expression and non-reaction to a lot of social stimuli. You will notice me shifting conversation to a subject I can monologue about. I won't bother with the vacuous pleasantries of inflecting and connotating my statements to account for your likely emotional reaction. I will not stim more obviously because it is deeply ingrained not to; I have to be alone to fully let it out, although you might catch me pacing around when I'm waiting.
I remember experiencing a lot of fear when I was afraid people had caught me externalizing inner dialogue and pacing, or just being odd in general while alone, and that fear has altered my sense of ease around others. I "need" to be able to externalize inner dialogue to release stress and excitement and to go over information I've learned and am analyzing. Because of this, living around others who are potential witnesses dampens my ability to regulate my stress levels and enjoy life in general.
09 Jun 2019, 5:39 am
