How to stop being labeled as stuck up?

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This is so annoying people say I'm stuck up for NOT TALKING, but when I do talk to people they are very rude to me and do not want to talk to me/ don't reciprocate- then they complain that I don't talk to anyone.

Should I just keep chasing around people who don't want to talk to me so that they stop calling me stuck up? I'm confused.

Try to see it as their problem not yours. You can't please everyone so at least please yourself.

They are like unto children sitting in the marketplace, and calling one to another, and saying, We have piped unto you, and ye have not danced; we have mourned to you, and ye have not wept. - Luke 7:32

Most people are like this. Find some who are capable of seeing you for who you are and don't waste time with ret*ds.

What do you get and talk to them about? Are you talking to them at appropriate times when they are not preoccupied with domething else?

Just going around talking about nothing isn't helpful. Find people of like interests to speak to and work from there.

Not talking to people is better than chasing after people who don't want you. Do they know you have autism btw?

As far as I know now is the problem with language and autism that you don't realize the nonverbal stuff nor provide it yourself. That causes you being seen as kind of unemotional, rude and or even nasty towards others because your language is lacking the emotional warmth without you being aware of it. You can't even do it right, but once you don't talk at all you won't improve at all. But how to handle this?
My problem here is that I don't really know how you are once it comes to interactions with other people or to talking. I think you should talk otherwise you won't improve at all. But keep it more to short greatings and responses. Try not to forget anything that you know what people insist on and do just for politeness (please, thanks, greetings aso.) Especially care about this as soon as you wan't something from other people.



Letting people know that you have autism doesn't helps because poeple don't even know anything about autism. The big problem is that many autistic people are unable to recognize and provide feelings and nonverbal stuff within language and body language. Those autistic people can't provide it because they aren't just the same emotional way that other people are. May be you should warn others who you want to be with otherwise you are always judged because of something that you can't even hide. This kind of warning would be somthing like

"Sorry, but just before we start I want you to know that I have an developmental disorder that I'm unable to express and recognize emotions and any kind of indirectness very well. Please don't think that I want to be rude to you once I'm lacking any kind of politeness or emotional warmth towards you. I'm totally unable to provide this to others even that I'm really wishing that I could."

But keep in mind that many people aren't just nice to others. NTs are mentally ret*d in a way that they are always competeting to each other especially towards the opposite sex. There isn't something than just a nice together and being helpfull to each other. Jealous girls will always try to tell others sh*t about you and it's not always good to let all of them know your weaknesses.

I recently overheard the next door neighbor make a comment about my wife and how "unfriendly" she was to a door-to-door canvasser. My initial response was "WTF?" but then I realized there is no point trying to correct her. She doesn't want to open the door to strangers with a baby in the house and that's her decision.

For me it takes very serious management.

There's a thing I do with my face where I'm trying to simulate openness and positive feelings. You can't try "too hard" but it helps. I still end up going quiet and expressionless often, but you will change their perception if you make that "open and positive" face now and again. They'll understand better that you are withdrawn and struggling with social connection and communication when you're quiet.

I learned a couple years ago how to change my verbal statements, through both articulation and substance, to avoid coming across as intellectually combative or as a "know it all." Sometimes I can be trying to communicate something I know to someone and they get offended. I found that if I communicate the same idea with the grown up equivalent of "baby talk" inflection, going through the vacuous motions of "I see where you're coming from, but," and constantly asking myself "how do I make this statement sound more humble" their reactions become far more receptive.

I see it as a weakness for those who require this work from me as they are vulnerable to what I consider cheap social parlor tricks, and I also see it as a weakness for myself that I have to do it through conscious regulation. My ability to do so is not constant which can limit its long term efficacy. I've been much less effective lately because of various stressors, although I want to eventually get back into practice as I'm starting to struggle due to social difficulties.

I desire to evolve beyond the need to do this management. As it stands, it is not a trivial game and failure has consequences.

Instead of trying to fake facial expressions I'm trying to feel the related mood (e.g. having fun) and to have only positive expectation towards others. The facial expressions and the expressions of your eyes will fit your mood and your feelings towards the others. Once your are having the mood (even if its artifical) it expresses in your face and in your eyes and it doesn't look dishonest. Beside of this it's much easier to keep a positive mood than a fake smile. Their empathy causes people to feel positive towards you too because they sense your positive feelings and positive expectations only and feel positively towards you. Once you are into fun or joy why not keeping a feeling of fun or joy?

Whatever you do, someone will bark at you and misunderstand


Please do not "keep chasing around people"


They could accuse you of harassment

They have a "right" to be ass hole




Please ignore them

GiantHockeyFan,

That's not unfriendly-that's playing it smart! I don't like meeting complete strangers at the door.

Many years ago, Barbara Walters advised (in a book) to be sincerely interested in what the other is saying, no matter how boring or incomprehensible. I practiced this a lot - I don't converse so much as listen. Really listen. Take it in.

I remember how my sister-in-law thanked me for taking care (socially) of her step-father during the festivities. And what was our conversation? Motorcycles, his passion. I had to draw entirely on him for that subject and somehow I did. Eventually I realized I liked the guy.

The thing is to sincerely care about what others have on their minds. It often comes back to me how charming I was!

I don't mean to play 20 Questions. BW suggests, "I didn't know that" as a conversational offering. It works well. Oh, and you never saw any movie - let people tell you all their stuff!