Everyone thinks I have Aspergers but I don’t think I do

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I’m a moderately awkward, eccentric person so I’ve dealt with numerous people telling me I should get tested for Aspergers. I’m almost convinced I have an inverse neurological disorder of some sort because I’ve been enemies with every Aspie I’ve ever met and seem to suffer from an antithetical strain of social inability. Prior to getting tested I want to know if any of these traits I possess ring true to any of you, because the pathopsychiatric characteristics of autism listed online seem to vary too much to get a clear idea of what it is

- overly metphorical, verbose, vague speech unintentionally using made-up words and terms
- Extremely confident loner-by-choice who doesnt suffer from shyness or social anxiety
- overly emotional
- Self-taught multi-instrumentalist and composer yet cant read music after 16 years of trying
- Hates math and most science
- Deeply religious
- Verbal IQ 52 points higher than non-verbal (essentially borderline ret*d)
- Slept with over a dozen women but never had a girl want to be my partner
- Assume everything has deep hidden cryptic personal meaning to the point of absurdity, sometimes feel God is speaking to me metaphorically through song lyrics and news stories
- 90% of conversation is me asking people questions
- Occasional delusions/hallucinations
-Take things too metaphorically e.g. A neighbor told me “you’re definitely invited to the BBQ” and I didn’t end up going because I thought it was a figure of speech
- Spend two hours a day looking for keys, wallet, and phone
- Poor hygiene, shower and brush once a week
- Unable to organize anything

Just Yesterday I microwaved potsickers , went to the bathroom, forgot where I put the potstickers, looked around the kitchen, living room, bedroom, and garage for 15 minutes gruntin n’ growlin because I feel like God is playing tricks on me. I envision him laughing from above and I let out a tortured scream. I come to the realization that it’s just not worth it - I’ll just have to deal with the mind-raping illogicality of having my things paranormally vanish in thin air. I decide to microwave a pretzel instead and see the potstickers in the microwave. I cried tears of joy for 5 minutes straight and then realized I probably need psychiatric help

Am not a shrink, but you sound more like you have schizotypal personality disorder than aspergers (or any kind of autism).

The notions of reference: that you think songs on the radio, or newspaper headlines, are god talking to you personally. Not aspie, but borderline delusional and tending toward paranoid country.

Interesting that you take things "overly metaphorical". Aspies (like Sheldon Leonard in the Big Bang Theory) tend to take things overly literally.

I’m sorry that was misleading phrasing on my part, it’s more generalized and secular than that. I just mean I take in the external world so subjectively, personally, and egocentrically that it feels that way - a TV episode might have a moral lesson that’s coincidentally relevant to my life and I’ll feel as if I’m being talked to and helped personally, if my favorite song comes on the radio I might feel as if its playing it specifically for me, or if I lose my keys I’ll feel the world is trying to steal or hide them from me and will become enraged and start yelling at it. It’s hard to explain because I dont consciously think these things and am smart enough to KNOW it’s delusional, but can’t convince myself that it is on a strictly emotional and perceptual level

But yeah I have a hard time using an understanding literal language or being blunt, it’s bizarre - i feel like i have all the characteristics and little idiosyncrasies of aspergers but in reverse

I’d have to agree with naturalplastic, but the only way to know for sure is to have an assessment.

Schizotypal personality disorder (and everything else in that category) comes with its own set of social challenges.

I agree that an assessment is the best way to a proper answer. You could also hang out here and see how you feel.

The fact that you didn't like the Aspies you met in real life means nothing, I mean, they would have been wearing

their NT acceptable skins.

There's also the rest of the Autism spectrum.

I have phases of paranoia, for some Aspies I think it comes along with the self absorption.

There are good Aspies....there are not-so-good Aspies.

If every Aspie was Sheldon Cooper, this world would be in a real pickle.

I do like aspies but the feeling is far from mutual I feel like most of them hate me.

I’m an INFP

Besides IQ I did not see many core Asperger's traits.

But me and "everyone" are not professionals. Whatever condition(s) you have you need to find out and get treated because everybody hating you is a very bad thing.

I have to agree with naturalplastic