Do your parents play an aspie card on you

Post Reply New Topic

When I was 19 I started to suspect my mother plays the literal card on me because she doesn't want to admit she was wrong.

When I was little she always told my brothers and I we have to tell people how we feel, we have to tell her what we want for breakfast etc. because she can't read our minds and she even say people can't read my mind. I used to expect people to know what I am thinking and what I want. Must be a normal kid thing because my brothers probably did it too because my mother said the same to them about people can't read their minds, she can't read their mind.

Well one day when I was 16, I was making gingerbread houses with my brother and his friend and my mom said she could see his friend's thinking bubble. I didn't believe her and she kept saying she can so I started to test her, I asked what he was thinking and she answered and the friend said "yep." I still didn't believe it so I kept testing her and then she told me I am sure gullible and I asked her why and she said I was taking her too literal. Then I told her her she had always told me she can't read other people's minds so I was just testing her. She said I again I was being too literal. WTF, she meant exactly what she meant when I was little, can;t read people's minds. Now she says I took that literal. Took me till I was 19 to realize she was probably playing the card on me.


Another time she told me when I was in my teens she had always given my brothers and I universal rules. I asked her what were those and she told me rules that would always be the same, won't ever change. One of them was elbows off the table and feet in front of you when you eat. She didn't give us rules that were only for kids to follow but that were grown up rules. Then at age 20, she tells me I can't defend myself if people say "make me" and I told her "whoa wait a minute, you told me when I was little it was okay I fought back in sixth grade because they told me too." and she said "But you were a child, that's different, you're an adult now. The rules are different now." and I said "but I thought you had always given me universal rules" and she said I took it literal.

I know I didn't take it literal, she meant what she exactly meant. She told me she had given us rules that would always be the same and instead of admitting she was wrong, she has to play the literal card on me.

Do your parents play the card on you about your condition?


My mother happens to play the literal card. She uses my literalness. My dad has never played any aspie cards on me.

no my parents were never all the strict rules and junk
we used our common sense
that was the rules

I HATE THIS. I'm really smart and my bosses have always told me I'm very bright and have a lot of sense, but this is my weakness. My mom is always riling me up to where I'll be begging her to tell me whether or not she's joking because I don't know if she's serious, and she still keeps it going. For example, she joked that I would just put her in a nursing home if she ever did anything "wrong", and I told her I would NEVER do that and I was hurt that she would think that, and I asked her if she was serious, because I thought she might be joking. She kept insisting that she wasn't, and I would ask her Really? You really think that? over and over, always waiting for her to say no. She waits until I'm almost crying to admit she wasn't being serious, and I've asked her not to do that but she can't seem to help herself. Which is strange, because she takes things literally too, and I've never done that to her. You'd think she'd know how it felt.

Yes. I was only allowed to go to extracurricular activities or go to summer camps for "special needs" kids.

It comes out of a place of worry, and me being the baby of the family, but it feels like my disability goes into it.

There are certain things she has let my sister do, and she doesn't let me do. When I reach my sister's age she was when she started, she still doesn't allow me. For example, I wanted to try online dating, and my sister was the age I am now, maybe even younger when she tried online dating. My mom kind of considered it, but tells me some internet guy may take advantage of me and judge me, so the fact that she let my sister do it and not me, I suspect my disability goes into it.

This may fall into a different category, but going into a yarn about my life story, to strangers in the park, and how I've been to special programs due to my disability. There were some girls in the park who volunteer with special needs kids. My mom is very friendly and talks to random strangers like she's known them her whole life but it's really awkward when she tells personal things about me to people we don't even know that well.

The ONLY one that actually does this was my SPED teacher. Her and her alone because she got too confident.


But everyone else? Never.
Not even my mom had ever gone too confident and too certain about my case to decide to be controlling and pull that card at me. Never did claimed that certainty and never claimed to 'know' what it was like and she is aware of it -- let alone anyone else.

And I won't ever allow it.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

No, Asperger syndrome wasn't a formal diagnosis when I was growing up.

I haven't told my mother I am autistic.
She insults me for my autistic traits, but without knowing what they're called.

This is more in response to your examples. In the NT world there are no universal rules.

Rules are always enforced in a context. The ages, religious views, social power, hierarchical orders, people in the area, recent events that have happened, and a million other factors always modify the 'terms and conditions' of all rules.

Knowing what context they are in and how that modifies the rules of interactions comes really naturally to NT people, so they don't really see it as the contradiction that, when reduced to the bare facts, it actually is. It comes so naturally that it is subconscious, and they literally almost can't tell that there is a contradiction.

Whenever I make a 'rule', I always try and add some disclaimers to it. I will say things like, "Don't do X, unless you have a good reason to." People think this is a silly distinction to make, because the 'unless you have a good reason to' is already assumed to most people without saying it. An example of a rule rule might be never to break a window, but if there is a fire and you're trying to escape a house, you can definitely break the window (even if it is technically against the rules).

The 'mind reading' example just sounds like your mom and friend were joking. They were in on a joke and you didn't realize that they were joking. The trick is that your friend would have said 'yep' to anything that your mom mentioned as an example of what he was thinking about.

Sadly, there will never be a set of rules that works in every situation.

Only to be over protective.

I grew up without punishments which is kind of really hippyish and also would be bad parenting in most cases.

It's because she knew I internalised rules to an unhealthy degree. So she would teach me right from wrong and give me rules.

Then I would internalise those rules and self-punish. In fact, I self-punished too much and it was a bit unhealthy. I still do, sometimes.

But she will tell me things are dangerous and she doesn't realise that to me that says 'don't do it' rather than 'so be on your guard'. And I still don't know how to be on my guard and actually get things done.

Her version of punishment = being disappointed.

There was one exception to this and I don't want to go into it here but 1 it was for my own good and 2 I didn't learn, I still don't think I agree 100% with her but 3 I learned more when I was older about how it was a nuanced thing.