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Ilovemyaspieshawn
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27 Jul 2019, 2:33 am

I am an NT dating an aspie. I love him so much but recently I found out he lied to me and I am trying to figure out if/how to work it out. Long story short he has a criminal record and he was up front about it. But he lied about the details. He told me he thought a girl was flirting with him in a bar and he touched her butt. In reality he got fired from his job and then touched three womens butts in target. He was charged with battery and put on the sex offennders registry. I knew about the registry. Dont like it but knew about it. Knew he had touched a woman's butt but not three. Most aspires I have known in the past were very detailed and blunt. So him lying about how many and the place has me concerned. I cried tonight when I told him I was upset about him lying and he said "well that's just something you will have to get over and I'll have to make up to you". When he was telling me what really happened he never said "I did this" his words were "they said I did ____" it seems to me like hes not taking responsibility. Any advice on working thru this? Everything else with us is great.



Dear_one
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27 Jul 2019, 10:51 am

Aspire is a verb.



SplendidSnail
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27 Jul 2019, 12:47 pm

That people with ASD never lie is a myth. Many people with ASD are very honest (as are many NTs), but there are also plenty of people with ASD who lie a lot (as do many NTs).

Some things that tend to make people with ASD tend to have a reputation for being honest:

-Some of us have difficulty knowing when a little white lie is socially expected to protect someone's feelings, so we might be brutally honest when we shouldn't be.

-Because many of us have difficulty seeing things from other people's perspectives, we tend to hold other people to our own standards even if there is a good reason for other people's standards being different.

I would treat someone with ASD who tells boldfaced lies exactly the same way as an NT who lies a lot - neither more nor less harshly.


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27 Jul 2019, 1:38 pm

I can lie but I lean on truth as truth is secure. Lies are false. I hate false.
I don't like situations where I can't make head or tail where the truth is, as I don't want to live a lie or tell a lie. Certain things in life when someone asks me something where I don't know the answer, and they are adamant they want an answer... I can go to pieces with these situations and my not answering or my extreme hesitation makes people think I am guilty of whatever is being accused, when I am not.
For example, lets say I was asked "Did I tell a certain person a certain thing?" I would hesitate to answer because I would need to recall what the certain person looked like (Faceblindness seems connected with nameblindness at times), or some feature about the person to have a key to remember what I had said to the person... So it may need a little time before I can reply. Most people would be able to say "Yes" or "No" without thinking about it even if they are telling lies.


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Ilovemyaspieshawn
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27 Jul 2019, 5:44 pm

Thanks everyone. My autocorrect changee aspie to aspire and I didnt see it



Dear_one
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27 Jul 2019, 6:00 pm

Ilovemyaspieshawn wrote:
Thanks everyone. My autocorrect changee aspie to aspire and I didnt see it


Long ago, a friend confessed that as he got off an escalator, he had to stop for a woman who had bent over to pick something up. He had grabbed her as a pure reflex and run off, but was surprised at himself, and knew to be more careful in the future. People often act out of character when disoriented by stress, and lately, anything typically male is prosecuted to the absolute max, so my guess is that your guy, not identifying with his stressed frame of mind, minimized the story as a compromise to help everyone cope. If he's a bad liar, that's an indication of how much practice he gets.



Ilovemyaspieshawn
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27 Jul 2019, 6:08 pm

Hes told me the same wrong story 5 times. His mom is who told me the truth. When I confronted him he says "they said I brushed 3 womens butts" not that he actually did it despite targetvhabong cameras. He was stressed bc he had just gotten fired from his job over something (I cant remember) with a female at his job. The judge said he gave him the sex offennders registry even tho his charges was battery was because as a minor he used to steal womens underwear and purses. He definitely has a thing for certain material purses/underwear. I read somewhere that was common for those with aspergers



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27 Jul 2019, 6:11 pm

:spiderman:


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