Sudden return of meltdowns

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This is a bit of a long post. I apologize about that in advance.

I’m 32. Aspergers diagnosed at 15, OCD at 20. I used to post here a lot when I was 18 (My username was 10691047) I spent most of my 20s managing mostly the OCD that set in when I was about 20 with Antidepressants until they stopped working (Another long story for another time)

I’m starting to have an uptick in meltdowns, lately something I thought was behind me. I cannot understand it and it scares me.

I live with my family, where I grew up. I pay rent to live here, so I’m not just living off of other people. I pay utilities, all that.

I’ve been reorganizing my life on routine. Sleep routine. Lunch routine. Paying bills routine. Structure. Good right?

I don’t know what caused the meltdown I had the other day, but I remember it being a disruption in this routine. I felt horrific afterward, because even after 32 years my family does not have the slightest idea what a meltdown is no matter how much I try to explain it to them. The anger from them toward me is painful. I feel empty, drained, paranoid to an extent. I went on with my day that day thankfully.

Today, it was people picking at me as soon as I got up (Nobody feels good after just waking up) I made every effort to just put it past me and move forward with my day. Then my lunch routine was all screwed up and it started to rain and I got wet. Ok, such is life. I tried again to just put it behind me. Then I get home. Almost instantly, I start being hounded. Demanding money from me for rent that is not due until August 2nd. After that, Meltdown. I tried to keep it from happening, two times it worked. Third time I failed.

Now I’m sitting here feeling horrible. Paranoid they’ll kick me out and I’ll be living on the street (They threaten this everytime it happens) I feel guilty.. I feel scared. I feel tired.

The only difference (I guess a good thing) between my youth meltdowns and the ones I’m having now is physical. I don’t hit or throw anything as an adult. I just yell, scream, and cry. But that does not make the meltdown any less terrible.

What would you (the reader) suggest I could do better to stop it from happening? I stopped it twice today, failed the third time.

Moreso, what’s the best way to cope with the aftermath? I honestly think the aftermath feels worse than the meltdown itself sometimes because of the grief and paranoia.

Normally, I used to cope by working with my aspergers-related interests. Those were taken away from me in 2016 by the OCD. Can’t enjoy those “or else (insert here” Textbook OCD. So I’m kind of on my own here.

I’m sorry if my post is long and drawn out with too much info.

The obvious things like change or routine or just change in general, sleeping patterns will impact things like this. I expect that you've reviewed all of that.

The one thing I believe which is likely to have a larger impact is that the news is full of negativity, which seems to be a reflection of what occupies most people these days, unfortunately. It seems to get worse and worse, and it's so very difficult to avoid that people can't really help but be impacted by it.

I am a voracious consumer of news and use Twitter far too much. This does impact my mood, I realize that. So it's good to have outlets where you can feel positive. (I couch youth teams, well, I help).

So you may wish to examine your contact with news and just overall being out there in the world. Obviously, there are something things you cannot control, so you need to find a source of positiveness, whatever may work best for you, whether it's taking time to lie in the dark listening to music, watching a good movie, volunteering. Whatever may work best.

It may not play much of a part in things for you but it's at least one area where I know people are negatively affected and the impact can be big.

The news cycle does indeed upset me at times. I don’t use Twitter much (Once a week maybe) and I’m cutting back on Facebook.

Growing up, a lot of my meltdowns were in the morning, Not long after I was either woken up or woke up. These are no different as far as time.

Until last year, I’d sleep maybe 7-Noon. I always preferred to the overnight hours. Now I’m on a Midnight-8:30 sleep schedule because I’ve been oversensitive to noise, again since last year.

As we get older, our responsibilities change. We have more stresses in our lives that we don't always understand or even recognize. Also the effects of constant overstimulation and things that tax us are cumulative so as we get older, many of us find that our Autistic traits and symptoms become stronger. I never had meltdowns as a child, now I have them all the time and sometimes many in a day. Your meltdowns are directly attributed to the levels of stress that you feel. As you have more adult responsibilities, the stress levels increase. That is why you are having them.