Do others misconstrue you as passive-aggressive?

Post Reply New Topic

I mean, when I think about it, some of our traits could easily be misunderstood as PAPD (Passive-aggressive personality disorder) traits...

Just think about those times when there's been communications breakdowns, b/c of that NT maxim, "up to 90% of communication is nonverbal" - the tragic irony being that even when we sense "something's up beyond what's being said" we make an effort to unravel it, and it can get rebuked or exacerbate things (because we're just supposed to know like a normal person).

Finding ourselves in these kind of tricky situations:

1. "So when you say [phrase] do you actually mean [interpretation]?"

2. "Well, I'm sorry that's what you intended, but you never explicitly told me that"

3. "Well, being a rational person, had I known that [insert implied intent], I would have done [insert expected behaviour]."

4. "I just want to make sure I have this right..." [when it's obvious]

People might interpret these as being defiant or subtly sabotaging or perverse, which is why they might perceive it as PAPD traits if used one times too many (outside the acceptable norm, or "passing grade" to be a regular NT), so I just wonder... in hindsight I realized that's what people thought of me for the first half of my twenties, until my subsequent diagnosis and great improvements in the latter half & beyond, it happened less. However, I have on occasion been passive-aggressive by intention with those who treated me in a surly way, like dewchebags and byotches and such I figure that I didn't owe them any courtesy, in fact one could say that my reaction was exactly how most NTs would have reacted if they too were treated in a surly manner...

OMG what a timely post for me. This has come up for me at work. I have a boss who's teasing me and I can't tell if he's friendly or mocking me. I've handled it in an AS way (#1 and #4 below) and he just looks at me - and says NOTHING. Then I tried to handle a condescending co-worker in an NT way (joking), he said I was "aggressive". I can't win! (My workplace was great two years ago and then went to crap with these two.)

I found this which is helpful for me.
http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2013/05 ... um-to.html

I read about a three-strike rule: I need to communicate clearly with my boss about his teasing, lack of response and impact on me, and if he adjusts/stops within three times - all good; if it continues past three times of doing so it's crossed the line from teasing to harassment. He already struck out with another issue which he has now corrected, so annoying to have the "next" thing.

Nobody misconstrues me as passive aggressively because I am passive aggressive

The most typical situation when people misinterpret my behavior as passive agressive is when I'm overstimulated and need to go away for some alone time but others take it personally that by leaving I'm showing disrespect and hostility because I don't want their company, gasp.

YES.

The only time I have been called out on P-A is when I held a door open for someone when they considered they were too far away. [I thought I was being considerate ].

That said I do feel that some people at work thought I was P-A at times, and I probably was - at times. But that said (again) so are a lot of people if they don't want to do the thing you want them to do.

Sometimes you have to be a bit P-A to stop people trying to take advantage or intimidate you.