When people say talk more what do they mean?

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hollowmoon
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06 Aug 2019, 3:53 pm

Hello,
My whole life people have been getting angry at me for being quiet. "why don't you talk?" "your so stuck up!" "your so weird for not talking!" "you never talk to anyone" I've been severely harassed being quiet... and I say "what do you want me to say?" and they say "JUST TALK MORE!"

So when I got to college I decided to break out of my shell and talk more... and it ended up horribly. I decided to just say every single thing that I was thinking. Now instead of harassing me about being quiet people are getting angry at me for the things I say. I keep getting in trouble for saying "rude things".

What do people want from me? what do they mean by talking more?



quite an extreme
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06 Aug 2019, 4:17 pm

Better don't tell your opinion about other people if it's not something really nice that you want to say or they may get it wrong. My opinion is that you need some real friends who help you and explain the way that people are thinking to get a clue what's right to talk about and when it's better to shut up.


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naturalplastic
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06 Aug 2019, 4:42 pm

Even today in middle age -when I am at a social I generally sit and observe for a while what kinda stuff folks are talking about in order to determine "whats cool to talk about with this particular group" before I dive in.

If you make observations about a person you meet -and those observations happen to be flattering to them then -go ahead and say -"I like that blouse you're wearing- where did you buy it?", or that's "cool looking car you drive- does it get good mileage?". Don't just blurt out non flattering thngs to folks you are just meeting.

Don't be silent. But don't monologue either. The goal with folks you are just meeting is keep it back-and-forth like a tennis game. Mention stuff about yourself, but (since you're just practing the art of conversation) make a game of getting others to do most of the talking. Ask the BS small talk questions that you don't really care about the answer to - just to keep folks talking ("what's your major?" is the main conversational lubricant for college students). And like that. The more interested you ACT while you listen to them, the more folks will warm to you- usually.

And once in while small talk leads to "large talk"- you might hit upon some common interest with a person- and you get into a real conversation with them. But you cant win the lottery if you don't play (ie engage in small talk first).



quite an extreme
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07 Aug 2019, 6:07 am

^that's the way to go with conversation. :wink:


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IstominFan
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07 Aug 2019, 9:23 am

Talk to people, not at them.
Be conversational, rather than just saying one or two words or, at the other extreme, having long-winded one sided monologues.