Limited initiation of social interaction ?

Post Reply New Topic

This is mentioned re ASD level 2. What does it mean exactly ? I socially interact with very few people , outside of family and stepfamily. With them they'll make the first move a lot more than I do. It's not easy to tell how much this is Asperger's or schizophrenia or social anxiety related .

^ that's it right there

It means we don't tend to make the first move in talking with people, asking to do things and the like.

It's not saying hi until someone else does. It's not making a phone call to someone to just say "Hi how are you?" It's being around a few people that are having a conversation but we say nothing until someone specifically talks to us. We tend to wait for others to come to us to engage socially.

I've been criticized for not taking the initiative for a lot of things. My mother has often asked if Ive heard from someone. the answer is typically no they haven't spoken to me. I'm then usually told that "well you never initiate". I do TRY to, but if I hit a wall so many times I just stop. Frankly I think it's kind of stupid to expect the person with Aspergers to be in charge of making contact when the NT is more equipped to do so.

Sounds like you've figured out its meaning - not making the first move socially. Definitely that applies to me. I hardly ever initiate anything involving people. I just respond to their overtures and answer their questions. You could probably count the number of threads I've started here on the fingers of one hand, but I've made thousands of posts in response to threads that other people have started. Same with private messaging - I don't think I've ever sent anybody one except in response to what they've sent me.

It all sounds very passive and likely to send me to the bottom of the pecking order, but it doesn't have to be. It's possible to react very strongly to the actions of others, and in so doing to have more of an effect on people than the one who initiated the activity by reinforcing or opposing it, or by pushing it in a new direction.

I don't know why I have the trait of not initiating social things. The obvious explanation is shyness and poor social confidence. But I'm quite wary of people who try to push me around by taking initiatives, and I've come to see it as rather bad manners to be too socially proactive unless the initiator first puts out barely-visible feelers to find out how people might feel about a thing without making it so noticeable (that the initiator wants something) that the others feel under pressure to go along with it. Most of the time I'm not up to doing all that, so I'd just rather not make suggestions to people. Surprisingly, I don't do too badly socially by being the way I am.

I'll admit I've learnt to Facebook the stepdaughter who lives near me with a 'How are you?,
but that happens less than the other way round .
My stepdaughter comes to see me several times a week,including taking me shopping . Due to my orientation difficulties I can't get to her's by myself .
When I do interact with others I try to be as polite as possible .

I'm pretty withdrawn and aloof. I don't tend to start conversations or interactions with other people. When I do, it's very repetitive and not really reciprocal, except when I use social interaction in a businesslike fashion to get something I want but outside of that, I keep to myself.