Interior Meltdowns?

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Recently, I've noticed that when I get very angry or frustrated, instead of outwardly lashing out, I just internalize it in a way, where my mind starts racing and I have a need to start squirming or moving erratically. Is this common in people with Asperger's?

I don't know how common it is but I have done the same thing at times especially when I have to be discreet about having a meltdown.

Was discussing something similar on another thread. I tend to go into partial shutdowns instead. I rarely get meltdowns. As a young child I used to I believe.
As a baby I used to cry and scream so much at one point my Mum almost threw me out of an upstairs window!
I used to scream until I was blue in my face and I could not draw breath...
I remember some very early memories of being soo frustrated. I wanted to communicate but I couldn't. I would scream and cry in frustration! But this was before the age I could talk, or I only had limited vocabulary capeabilities due to age.

That sounds like many Autistic babies. It is very difficult because the parents have no idea what to do sometimes.

I did that, too!

Keeping anger inside and "not letting it out" is a very normal thing these days. From what I can understand, this is what we're talking about here. But, I might be wrong(everyone can be wrong sometimes...).
I rarely get angry to the extent I have to yell at anybody or use bad words. But when that is about to happen, I would sometimes keep it inside. For me, there are very few signs if at all of me doing so. If people look at me or talk to me when that happens, they can almost never find out that is the case.
Facial expressions are quite low for asperger people.

I think I have them. I'l be hurting really bad while my mind eject all the negative emotions. I'm in a kind of warped state of mind though, I can't really think straight, I'm looking for a verbal fight /reason to get angry/ snap at something or just plain cry.

I also have this state where I keep functioning, but the environment feels so heavy, interacting with people is so difficult, you'll have a hard time getting more than a one word answer. It's not that I don't want to interact, but it feels like it requires so much energy and effort when I'm like that, so I just avoid it.

I have them a lot right now. I am starting to believe everything I worked for these last few years is beginning to crumble. I can't advance at work, one of my Toastmasters clubs is about to cease operations and I'm making no progress forward. I have gone as far as I can in my bid for independence. I started too late and have too much ground to make up. As for love and dating, that will forever be beyond me.

Two weeks ago, the counseling intern gave me the appointment sheet . It said the wrong address.


I pointed it out. She crossed it off



On Thursday, I gave the financial aid office, at the health center, my medical card

She told me that the appointment was in a different city

She printed it, highlighted it , and phoned the other clinic and told them I was not coming

So I correctly told her that the counseling intern told me that the appointment was for, the current location


The financial aid office, told me to wait in line and see if a counseling intern was available. And that the counseling intern might try to dial my phone number


So then i turned the phone on

Social anxiety Disorder


f**k Julie Morris b***h


She even left a message on my phone, day before, "reminding" me to go


As if I could just forget


Thought about letting the financial aid office listen to the phone message

What the flying f**k s**t


Julie should have fixed it on the computer system


The clerk goes off the computer system, not what the patient says


s**t angry as f**k


Julie b***h did not even admit she did jack s**t wrong

No apology








s**t I was so angry I was trembling


Usually that doesn't happen



Every "Miscommunication" and I get a punishment

Idiots don't get a punishment


Some jobs have fired me for less








It was her condescending attitude


"Encouraging"


File restraining order against that b***h






Usually I don't tremble so much


Last year, ozben felek b***h had the nerve to bring Fido. And I was screaming


"(My name), are you ok ?"

"He won't bite"

"He just wants to say 'hi' ".


Leash Law


"Are you ok ?", Makes it sound like the b***h was doing me a personal favor


It does not matter if the damn dog will bite


She acted like she was doing me a favor by locking the dog in the car


And I was trembling







2010, car crash, I was trembling

This definitely happens to me.

Yes but just recently

36 years old

It's weird that when I was at UCSD, this didn't happen

Even though the stress was far worse


Much worse problems

It didn't happen when I flunked structural engineering

Numerous social rejection

Driving

Biking

Sleep deprivation

Homophobic ass holes

Eviction





Only remember it happening at the car crash



Getting weaker , rapidly, in every way

Aging process




f**k mister redelings

My Mum says it is because the midwife gave the wrong advice. The midwife said to ignore me if I cried as babies are attention seekers. I didn't have a very happy babyhood...
Having said that I can remember a lot of it from a very early age. I can remember my first words at 5 months old. (I thought it was six months but my Mum says it was five). I copied three words plainly and precisely and then didn't talk again for ages until I reached normal talking age. While I was ok at talking, but I seemed a little slow when I was learning writing. Ironically, I was ok at reading but when I was five we had to move up a class, and the teacher there had a funny smell. She may have been a smoker. The teachers used to sit us on their laps to read. I used to freeze... I couldn't read properly as my thoughts were of rhe smell of her perfume and smoke. You know the rest. How she sent a note that I had not done my reading work to my Mum and how my Mum wrote a comment back as she had spent hours with me, and how the teacher took it all out on me by not teaching me for the rest of the year... Actually, when she put me in the room to sit on my own, I didn't mind.

Sorry. Just realized. I am going off at a tangent to the threads title.

Tangents can actually be good recess options when you've reached the end of the mile. At times when you don't succeed try, try again. I reckon there are only so many tries in the first place, before someone takes it out on you.
The body language of some people always ceases to amaze me.
My first primary school teacher had teaching difficulties because of me and my quietly controlled demeanour, there used to be a book corner, I'd sneak off to just to get out of the elementary class rules and mainly all the bad attitude that came directly from within the classroom. Public school is crass. The 'incidents' with locking teenagers in cupboards came later, as again, it may have been the noise levels and rude behaviour or just pure boredom of the class that sent the teach off of her rocker, so she put me in the store cupboard to 'read', for my own safety.
They knew I was better off studying at home, and I think I would have benefited better with extra home tutoring which would have been too expensive to have. You sometimes have to put up with things that are entirely unnecessary at the time. Years later you can look back, and be a far better and kinder person through self knowledge and awareness of events.

The other day I started hyperventilating at work. I was very upset about something that had not gone as expected at the end of an emotionally exhausting few days. People asked me if I was ok or if they could help. I just said no and tried to be as quiet as possible about it. Nothing bad came of it fortunately.