I Don't Really Understand Most People

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One of the things holding me back from forming a lot of connections with people is that I feel that most people aren't very open with who they are. Most social interactions as a whole seem kind of fake, and many friendships that I see seem pretty fake. I feel that most people hide parts of their true selves and it's exhausting to try to figure people out. I wish that people would be more open about who they are.

It is a process. You share a bit of who you are, and if you don't bore them, they share a bit more about who they are under the mask. Along the way, if you recognize a rare or slang word pertaining to their interests, they will share more, and if not, they might try something else, but will hide the tender bits.

My wife and I went to Club Med in Tahiti for our honeymoon. At one dinner a guy from New Zealand asked if my wife were American. His opinion of the American women he had observed was that they were loud and obnoxious, "sharing" way too much about themselves. When I told him that my wife was American, he asked if she were Christian as that could be the only possible other explanation for her decent behavior.

In Europe also Americans are often viewed as excessively open in their "sharing". I am not sure how Asians view Americans, but given how taciturn they seem, they may have an even lower opinion of Americans, but be too polite to mention it.

As a general rule of thumb people require a deeper relationship before sharing much information.

We live in a consumer society were relationships are based on using others to feel good. This tends towards superficiality, falsity, and shallowness. One cannot take these relationships very deep because it would begin to expose the illusions we show to others and tell ourselves.

People may be inclined to hide their "true" selves even from themselves because they prefer to avoid the discomfort that brutal honesty would bring.

There are people who have come to tolerate truth and are capable of deeper relationships like some ex-cons, people abused as children, terminal patients, a few Christians, AA members, and some first responders. Tragedy has a tendency to shatter illusions and allow a little truth in.

There is very few people i understand. I can see motives and intent relatively easily by watching for patterns in behaviour. But the way they communicate, lie, create a whole "show" when they could just be honest really annoys me and confuses me.
Thats why, the few friends i still have are the ones that are not everyones cup of tea, they are very very upfront. They will be honest even if it offends people. I have had people report to me that my best friend was saying things about me. I asked what he had said, and quickly pointed out that he says those things to my face too. Yes i can be unreliable, yes i can be reclusive....my friend wont pretend im not. But he will always be there for me regardless. I do not have friends that impose obligations on me. The only obligations i want are those openly, honestly requested.
Many many people seem to expect you to be obligated to them without having agreed to it. This has always confused me.
hints and "subtext" are another thing i really dont get. Just say it!
This is why i spend my days with animals, not people lol