Bad mood about being told to think about moving out

Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 

chris1989
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Aug 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,528
Location: Kent, UK

15 Aug 2019, 5:24 pm

There is another thing about not looking forward to my birthday. My dad told me I ought to start thinking about maybe finding a flat somewhere, something I dreaded being told to me. I might even be considered to meet these I saw who came round to talk to me a few years ago about helping people like me with aspergers live independently and it probably involving assisted living which I don't want really. It would make me feel like I am incapable of doing something when I am capable of doing things myself on my own at home. It has put me right now in a low mood. It also feels as though I am being quite childish about not adapting well to change.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

15 Aug 2019, 5:46 pm

chris1989 wrote:
There is another thing about not looking forward to my birthday. My dad told me I ought to start thinking about maybe finding a flat somewhere, something I dreaded being told to me. I might even be considered to meet these I saw who came round to talk to me a few years ago about helping people like me with aspergers live independently and it probably involving assisted living which I don't want really. It would make me feel like I am incapable of doing something when I am capable of doing things myself on my own at home. It has put me right now in a low mood. It also feels as though I am being quite childish about not adapting well to change.


I had this too, a few years ago (before I met my boyfriend). My mum got a social worker involved, and they talked me into moving to a flat involving something along the lines of assisted living, or even living with roommates with disabilities like autism or downs syndrome. That didn't really appeal to me, so I declined and told them that I'll move out when I'm ready.
If this happens to you, just decline. Nobody can force you to do these things. I do understand that you are capable of living on your own and that all you need is to be financially ready to move out, not treated like you're disabled.
Moving out is a big change, and some of us on the spectrum don't take change very well. Maybe explain that to your dad.

I'm sorry you are going through this.


_________________
Female


Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,588

16 Aug 2019, 5:24 am

Joe90 wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
There is another thing about not looking forward to my birthday. My dad told me I ought to start thinking about maybe finding a flat somewhere, something I dreaded being told to me. I might even be considered to meet these I saw who came round to talk to me a few years ago about helping people like me with aspergers live independently and it probably involving assisted living which I don't want really. It would make me feel like I am incapable of doing something when I am capable of doing things myself on my own at home. It has put me right now in a low mood. It also feels as though I am being quite childish about not adapting well to change.


I had this too, a few years ago (before I met my boyfriend). My mum got a social worker involved, and they talked me into moving to a flat involving something along the lines of assisted living, or even living with roommates with disabilities like autism or downs syndrome. That didn't really appeal to me, so I declined and told them that I'll move out when I'm ready.
If this happens to you, just decline. Nobody can force you to do these things. I do understand that you are capable of living on your own and that all you need is to be financially ready to move out, not treated like you're disabled.
Moving out is a big change, and some of us on the spectrum don't take change very well. Maybe explain that to your dad.

I'm sorry you are going through this.


Actually, I'm pretty sure that his parents can force him to move out if they want to since he's a legal adult. I'm pretty sure the law doesn't force parents to provide for their legally adult children anywhere, except maybe when the adult child is very seriously disabled.



IstominFan
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Nov 2016
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,114
Location: Santa Maria, CA.

17 Aug 2019, 9:40 am

I'm not in a hurry to move out but, if this ever became within the realm of possibility, I would like to begin a serious conversation about it.



Nydcat
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 30 May 2019
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 187

17 Aug 2019, 11:50 am

If this become reality, you will probably need help getting structured. You should do your budget in avance with someone you trust. Personally, I was really scared and anxious the week before.



Persephone29
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jun 2019
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,406
Location: Everville

18 Aug 2019, 2:54 am

Your parents may be ready for you to move out. We aspies have to realize that others have an opinion about their lives too.


_________________
Disagreeing with you doesn't mean I hate you, it just means we disagree.

Neurocognitive exam in May 2019, diagnosed with ASD, Asperger's type in June 2019.


RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,186
Location: Adelaide, Australia

18 Aug 2019, 6:06 am

If I was you I would want to move out so I could be be alone. Life is better without other people distract you.

Renting is OK but sometimes the landlords can be so strict. I think it is better to buy a house so you don't have to deal with bossy landlords.


_________________
The days are long, but the years are short


aquafelix
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2019
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 955
Location: Australia

18 Aug 2019, 8:26 am

That sound really stressful to have that said to you. Do you feel ready to move out? Is your dad a reasonable human being who will listen to your concerns, or is he the type to try to "teach" you to swim by throwing you in the deep end of the pool?



Fireblossom
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jan 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,588

18 Aug 2019, 11:11 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Renting is OK but sometimes the landlords can be so strict. I think it is better to buy a house so you don't have to deal with bossy landlords.


Naturally, but most people need a loan for it and getting one isn't easy, at least not where I come from... the best way for a young person is to live with their parents and save money, then move out to a place they own directly once they have enough for the loan. My sister did this, but it isn't possible for everyone. Me, for examble. My parents live in the country side with no public transportation and since my disability prevents me from getting a driver's license, staying there wasn't an option once I graduated if I wanted to get to work somehow.



Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 77
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,721
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

18 Aug 2019, 11:46 am

Being in a bad mood makes it hard to find a good place to live. The Chinese write "Change" as "Danger+Opportunity" Can you think of any reasons to want a change? Maybe a roommate with shared interests? I learned much I'd never had learned at home by renting a room with a shared kitchen. I was close enough to the other tenants to observe normal behaviour and practice interaction, but able to retreat to my own space any time.
It is good to learn some versatility, because it looks like young people now run a high risk of becoming climate refugees at some time.



RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,186
Location: Adelaide, Australia

18 Aug 2019, 5:53 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Renting is OK but sometimes the landlords can be so strict. I think it is better to buy a house so you don't have to deal with bossy landlords.


Naturally, but most people need a loan for it and getting one isn't easy, at least not where I come from... the best way for a young person is to live with their parents and save money, then move out to a place they own directly once they have enough for the loan.


That would be a good way to do it. Maybe I should have done it that way. The OP can use that to convince his parents to allow him to remain at home.

I see the OP is from south-east England what are the rent/housing prices like in that region?


_________________
The days are long, but the years are short


Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 77
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,721
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

18 Aug 2019, 6:11 pm

It is a great stress-relief for me to be able to live well in a car when I have to. It is like a lifeboat, as well as a ship's launch for exploration. If I were young, I'd definitely look at getting something mobile. For long-term, I'd want something with stand-up room and shower, but that can be done in a truck camper. They tend to be cheap, and you don't need a truck until you have to move them. "Tiny Houses" can be wonderful, provided you can find a friendly landowner and zoning situation, or a succession of them.
I heard of one girl who built a tiny house in her parent's back yard, and suddenly the family worked well instead of badly. Presumably, she can haul it away if it is time to go farther, and keep most of her daily gear intact.