My therapist doesn't think I have asperger's

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I'm so confused. I've been to about 5 different psychologists/therapists in my life since about 14, as I was having severe anxiety problems, as well as a bit of depression.

My first psychologist said she thought I had it, but didn't want to label me as she was worried it would 'hinder' me. My second therapist was at my old school and we didn't talk about it much as she wasn't trained in it. My third psychologist said she didn't think I had it, as "if I did I wouldn't like English literature and analysing metaphors", so that was ruled out the minute I said I loved that. My NEXT therapist is my current mentor at university and believes I have it for sure, and she helps me with some of my symptoms such as sensory overload, struggling with romantic relationships and friendships, etc. I adore her. I then had a meltdown and had to come home fro uni and this psychiatrist ALSO thought I had it, and has sent me for an assessment which it taking ages to get to because I'm on a waiting list until February. And NOW, my current therapist I'm seeing until uni term starts again doesn't think I have it.

I've never been so confused before IN MY LIFE.

She doesn't think I have it because I'm "too intuitive with other people's emotions", and says that if I had autism I would be very cold and uncaring if someone cried, like I wouldn't feel anything. I feel intensely if someone cries and I always want to help them, but apparently that means I can't have high functioning Aspergers?

When I told her about my male friend who has Aspergers, I was telling her about sometimes him saying things that offend me a bit, and him being a computer scientist, and then she said "That's aspergers", which is true, but she said it as if that's the only thing it can be, and said that if I had Aspergers I wouldn't care if I said something to offend someone, I would just say it. Of course I've said things in the past that have accidentally offended someone, but it's usually in private as my mum's disciplined me a lot against doing those things so I've taught myself to not do them.

I'm not sure what to think!

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

what's stopping you from getting an official diagnosis (from a presumably qualified specialist, and not these ppl)?

It's the fact i'm on a waiting list in the UK it can take years for people on the spectrum to even get to their assessment, I don't really know why! I was referred my town/borough's main person for sorting out referrals (a specialist?) and she said I'm pretty much a classic high functioning aspie case, yet my new therapist who I'm seeing temporarily doesn't see ANY signs.

I'm seeing my current therapist outside of my uni because I was suffering from depression as I find my home life a bit tense sometimes, so I can't have an official diagnosis until February.

I'm on a list too.
I wouldn't take anything to heart from ppl who are not qualified to diagnose, tho discussions with these therapists about whether potential ASD feeds your depression will be tricky. I do find it's better to stick with one therapist, as they have a history on/with you and can see the long term patterns in how you think and act.

That's true, she did say that I should only see one. That's why I'm going to stop seeing her once I get back to university and see my other one, who understands the whole ASD situation a lot better!

How long have you been on a list?

One yr.
I was seeing a ASD counselor who thinks I have it, but I'm not taking even that to heart until/unless I get a diagnosis. I've decided not to sweat about it while waiting.

That's a good idea, I should probably do that too. That's a long time though, it sucks doesn't it? :/

I guess having a diagnosis won't fix everything (which is what I've been told) so I'm doing what my therapist says, even if she doesn't think I have ASD, and I do feel a bit better. But the social anxiety won't go away as I genuinely don't know what to do sometimes. It will work out anyway, diagnosis or not a diagnosis!

thank you for replying!

yes, maybe concentrate on the known, issues at hand esp. as wondering about whether you're ASD or not might be amping your anxiety

This therapist really doesn't know anything about how the Autism Spectrum could manifest itself.

I think so, I'm just going to relax as I will be okay either way. She's given me some amazing coping skills and confidence in myself, which I really needed!

sounds like the one you should stick with

I have seen psychologists that told me "no you don't have that, you wouldn't be able to have a job, you wouldn't be able to talk" etc... There is a lot of misconceptions about autism and spectrum of autism.
A psychiatrist put me on antidepressants and that was pretty much it. That did not do anything for my anxiety and I still often felt sad. He could never give me any clue as to how I would know the medication would work other than "you will know". I don't know sometimes how I feel. I cannot tell a difference between sad, depressed, anxious.
Most "experts" concentrate on children it seems. As an adult diagnosis gets a little more difficult sometimes. There is a lot of overlap and co-morbidity or conditions with ASD and Aspergers, that can confuse clinicians. Not uncommon for people to be treated for these separately and the overall combining condition is overlooked or simply dismissed "You're just depressed! There is nothing else wrong with you" A proper diagnosis can only be made with complex testing and analysis of behavior. Adults may develop coping and masking skills to cover some of their issues. Therapists, that have not done or don't know how to do an assessment properly may not be able to give you good advice. I don't think it is uncommon at all to get a wrong diagnosis as an adult.
There is no lab test, that can tell you YES or NO. It is in the end a conclusion drawn upon your behavior and symptom history combined with some testing. I found mostly some explanation for things, some assurance that I am not narcisstic, and some things I can explain better for myself and watch out for. I never realized how much I have misread other peoples emotions. I catch myself more often thinking I found another autistic trait in me, that I had not noticed or seen before. The problem I always have is I don't know what normal or neurotypical is, my reality is my normal. As I recently read on this forum mild autism, may just mean that it is hard for others to see it because the symptoms are mild, not that it feels mild to me.

I've learned to live with my therapist claiming I have Asperger's and my psychiatrist not believing it. I don't care any more who is right. I might be somewhere in the grey zone where changing criteria would include or exclude me depending on interpretations.

My experiences are better described with autistic terms than standard emotions. On the other hand, apart from being a nerd, I don't show obvious symptoms. Everything is internal. Sensory issues, deep focus and difficulty changing tasks. Social structures and hierarchies are unobvious for me but I often can spot them by observation.

Anyway, my therapist and psychiatrist disagree on weather I have AS but both do help me. That's what counts.

Yep....absolutely.....the "helping aspect" counts most.

I've been put on antidepressants too, and they helped at the beginning but they've slowly diminished in effect over time. I still often feel sad too, and I can never figure out why as it just is there a lot of the time, like a melancholy, and it's triggered by people and things. I'm so sensitive to everything, I have all sorts of allergies, I can't eat basic fruits, and I feel people's presence on my skin sometimes if they're near and they evoke a strong feeling in me. If a train or a loud engine whizzes past it's like its targeting me on the inside, I can feel it like a metal. It's just this sense I am different, like I move differently and jump when I'm excited and think too intensely about things and just feel strange. Like I connect things everywhere and obsess about certain ideas and people, and that's how I teach myself about the world.

Yes it is confusing, especially in women, as I often appear over-empathetic which seemingly rules me out for the diagnosis in many people's eyes. It was my mother who thought I had it first, and at first I didn't think I had it at all. But over time as my meltdowns got worse as I grew up, and I found myself getting more and more confused and isolating myself more and more, I kind of felt like it clicked. I've gotten better at acting, but on a bad day I can barely do it at all and it almost physically hurts to smile and be in their presence.

My therapist thinks it's trauma and OCD that are giving me the symptoms, and I reckon I definitely have trauma and OCD, but I always think there's something more, because I'm always fumbling about in social situations, like there's this gap that I'm missing but I convince myself I know what's going on when really I don't, and I just end up upset. This leads to depression and I therefore know it's something larger than OCD and trauma. If it isn't, that's great, because then in theory I'll be 'neurotypical' and be like all the other people who have been and gone throughout my life and functioned fine socially... having boyfriends/girlfriends and casual sex, doing all these amazing social things like parties and festivals... when i know I have never wanted to do those things (except have a partner) and if I did I could never do it for more than a few days. It just seems so easy for them, but for me it's like a block. But maybe that's just fear of rejection or trauma, I don't know...

I completely feel what you said, and the assessment will be thorough in February and it will be completed by 2 psychological specialists, with interviews with my mother too. For me, it feels very fundamental like it is just part of who I am, this weird, intangible thing in my mind and body drawing me into myself... but I kind of like being on my own unless it's with a close friend I know I can trust.

Thank you for replying!

Yes, it's the same for me as in I have two people disagreeing with each other. I think I'm like that too, as I can socialise but I think people can sense me become distant as I'm always thinking what to say next. But I have a big big smile and people assume I'm always happy! I don't fit into the criteria that suggests Asperger's is purely based on logic or 'systemizing', as I am more into the arts.

I like observing too, and I despise social hierarchies and wish everyone would just get along regardless. But people adhere to them a lot and it seems to be the way society works which makes me sad. I clocked that there was a thing called 'popularity' at about 9, and tried to fit in but quickly learned I couldn't, I was becoming too tired and somehow always ended up drifting to the back of things anyway, so that's when I began to forget about hierarchies too.

Both do help me too, and I try to combine what they say together, as although my current therapist says I don't have it, I do like her and she helps me with mindfulness which I'm usually quite bad at. My University therapist helps me with self-care.