Feeling like you are cursed

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Apparently I have a talent for making other people feel cursed.

There are times when it seems like a curse, and also times when it feels like a gift. Unfortunately, NT people don't tend to see the suffering inflicted by the curse (hence the phrase "invisible disability", I'm assuming), and equally, there are times when NT people regard me as a freak rather than someone with anything to offer (however, there are also times when they call me a genius).

My best friend is married to a paraplegic in a wheelchair. Another friend of mine has had sight difficulties all his life, and is likely to be completely blind within the next few years. You can probably guess where I'm going with this, so yes, thank you, I will gladly accept to-day's prize for Most Trite and Facile Comment of the Day, but I cannot help noticing that when I ask the guy in the wheelchair how he's doing, he never answers: "Oh, a bit fed up actually, I'm stuck in this wheelchair and I can't move my arms or legs." And when I bump into the guy with the sight difficulties, he never replies: "Oh, still going blind, you know?" It seems as though they've found ways of accepting that they have those problems and working around them as best they can.

Having struggled with suicidal depression since childhood, and all the social isolation and loneliness that can go with AS, I'm not claiming it's easy, but in recent years I have found it's possible to accept that I have AS and concentrate on finding ways of living with it. The biggest difficulty, I find, is explaining to NTs why I'm living the way I do, e.g. they still insist getting out of the house more, joining some clubs etc., would alleviate my loneliness and depression, because they can't see how much stress and exhaustion that kind of interaction would cause me, but I know all too well...

Maybe the curse is not the condition itself, but the insensitivity of some NT people and their reluctance to even believe it's a thing. However, if it's any consolation, insensitive NTs also cause pain to more sensitive NTs, not just to us!

On a more literal note:
While I myself is blessed, and thought to be lucky.
There's a time I believed that I can bless and curse people at will. I might still do. Because it keeps happening.

... Which keeps coincidentally happening even now.
'Blessings' are plenty but...

'Curses', however... Most of them are petty. That rude person who annoyed me getting an earful in public by some authority. Or some greedy guy losing his stuff. Or heck, being jealous at someone and this someone got sick -- and that someone was most never got sick.
I know there's a logic in this, but it just keeps happening.

I don't have to be a bully or even pull some psychological trick. I don't even have to do anything 'social', much less interact with anyone anymore than I would.

My best/worst was... Well... I dunno.
There was this Christmas party. Decided to go home earlier, so I left my mom and sister. They went home past midnight, and got ambushed on the road. They mugged mom and my sister, took the bag with a lot of our money, and injured mom.
I mean, why? What if I decided to stay longer? What would it be? It could've been worse, one of us might've been dead. It pissed me off greatly that I did wish a curse upon those muggers. I don't even know what they looked and sound like -- all I know was that they hurt mom and traumatized my family.
Those muggers turned out dead about a week later. Too bad no one brought mom's stuff back.
The muggers were drug addicts. I won't be surprised if they got caught up in some organized crime or sort. It also might've as well sparked my mom going into local politics instead of remaining a networking housewife for most of her life.


And yeah, real or not I'd rather not ever go too far. I will let it go soon, because I don't wanna 'rely' on it. I'd just appreciate or confront whatever lands on me -- and learn how to take as is.




But seriously!
It has nothing to do with autism -- and yes, it's more to do with those around you and how you take it.

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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

No, I'm not saying having leprosy is a curse. It was thought of as such by people in the old days, though.

It is now called Hansen's Disease. It is thought to be the LEAST contagious disease out of all diseases. I wouldn't worry about being next to a person with Hansen's Disease.

I curse because I'm both cursed and a curse, like literally the worst person on this earth.

Yep it is a curse. Not in some supernatural mumbo jumbo way either. The issues are not curable, they make your life harder in ways NTs don't experience and give no real trade off. Some of you have expressed being blessed. ASD being good for anything is pure malarkey. My skin burning because my threshold for sound and light is wonky, is not good, pleasant, helpful, or a superpower. I may seem lucky as well, as things seem to turn out well in the end, but this may be due more to lifelong repeated losing things, getting lost, bunping into things, pissing people off. All this is adaptive reaction more than Irish blood or a rabbits foot. I plan to lose s**t now, I am an expert ad hoc, jury rigger, makeshift, on the fly trouble shooter because of necessity, due to the problems mentioned above. Yep it is who I am because of it not in spite of it. I would never have developed those weird skills. And wouldn't have to if I were NT. I would probably be able to keep a fulltime job instead of being disabled and on the dole.

Feeling is like something.