"But Everyone Has That?"

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I was half way to replying to another thread but it seems more suitable to start this one here with a different take to things.Most of you who know you are on the autistic spectrum will have had this where if one tries to describe issues one may be struggling with to others, one may have the "Everyone has that" type of reply.
Now before one gets upset consider this...Is it possible that the person who says this may be a person who is on the spectrum too and does not know it? I write this as I did that very thing to my last girlfriend who was on the autistic spectrum. She was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome. Wen she was trying to explain I was saying something like "But I get that" as I assumed I was normal (I disn't know the term NT) and she had the condition. It must have been rather frustrating for her when I said that. But understand where I was coming from here. I knew nothing about autism. I did not know I may be on the spectrum myself. (I still don't know 100% for sure but I believe I am. I wasn't sure before).

No, very few people, if any, who say this are actually on the Spectrum. It is much more commonly said by people who are not Autistic. People who are understand the legitimate struggles of being Autistic so they are not going to be likely to say that. Even people who do not know that they are Autistic understand that what they struggle with is not normal.

You are probably right. But when I tried to understand my last girlfriend, I found that what she said were traits she had, that I also shared. I assumed that autism and aspergers syndrome were severe (As one often sees thw worst cases on TV etc) so when I spoke to her and found that I could relate to her, I had in my mind "But you seem to be like me and share similar character traits. I have not got asperges have I?" I became puzzled.
Don't forget, because my Mum is like me and my upbringing was very different to normal people, I assumed any differences I had were due to this. It never occurred to me that the school bullying... My surpressed stimms. My almost daily anxiety etc... (I did not even know it was called anxiety!)

My thoughts were that if I didn't know this and I excused any of my differences as being my different upbringing, then there maybe many others in a similar position.


Maybe I am wrong in this. I do not know. I really need to be assessed to see where I stand! Then I know more where I am at to be able to look around to see where everyone else is at.

Many of the problems that autism brings are problems that NTs also have, thus making them say the "but everyone has that." It's just that for us autistic people, those problems are usually constant and more severe. For examble, majority of people need alone time sometimes, so when an autistic person says they need space, an NT might say that everyone needs space from time to time because they don't realize just how much is needed in the case of the autistic person. Same with sensory issues: most people prefer some type of fabric on their clothes over other types, but can wear all the types when need comes while autistic people can actually feel pain if they have to touch certain types of fabrics.

Yes, almost nothing in Autism is exclusive to Autism. We are Autistic because of the severity, regularity, and frequency from which we have to deal with the extremes of these things that everyone else also has in small amounts and few and far between.

Regarding clothes. I don't rhink it is pain but I will be so irratable that I will be tearing the thing off! Haha! So maybe I am not that sensitive. But I have always found a need to tear off labels from clothes which directly touch my skin. Occasionally a few clothes labels I don't remove as I am not irritated by them... But usually I remove them. It is like wearing fibreglass wool. Once in school a kid put fibreglass wool down my back and my back was red with blood when I got home. Talk about torture!

I don't see it as a black and white issue, but rather a sliding scale, of various traits. (Which, as I understand it, is how psychologists see it as well.)

There's a sliding scale of stimming behavior, ranging from common NT habits to extreme ASD stims. Same for introversion, social intelligence, empathy, and sensory sensitivity. Every human being - autistic, neurotypical, or otherwise - lies somewhere on these various sliding scales, and thus has some degree of these traits.

When the severity is such that it significantly impairs a person's ability to function - due to the full range of traits associated with autism - then it's considered diagnosable. But there are many people who have several traits to a milder degree, which make life challenging for them, but not to the level of disability.

One trait of autism is a tendency toward black-and-white thinking, which could explain why many autistics see it as an all-or-nothing issue. But black-and-white thinking is often an oversimplified, inaccurate view of the situation, and this is a case where I think it serves us to embrace a more complex viewpoint.

For me it really is pain sometimes; I couldn't even wear jeans as a kid. These days most fabrics are comparable to something like having to be in wet clothes, though.

Is interesting what you say. A sliding scale.