Rewire the brain- self care

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I found this article
This Is How To Rewire Your Brain For Happiness: 4 Secrets From Research

And this detailed summary of the chapters from the authors book Everything You Think You Know About Happiness + Success is (Probably) Wrong — Barking Up the Wrong Tree by Eric Barker Book summary and notes

I think he puts a good case forward for changing unhelpful habitual ways of thinking. It has limitations with regard to medical conditions of course, but I think its something that any person can do on varying levels if they are receptive to or maybe more importantly are ready for a change.
I liked the idea because it provides the person with a framework that they can follow and implement at their own pace.
It links in with some of the lighter yet successful approaches I have experienced in therapy and is now part of my self care routine.

I would say that Cognitive-Behavioral therapy has at least some of these elements.

I have found these techniques useful and eventually they become habits and you don't have to think about them. Interestingly to me, as I clear out the unhelpful thought circuits, I uncover more. That sounds bad, but I really kind of enjoy it now. Like a game of gotcha.

It is so freeing to think, "I don't have to feel that way."

Compliments are just as judgmental as insults. In that way, hence, it does not matter if they mean it. They expect you to say "thank you" as if their opinion should matter to you


There is nothing you "deserve". Five year olds get cancer. They don't "deserve" it. Some people win lottery. It just happens that they won it.

"Life" is not fair


Sometimes "life" is not even "life"


Some people won't "like" you. They could have a good or bad reason.


You can't measure self esteem

Who is to say that you should have high self esteem?


Maybe precious lil "people" with high self esteem, have Narcissistic personality disorder or "delusion of grandeur"


"I will succeed"

Vague. "Succeed" at what? You might succeed. But false confidence is , still confidence. You might also fail.

Strange ... when someone compliments me and I think "They don't mean it", "You don't deserve it", or "They really don't like you", these thoughts seem to always be "spoken" as if they came from my late father.

(He was abusive, alcoholic and bipolar.)

Even stranger ... saying to myself "Shut up, Dad" really seems to have a positive effect on my ability to accept compliments and feel good about them.

Maybe this technique would work for others ... ?

^^ works better if you can just delete the entire sequence. (having had similar with the male parent)

Sounds similar to ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts) in the book "Change your brain, Change your life" by Dr Daniel Amen. He gave talks on PBS for years during the pledge drives.

^I used to say the shut up thing, it's a way to draw attention what's really happening and taking back control.
What I've come to understand is that (for me) reacting to it harshly reinforces the negative self talk, perhaps if I attributed those words to their actual owner it could be different.
I related to the part on waging war on myself, so true lol.

To Fnord (because the quotes keep sending me into endless verification):

You are correct; it is a process and I didn't mean to be glib. It probably took me 40 years from realizing it was a problem to having the problem largely dismissed. This is one of the reasons why to folks near the beginning it seems like such an impossible task. Of course, tell me something is impossible and I can't wait to prove you wrong. Even if it takes me 40 years.

To Amity - that's because, I think, you are still battling your father on these topics, rather than taking your own power as an adult. Fnord may have more power to do that being male and men are supposed to challenge their fathers when they grow up. But nice little girls aren't. You are grown now and he has no power over you. You might want to look for something to say back that is more self-affirming. Although I do like Fnord's brevity. Has more punch to it, so to speak. Fnord, if I have spoken out of turn or misinterpreted something, feel free to correct me and I apologize in advance.

Agreed. Anger is largely not a very useful emotion in a personal sphere. Takes up a large amount of energy that could be used for something better.