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Irimias
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15 Oct 2019, 2:21 am

I went out with family yesterday and at one point we we sitting at a pub and got on to discussing a matter related to politics. Each time i tried to make a point i was cut off by the others present. I even finished my sentence at one point in spite of someone else talking over me who'd had more than their share of time to air their views. This isn't the first time i have experienced this and wonder if this happens to autistic people generally, in that they are shut out of discussions or conversations.



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15 Oct 2019, 3:00 am

I don't know if people on the spectrum get spoken over more, but really most people are just waiting for their turn to talk. They are terrible listeners and don't really care what others have to say. They'd rather show you what they think they know, instead of learning.


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Irimias
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15 Oct 2019, 3:32 am

HighLlama wrote:
I don't know if people on the spectrum get spoken over more, but really most people are just waiting for their turn to talk. They are terrible listeners and don't really care what others have to say. They'd rather show you what they think they know, instead of learning.


True but i find other people get listened to more than me.



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15 Oct 2019, 3:49 am

Irimias wrote:
HighLlama wrote:
I don't know if people on the spectrum get spoken over more, but really most people are just waiting for their turn to talk. They are terrible listeners and don't really care what others have to say. They'd rather show you what they think they know, instead of learning.


True but i find other people get listened to more than me.


I can relate to that. I think it's due to most people judging intelligence based on very superficial criteria. They think someone who talks loud and often must know what they're talking about, so they listen. I tend to speak more slowly and thoughtfully, and get talked over. I think most people also listen to the vocal inflection and tone of what you say, only paying little attention to the words. They hear a pause and think you're done, but if they listened to the words they would only hear a partial thought.

In general, I would guess that NTs value form over content, and NDs value content over form, when it comes to speech.


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15 Oct 2019, 4:17 am

Irimias wrote:
I went out with family yesterday and at one point we we sitting at a pub and got on to discussing a matter related to politics. Each time i tried to make a point i was cut off by the others present. I even finished my sentence at one point in spite of someone else talking over me who'd had more than their share of time to air their views. This isn't the first time i have experienced this and wonder if this happens to autistic people generally, in that they are shut out of discussions or conversations.


This often happens to me.

The worst offenders for interrupting seem to be fairly indiscriminate, and will interrupt almost anyone, in my experience. But the "second tier" of offenders do seem to select their targets more specifically, and I am certainly targeted more than the average.

I tend to remain silent in a group conversation unless I feel I have something worthwhile to say. I have often puzzled over what particular "vibes" I must be sending out that evidently causes other people to think that even the very few words I do try to contribute are of little consequence, and can be talked over freely by those who are already hogging most of the conversation.

I think you are being too generous, High Lama, when you say "most people are just waiting for their turn to talk." I think the worst offenders among the interrupters have no sense at all of the notion of "their turn to talk." It is always "their turn," in their own estimation!



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08 Jan 2020, 6:13 am

It happens to me quite a lot, I think because I have a quieter voice. I'm not sure if this is entirely ASD related, but I know people on the spectrum or with related disabilities in general either have a tendency of being on the quiet side, or being the other extreme and being a chatterbox.

I listen closely to group conversations but often the conversation moves quicker than my brain can process it. When I think of a point to make, the conversation moves on. It's frustrating that when I actually do have something to contribute I don't get to get my full point across, and it leads me to starting the same sentence in different ways over and over again until I eventually give up.


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08 Jan 2020, 7:22 am

DemophobicKlingon wrote:
I listen closely to group conversations but often the conversation moves quicker than my brain can process it. When I think of a point to make, the conversation moves on. It's frustrating that when I actually do have something to contribute I don't get to get my full point across, and it leads me to starting the same sentence in different ways over and over again until I eventually give up.


Yup. Me in a nutshell. Curse my slow brain! I wish people wouldn’t talk so fast...


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DemophobicKlingon
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08 Jan 2020, 7:45 am

Zakatar wrote:
DemophobicKlingon wrote:
I listen closely to group conversations but often the conversation moves quicker than my brain can process it. When I think of a point to make, the conversation moves on. It's frustrating that when I actually do have something to contribute I don't get to get my full point across, and it leads me to starting the same sentence in different ways over and over again until I eventually give up.


Yup. Me in a nutshell. Curse my slow brain! I wish people wouldn’t talk so fast...


Yeah, there are so many conversations I wish I had been properly involved in but it's thanks to my brain being a turtle.


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08 Jan 2020, 9:35 am

Asperger neurology often results in excessive mental processing that hinders a more reflexive conversational participation. However, if the conversation is reflective a a reflex response from most of the participants, it may not be suited to the deeper contributions an Aspergers person may be able to offer.

One can observe a similar disregard for elderly people who also may give more thought to a conversational response. It is not only the slower speed of a reasoned conversational contribution that causes some to be disregarded. Such contributions often burden the more reflexive such that they experience discomfort attempting to delve into deeper waters.

If what one has to contribute is not appreciated in a particular arena, it may be time to search for a different arena.



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08 Jan 2020, 12:02 pm

This happens to me all the freaking time, especially when other members of my family are having a conversation, and my voice is too quiet to compete with others. And then they wonder why I don't talk more :roll:


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08 Jan 2020, 12:06 pm

My family is good for this kinda thing. The problem is that I have ended up doing back to them and others and my boyfriend mentioned how aggravating it is that I do that to him yesterday.



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08 Jan 2020, 12:29 pm

My family does this to me all the time. I tend to think of it because I'm the youngest one, which is typically the one that gets ignored.



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08 Jan 2020, 12:41 pm

I go quiet and leave.


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