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RubyWings91
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

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Joined: 6 Nov 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 417
Location: USA

12 Mar 2020, 5:49 pm

I feel like, when people come home and see me chilling out on the computer, they assume its the only thing I've been doing all day, despite seeing stuff done and hearing me talk about other things.

Today, My dad's wife brought up 'how many hours do I sit at the table, doing fan fiction or playing games,' and ask why I can't 'do something this evening,' that I said I will do tomorrow. She'll also bring up how the chairs aren't made for spending 14 hours a day sitting in them or how the floor hasn't been swept since she or my dad last did so after commenting how much dirt she swept up to my dad.

I don't even know how much is just comment and how much is 'hinting,' like when she asked me why I don't use the work table in my room (which is also the only space where I am allowed to store the stuff I've accumulated over the last nearly three decades). I assume she's hinting that she wants me to get out of the room and when I say I'll get out, she comments on how she and dad were discussing giving me new furniture but maybe not with that attitude.

I literally had to tell her that I thought she was dropping a hint because she's always talking about how she just wants time alone with my dad. Then she came home with a suggestion about clearing old books out and donating them and how we can work on it during our free time. Which evolved into her asking if I've made any headway clearing books out of my room, which then became: have you made any any progress cleaning off that desk.

I spend days prepping food that my dad can add to his lunches, setting up the fireplace and bringing wood into the house and doing laundry. Furthermore, I often end up putting away dished from the previous night as well as any I
might use during the day. On the computer, I'm working the job application process. trying to get stuff like loans, taxes and other personal stuff done. I even have to bathe at a certain time so our limited hot water can be built back up before my dad and his wife get home.

So yeah, by the time they head home, I like to call it a day and relax for the evening. Heck, if I pushed myself the weekend before, I might even relax for a day somewhere in there. I say the fact that it took me a month to build up twenty hours of game time (which even that had to stop because Steam was messing with my computer's ability to function and I had to reset the thing to factory settings).

I can't even approach her while he's around because he'll jump to my defense and make her even angrier. I can't confront her at he time of her anger because my brain basically shuts down in a confrontational situation so I can't argue back effectively.

It's just stressful, exhausting, frustrating and in all honesty a bit demeaning to have to listen to those comments afterward when I just want to unwind around the only people I get to see most days after working for hours on my own. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just whining and others I feel trapped. I often find myself asking "Am I being lazy?" and others, I'm asking "do I really have to pour my everything? Can't I just have some me time?"

It just leaves me feeling like garbage, ultimately and stressed to near meltdown levels. And if they happen, please let them be while I'm alone because if its while dad or his wife are home, I'll be questioned on how I expect to unction in society and hold a job (which is another worry for me because it's happened before and probably ruined my chances of being rehired by that same group in the temporary positions I'm using to build up experience in environmental science).

Am I the only one dealing with this kind of thing?