Really Wrong Planet Syndrome

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So I have a friend. Or had one. We would still be friends except I made my fatal friendship mistake... It goes as following...

1. Enter new persons space, act friendly but totally guarded inside , observe closely, try and blend in, listen much more than talk, talk about them

2. They like me, happy to see me again, I'm in, my clever trick worked, we start sharing life experiences, like I tell them how I want another baby, how I struggle with my health, nothing deep, still guarded inside, they tell me some stuff.

3. Wow... We are really friends... How did this happen... Never thought I could be likeable... Let guard down... Act myself... Say some genuine things about how I see things... No response... Cooling down now... No it can't be... We're close... Try again... Open a bit more, joke around... No more replies to my messages... End...

4. Next person... After a while to cool off and regain confidence... Proceed with Step 1 and 2... Forget about Step 3 forever and keep my distance... Until i forget to forget or do something else mysteriously wrong.

Does anyone relate to this?

I'd just like to say that earlier in my life i could never even do Step 1 and Step 2. So I quite like them. It feels nice to connect even superficially and with it being a bit of a fakery. I like people now that I reaise it's no one's fault. I'm a bit over Step 3 but of course it will always make me a bit sad.

When I say fake... Just want to clarify. I don't see myself as fake. I'm always genuine but in relationships I've learnt to limit my parameters dramatically to fit in with other people. It's fake in a sense... Because for me REAL friendship is Step 3 deep. So its not me acting per se or not really caring about a friend (I care too much). It's just me constraining myself to certain behaviors that are at least partially successful, give me some social gratification and help me to get closer to others to learn from them. I always learn from others but first I need to spend time with them. I like people. Mostly.

I wouldn't be surprised if many here did experience it too. I definitely go through step 1 and 2. Sadly step 3 eludes me as I don't really know what a friend is and have no definition for it.

I'm pretty sure people here would've known you mean "fake" as in hiding yourself from being who you truly are not faking being friendly.

I've definitely experienced that but I would consider myself quite lucky because I have found a few people who are neurodiverse who I can reach step 3 with and usually it wans't me who started it. For example, I had one friend who also enjoyed gore make up and drawing bruises on their hands + arms so from that and talking to them, I could tell it was safe to proceed. They weren't normal so they'd get it. I often find it is the same with artistic types or those who do humanities. I tend to tone things down for those who don't fit those categories and stay at step 2 with. They tend to let me go after that anyway... For that reason I tend to focus more on trying step 3 with the artistic, neurodiverse and fellow humanities students.