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Lizgubler
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04 Apr 2019, 5:29 pm

I have always struggled with perfectionism and it has been really bad lately. I recently read on a few sites that people on the spectrum often struggle with it. Is that true? Does anyone on here struggle with perfectionism?


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Prometheus18
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04 Apr 2019, 6:12 pm

Yep. I torture myself over every little thing.



swordrat32
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04 Apr 2019, 7:41 pm

Definitely. I feel like I'm constantly asking myself "Was that the perfect thing to say?" "Was that the perfect way to acknowledge someone as I passed them?" "Is this the perfect thing for me to be doing right now?" ad nauseum, not consciously necessarily, but when I try to get to the bottom of why I'm feeling anxious and stressed, this usually seems to be what I come to.

I'm working on reminding myself that there's no such thing as perfect a lot of the time, that it's ok to do things differently than other people, that I do good even when it's not perfect, etc., but it's hard.



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04 Apr 2019, 7:47 pm

Perfect is the enemy of good.


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MagicMeerkat
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04 Apr 2019, 9:49 pm

Yes


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MagicMeerkat
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04 Apr 2019, 9:53 pm

Yes, but I think it's due to nothing ever being good enough for my parents when I was a child. I had things I wanted to do in the future, namely going to college and becoming a veterinarian; but my mom would always tell me I couldn't for various reasons. One of them being I didn't try hard enough. If I got perfect scores, I was more than trying hard enough. Turns out I have dyscalculia. If my mom had got that looked into and got me tutoring maybe she wouldn't have turned me into a perfectionist.


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jimmy m
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04 Apr 2019, 9:59 pm

I am a perfectionist but because I have an INTJ personality type, I limit the degree in order to focus on achieving goals. As someone else said:
"A true INTJ would know that perfection is impossible, and the compulsion toward seeking it is itself an imperfection. Real perfection is balance."


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losingit1973
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04 Apr 2019, 10:17 pm

Yes, as noted by my wife and manager.


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04 Apr 2019, 10:36 pm

Yes. I'm not where as bad as I was when I was younger though. These days I can go "good enough" and leave it. But as a little kid I'd have melt downs if I couldn't get it as perfect as I had it in my head.


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04 Apr 2019, 10:46 pm

Not me. With standard, yes.
Perfect? Likely never, both internally and more so externally.


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Lizgubler
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05 Apr 2019, 6:56 am

I think part of it is my childhood and always being told I was perfect and wanting to live up to that. But also I have been that way since I was a toddler. Lately I my anxiety has been super high and it is causing me to not be "perfect" in school. Which in turn is causing more anxiety. It's an on going cycle. Aaaaaahhhh.


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You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
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betty_ferret
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05 Apr 2019, 7:44 am

I am definitely a perfectionist. I am a lackadaisical perfectionist, though. I cannot finish anything because I am too caught up in my ideas not matching the reality of my executions. I am a very self-sabotaging perfectionist. I don't want to even start something if I know I am not going to finish it any more, so I have blocked myself off from so many things. It is a terrible way to live. I kinda hate being a perfectionist. But when I create something that people ooh and ahh over after I've put my all into it, then it's kinda worth it. I need order! Everything must make sense! This is why I can't do religion!



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06 Apr 2019, 8:24 pm

Yes.



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10 Apr 2019, 12:48 am

I'm not a perfectionist but I feel anxious about things left half done or incomplete.


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ApricitiousRory
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10 Apr 2019, 2:01 pm

Yes, all my life. I'm more aware of it now and therefore manage it a bit better than in the past. Lately the struggle is most often about recognizing the subtler ways it pervades my life.


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Lizgubler
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10 Apr 2019, 2:12 pm

I really need to learn to calm down on the whole perfection thing. Its bad! It causes me too much unneeded stress. Anyone have any ways they deal with it?


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Do what you love and love what you do

neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 148 of 200
neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 72 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
AQ test- 37