Did you have or had meltdowns?

Post Reply New Topic

I have Asperger but i did not experience meltdowns since I was 10 years old now had 33, even sometimes I mad for no reason but not a thing that could be classified as a meltdown.

Speaking of a meltdown in the Polish language we usually use term "załamanie nerwowe" - mental breakdown than a meltdown, when some autistic from the UK asked me do I have a meltdown I wrote that I am not a f*****g nuclear reactor to to have a meltdown lol language barrier It wasn't until later that I understood what he was asking me

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/inde ... 048AAVhXkL

I have had meltdowns or something. My whole life I have cried a lot. I once collapsed in a store on the floor when they suggested I was lying. I suspect there was outside stresses that had been building up. I've run from rooms crying. More recently I have been angry. Is it a meltdown when I pound the table, or floor, or the steering wheel, or scream? Hmmm. Oh---- maybe that's a temper tantrum?

HAHA!! ! I LOVE your, I am not a nuclear reactor, response! I have meltdowns all the time.

What determines if it is a meltdown or a temper tantrum is WHY you pound and scream, not that you pound and scream. A meltdown is a neurological response to being completely overwhelmed. A temper tantrum is you being a brat and throwing a fit because you can't have what you want.

Yes and didn't know they were called meltdowns until I came here. I didn't have many for most of my life. Some after getting married and more when I my 2 girls were teenagers .

LOL! Of course!

I remember that I probably wrote back to my friend from England that I am not bloody Charnobyl, maybe I was born in 1986 but I am not a nuclear reactor, to have meltdown

I still get meltdowns on a semi-regular basis. They only started getting really bad once I hit adulthood and started dealing with more responsibilities than I could manage. I hit my head on walls, furniture, with my fists, etc. and bite or scratch myself. I've been physically restrained by professionals many times. My most recent one was last Tuesday; I was in OT and there was a kid outside the room who wouldn't stop screaming when I was already wound up, and I melted down and had to be restrained by my therapist and one of her colleagues. I hate them and wish I could get a better handle on them.

As a kid I don't know/remember if I was having meltdowns or just bad temper moments.

But in my adult life, my first (and only so far) meltdown was 2 months ago during a "fight" with my wife, I wanted to stop the discussion for several minutes already but she was following me and keep talking, and all of a sudden, really out of nowhere, I broke inside. I went into my car parked outside, stayed there for about half an hour. I was sitting almost curled up, all my muscles contracted and my back in particular was very tense, and my arms and hands I could not stop from stimming. Emotions were doing weird things inside me. I was intensely furious. Definitely something I would prefer not to experience ever again, and very surprising because I usually control myself very well.

I don't know if it changes anything, but I have a feeling that it is indirectly due to me having kids. They're still young and make lots of noises and all, and I think that if the situation with my wife happened and we didn't have children, I would not have broken down. I would have been able to escape the situation on time, to find the right words or whatever. Also I'd probably live alone so..

Now the good side: after this happened, I felt a very strong obligation to speak to someone about my "difference", because I knew what just happened was related. I didn't even know at that time it had a name, autism. This made me "coming out" to my wife, and it was the first person in the world I told. At 34

Hmmm, not sure. Example: I am stressed from work and am focused on a task (to destress). My child has a need. I briefly explode (primal yell). I then take care of them kindly and gently (or in bad moments for something minor, disregard it). If I am less stressed I can simply count to five instead of yelling (or hitting the couch, floor, etc.), but lately...

BOTH?
I am overwhelmed: significant work stress.
I am not getting my way: I want to focus on my task and be left alone.

The overwhelm is general, in that moment it's specifically that I am not getting my way. Temper tantrum meltdown?

I only started having them when I was 28. I would have around 20 per week. In 2019 I've come close to meltdown maybe 6 times but just held on. Yesterday I came quite close.

I would say meltdowns.
When your child has a need and you are not able to meet it, it is not because you are being selfish and just don't want to meet your child's need just because you don't feel like it. You are genuinely feeling completely overwhelmed and that is why you react. An example of a temper tantrum is, let's say you wanted a cookie and your mom told you no. Then you would kick and scream. If she ignored you, you would calculatingly find a way to escalate your hysterics until she gave you the cookie or until you ran out of steam and finally realized that no amount of hysterics is going to work. A temper tantrum requires two things: 1. a specific object of desire, in this case the cookie, and 2. an audience, whomever is preventing you from getting what you want. The tantrum is directed specifically at the person who is preventing you from getting what you want. It is a calculated and manipulative specific effort that is geared on a very specific goal which is getting what you want.

A meltdown will happen if you have an audience or not because it it not specifically geared to get someone else to do something for you or to give you something. It happens because you can't handle the situation anymore and you literally explode in your head. There is no object of desire that you are trying to manipulate people into giving you by your actions, you are simply breaking down because you no longer have the strength and ability to remain in emotional control because you are over taxed.

Autism Speaks uses the word tantrum to mean meltdown. This is one of the worst and most destructive things that people can do. You CANNOT mix these words up or use them synonymously. They mean very different things. If you say tantrum, it means that it is an issue that needs to be disciplined. If it is a meltdown, you cannot discipline the person for it. It requires creating a place of safety and providing care and compassion.

Thank you for examining my situation. I had read similar but hadn't thought how to apply it - or needed a third-party opinion. I have high "perceived" stress lately and am controlling my behavior tightly in public and am losing it more and more in private. Need to increase my therapy sessions.

You are very welcome.

You are experiencing a phenomenon that a lot of Autistic children experience. It's known as, I am a really great well behaved kid the whole time I am at school and the minute I get home and walk through the door of my house, I become a monster and have a massive meltdown.

What is happening is that it is taking up so much energy to be "well behaved" and socially acceptable all day long that your brain is totally fried. So the minute that you get to a comfortable and safe place where you don't have to pretend to be something that you are not anymore, like you no longer have to make the effort to act like a perfectly socially acceptable neurotypical, and you can just relax, your brain finally blows the fuse that it has been needing to blow all day because it is so incredibly taxed and exhausted from putting on this social act.

I will certainly not be the one to tell you to not seek therapy as I believe that therapy can be very helpful if it is done correctly and can meet our needs. But what I recommend to you for this particular problem is that you break your day into sections. I do this as well and it really helps. Have specific times in your schedule, and ample chunks of time, that you actually schedule out and stick to to do absolutely nothing at all. You need to rest and recover during the day. You can also schedule out time every single day to engage in a special interest or in taking a walk in nature if that relaxes you. You must give your brain time to decompress and release the pressure of having to socially perform all day long for the benefit of other people. You are Autistic. That social acceptance performance is sucking the life out of you and giving yourself times to just be authentically Autistic will make a huge difference. And if you can disclose to people that you are around and at your job that you are Autistic and that you are not going to be socially what they want, that is even better. But definitely take the time every single day to allow yourself to be authentically you and to rest when you need to rest. You will notice that your emotional stamina and stability will grow.

Last edited by skibum on 15 Dec 2019, 2:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

^^^That has been a very helpful explanation. Thank you skibum.

To respond to the OP, yes I have had meltdowns. Fewer now than before. Like skibum suggests, I try to break up my day and have several rest periods. I have also arranged my life to minimize inputs that stress me.

You are very welcome