I don't want friends

Post Reply New Topic

I don't want friends, even as a little kid I did not want them. I just wanted to be by myself and do my own thing without other people to come along and mess it up or distract me.

I was getting some services renew today in a the stupid b**** asking me all the questions put down on my "goal sheet" that I need to make friends.

Everyone knows friends and me do not mix. If I do make friends but some trick of luck, it is always, always based on a shared special interest. And with other people I have noticed, they do not seem to keep that same special interest forever. (Mine have not really changed since childhood) or they find people do they find less annoying, less rigid, etc.

Jokes on them, because I find them boring and rigid too. If I have to pretend to like something, just so the other person like me, how come they don't have to pretend to like the stuff I like?

Anyway that's one of the things I hate most about these "friend" things. Having to pretend to be interested in something I obviously I'm not. And anyway, they're just going to leave me for someone else and exclude me from their new social circle. I ain't got time for that s*** anymore.

Every single friend I have had, it always went down like that. So tell me again, specifically why I need these "friend" things, Miss psychologist lady? Because I've made it clear several times I'm not the friend making type.

I am so sorry. I am one of those people who, in order to get funding for "you" (editorially), has to help "you" come up with goals. Everybody knows this is bs, but it is the system the funding is on. For the people who can understand the bs, I explain what I am doing and why and make an effort to come up with "goals" "you" can live with.

If you were my client and did not want friends, I would certainly suggest not putting that down as a goal. If you are getting services, you probably need some sort of goal to justify the services.

I am constantly embarrassed by the personal information and intrusion into privacy that funding agencies require to make sure that "you" deserve funding. Drives me nuts. I try to make it as painless for people as possible, but the requirements are still there.

If you care to let me know what services you are getting, I can make some suggestions for future "goals" that might satisfy the powers that be. You can PM me if you don't want to post publicly.

"My pet meerkat is my friend, and he's quite a bit nicer than you, Miss psychologist lady."

Sorry to hear you don't want friends IRL. You're in good company here with people struggling with the friends thing. I enjoy your posts here very much. I remember you said sometimes no one replies to your posts, so I want to reply but I people beat me to it .

I hate these goal setting people who think that we should want the same things they want. If your life works better for you without friends IRL, than they should respect that and write up goals that you want to achieve.

Exactly. The process should start with what you want, not what someone else thinks you should do. And what is this goal cr@p anyway? Most people don't write goals and have their progressed assessed. Think of the New Year's resolutions for the success rate of "normal" people.

It makes me spitting mad. But I work within the system and work the system as best I can.

Whoever's coming up with these things isn't writing down stuff which is specific to you. They're not taking your history or circumstances into account, or at least not holistically. They're mass-generating these things based on criteria which, in most cases, were made up out of whole cloth by people who died decades ago.

Therefore, anyone who states "I don't have friends" anywhere that the system can find it *automatically* gets a "Your goal is to make friends" statement spat out at them. Regardless of whether that would be suitable for you, or something you want, or even useful in the slightest.

It's a dumb, dumb, clockwork system, just churning out mindless repetitions. Like spam, such systems tend to get built and run by people who hold the mindset that "Well if they don't like it they can just delete/ignore/change it," ignoring that it takes time, resources, and effort to do so. It's worse when the system is claimed to be 'helping' in some way when it's clearly not.

Endure. Don't take it personally, and don't ever take such proclamations as set in stone or unchangeable.

My caseworker handled all the finalized paperwork and said if I didn't want to make friends, I didn't have to and focused on the goals I had set myself. Ironically, the first name of the lady who told me I needed to make friends was Aryan. No joke. I never caught her last name, but would not surprise me if it was Nation.

I don't have casual "friends" the way most people seem to. Almost all the friendships I've had have been based on a shared interest. Sure, we can talk beyond that, but the common interest or obsession remains the foundation of the relationship and it's what we always return to.

Same here. I'm not against having friends, it just usually never works out; and I especially do not appreciate having total strangers try to force me into being friends with even more random strangers.

I'm still trying to process what a "friend" is in the first place because the few I thought I had would usually always end up back stabbing me somehow. How about you people prove to me you're not going to stab me in the back or run off with someone else and keep me out of your new social group.

As a kid, my mother would always try to explain to me that is it is all right for a person to have more than one friend... usually when the other person started getting bored with me.

But is it okay for them to have other friends and then basically exclude me from their new social circle and not want anything to do with me? My ability to trust was shattered years ago; and then when I think I get it back, it gets shattered again.

Same here.
Part of the difficulty with my making friends is psychological independence.
There is no desperation in me to "sell my soul" to maintain friendships,
My lack of interest in bending to the requirements/pre-requisites at the expense of my independence and personal value system.

Significant other relationships are literally redundant in terms of establishing a dynasty.
Starting a family has never been of interest to me,
And having someone simply to look after me in sickness or old age is rather selfish and disempowering, imo.

I don't get bored,
I don't get lonely,
I am at the age where sexual intimacy is in the realm of amusing foolishness.
The cost/benefit ratio simply doesn't support the inconvenience/compromise necessary.

I'm sure the psychologist means well.
I'm simply surprised that she hasn't discovered the validity of alternative lifestyles which involves being socially detached. <shrug>

I completely agree with everything you wrote...except this.

Hi m8,

Assumption: You value the sexual act, presumably with a significant other.
Assumption: Sexual intimacy is an integral and important facet of a significant other relationship for you.

Are we on the same page?

I see it more in a "nuts and bolts" sense:
Premise: Evolution has instilled the sexual and sensual seeking instincts and receptors.
Premise: Sexual activity is pleasurable, particularly when there is an intellectual/emotional component.
Premise: Most people engage and commit to evolutionary directives.
Premise: Transcending instinctual drives is possible.
Conclusion: Most people choose to embrace the restrictions of our life system social paradigms.

Hoowa!

That perfectly sums up my feelings on the whole friendship thing.

Poor me, I have Aspergers. I do not want pity, I want empathy. Aspergers is the reason I do not have any friends because no one understands me and no one likes me..

For some of us, friendships, particularly significant other relationships, are overrated.
Neurotypical society is *obsessed* with interpersonal connectivity.
Social brainwashing at its finest.