I don't go to a club or travel abroad on my own

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chris1989
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24 Jan 2020, 9:43 am

I just think that to go to a club on my own or travel abroad on my own seems less enjoyable and lonely when there are less close friends to share it with like myself. With clubs, I don't bother going to them anyway because they are noisy, crowded and the music is not what I like and it frustrates me when I seem to think everyone else is going to them as though it is a requirement and the only social environments to meet new people and a part of me thinks I have missed out by not doing it even though its not my scene. With travelling, I have only done that with family and not with close friends and not alone either because it is, like I said, less enjoyable.



harry12345
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24 Jan 2020, 10:36 am

Do what YOU want to do.

Never bother about what anyone else is doing. They will never bother about what you are doing, afterall.......

Just do what YOU ENJOY.



SharonB
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24 Jan 2020, 12:00 pm

Agreed. It kind of stinks for me, b/c I am a sensation seeker so want to be doing these things, and yet I am a hyperfeeler so am overwhelmed by these things. I am social and outgoing and yet I have ASD so feel awkward and often alone. It's easier just to do my thing day in and day out, b/c it would take effort to arrange to find a "compatible" club or make travel plans with others. On occasion I get "a bug" and make the effort.

Are you wanting to travel or club more?



revlar
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24 Jan 2020, 12:43 pm

I'm pretty much on the verge of beginning to go out on my own. I'm not a club person, but I will go to bars. Most of my friends have moved away and/or have coupled up, so lately it's been very hard to see them, and I've been feeling the malaise of too much routine and monotony and have gotten depressed. So I'm going to start doing mini weekend trips and begin planning vacations just for me to go on.

I suggest doing the same. With age (even though I'm still young), it will be harder for your friends to make time for you. Start going out on your own and don't let what society says about it stop you from doing it.



chris1989
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25 Jan 2020, 7:41 am

SharonB wrote:
Agreed. It kind of stinks for me, b/c I am a sensation seeker so want to be doing these things, and yet I am a hyperfeeler so am overwhelmed by these things. I am social and outgoing and yet I have ASD so feel awkward and often alone. It's easier just to do my thing day in and day out, b/c it would take effort to arrange to find a "compatible" club or make travel plans with others. On occasion I get "a bug" and make the effort.

Are you wanting to travel or club more?


I would travel to other places in the world but like I said I won't do it on my own and I seem to get frustrated when I see it on social media posting photos of their travels with people and it makes me feel like a loser for not doing it as much as they are doing. I don't want to club more really because I have almost never gone to them anyway for the same reason I mentioned of being on my own and like travelling, social media frustrates me with all people's photos of clubbing and that makes me look like an unlikable and boring loser.



harry12345
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25 Jan 2020, 8:49 am

chris1989 wrote:
...social media frustrates me with all people's photos of clubbing and that makes me look like an unlikable and boring loser.


But people post stuff on social media so that their friends don't think they are an unlikeable and boring loser.

Look. People go on holiday once or twice a year. They go out clubbing on Friday and Saturday night - but not every week.

What do they do Sunday to Thursday for the other 50 weeks of the year?

Most probably sit at home being miserable binge watching X-Factor and Coronation Street.



Dial1194
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25 Jan 2020, 9:09 am

chris1989 wrote:
social media frustrates me with all people's photos of clubbing and that makes me look like an unlikable and boring loser.


Social media is lies. Just lies.

Think of all the most successful and famous people in your country. People you'd love to work with or even emulate one day. How many of them post clubbing photos on social media?

Also: if you posted such photos, who exactly would it be you were trying to convince?



libroscaramel
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25 Jan 2020, 9:30 am

Honestly I am the same way!

I'm living in Germany and we get so many holidays compared to the US and also are so close to everything! This is my first time in Europe and I get a chance to travel anywhere and I won't do it ... because all my friends LOVE solo travel! Oh my gosh its so freeeeing and it's so wonderful ~ :roll:

I hate travelling on my own and get stressed even with friends at clubs and bars! I can't imagine going alone :') And it's a social activity, I personally would rather go with people I'm already comfortable with than to go to meet people I'm anxious of ... You do you hon! You're not alone feeling like this!



chris1989
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25 Jan 2020, 1:31 pm

libroscaramel wrote:
Honestly I am the same way!

I'm living in Germany and we get so many holidays compared to the US and also are so close to everything! This is my first time in Europe and I get a chance to travel anywhere and I won't do it ... because all my friends LOVE solo travel! Oh my gosh its so freeeeing and it's so wonderful ~ :roll:

I hate travelling on my own and get stressed even with friends at clubs and bars! I can't imagine going alone :') And it's a social activity, I personally would rather go with people I'm already comfortable with than to go to meet people I'm anxious of ... You do you hon! You're not alone feeling like this!


My problem is that I just can't stop thinking that I MUST be alone feeling like this and I think social media leaves me to feel that way seeing peoples' clubbing and partying photos, I have none, I don't always photos of myself and don't take selfies because I think I look weird. I don't know how they can be great social environments when they are loud, crowded, and making an embarrassment of themselves with so much drink. I have never got drunk but have had a drink only responsibly and don't see the fun in getting drunk anyway.



harry12345
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26 Jan 2020, 3:52 am

chris1989 wrote:
My problem is that I just can't stop thinking that I MUST be alone feeling like this.


I don't go to clubs/pubs or travel abroad - and I've no intention to either.

Suppose there are about 10 million people in the UK between the ages of 18 and 30...
https://www.statista.com/statistics/281174/uk-population-by-age/

...and every single one of them went out on Friday night. Lets assume that a club will hold safely 300 people. How many nightclubs is that? 33,000? Does that sound a realistic number?

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/thousands-nightclubs-close-young-people-13966939

Quote:
Rave nights may be a thing of the past as the number of clubs has fallen by 5,000 in a decade, according to research. In 2008, there were 13,505 UK nightclubs, but by last year, that number had fallen to just 8,703, according to analysts IBIS World.


To be sure lets divide the 10 million by the quoted 8700 clubs. That's 1100 people in each club. Again does that sound realistic - simply for safety reasons?



Mona Pereth
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26 Jan 2020, 4:14 am

chris1989 wrote:
With clubs, I don't bother going to them anyway because they are noisy, crowded and the music is not what I like and it frustrates me when I seem to think everyone else is going to them as though it is a requirement and the only social environments to meet new people and a part of me thinks I have missed out by not doing it even though its not my scene.

Instead of clubs, have you tried looking for groups and activities (e.g. on Meetup.com) that interest you?


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chris1989
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26 Jan 2020, 11:50 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
With clubs, I don't bother going to them anyway because they are noisy, crowded and the music is not what I like and it frustrates me when I seem to think everyone else is going to them as though it is a requirement and the only social environments to meet new people and a part of me thinks I have missed out by not doing it even though its not my scene.

Instead of clubs, have you tried looking for groups and activities (e.g. on Meetup.com) that interest you?


I have been on Meetup.com but the groups and activities don't seem to boost my interest in them, one was for 25 to 45 year olds to meet up but it was 7 or 8 at night and usually I am at home because of dinner and that and so I don't bother going out especially at the time of night. There were some book clubs but they seem to only involve socialising and talking about one particular book and it might not be something I am into reading about and I have been in the past introduced to meeting groups which involve other people with aspergers and autism but I seemed to find them uninteresting because many of them are maybe socially more severe than me and not as mild as I am and that really I want to meet NT new people because I seem to feel as though I am bored of seeing the same people on the same spectrum as myself and want to meet other people who are not always like me. I suppose that may seem like a problem if I wanted to do that because in order to do that I would have to go to bars, clubs and places like that to meet someone different to me and if I don't like clubbing and stuff, well, what other choice or suggestions do I have, none probably, I can't really just pick someone I like who walks past me in town and kick off a conversation because that would be weird and socially awkward to that person and myself and its not always the right place and time to be social when everyone is walking around.



harry12345
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27 Jan 2020, 1:38 pm

chris1989 wrote:
..... I suppose that may seem like a problem if I wanted to do that because in order to do that I would have to go to bars, clubs and places like that to meet someone different to me and if I don't like clubbing and stuff, well, what other choice or suggestions do I have, none probably.......


Have you got any hobbies?

Maybe there is a group you can go to where people share the same hobby as you.

If you don't have many of the right sort of hobbies what about a walking group? You would be with a group of people, but you would only need to get to know each person one or two at a time due to the nature of the activity.

You DO NOT need to go to a bar or club to socialise with NT people.