Chaos

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I am near shutdown tonight. Some of my routines are completely gone due to the coronavirus, no sports to watch. I have no late night videos to watch on YouTube. I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow and my anxiety is through the roof. I am having a hard time joining in, or posting.

I am going to go cry now.

I'm anxious about it all too. I just want this living nightmare to end. I want everything to be back to normal the way it was before Christmas. It's springtime, my favourite time of the year, and I've got to spend it panicking and anticipating when to self-isolate, and not being able to enjoy being out in public places where all the pretty flowers and other signs of spring appears. I just feel so miserable of the uncertainty of it all. I don't have a garden so if I do have to self-isolate I can't go out and enjoy the oncoming summer.

When will this all end?

The first test of vaccines are starting today in the US, and later this month in Israel:

US vaccine first trial

Israel Vaccine Update (16th March)

Our government here in the UK is hoping to have trials up and running by April, and Trump has been trying to buy out a German company that’s developing another vaccine (bad form on his part, but it does at least show they’re getting somewhere).

Those articles, and others that repeat the same facts but with different slants all note that it will take months to ensure the vaccines are both effective & safe: so a while to go yet, but there is an end in sight even if we can’t put a date on it at this point in time.

Hope the knowledge brings some solace to your predicament

I am taking all precautions while also trying to avoid the subject. Which is next to impossible to do on WP. I am contemplating not logging in for a couple of weeks.

^ I’ve virtually isolated myself from the news: even satire programmes on the radio.
I’m only aware of it through WP or googling for relevant info to help other members maintain what cool they can in the situation.

While I am usually level headed and somewhat apathetic regarding much, my reaction to this at this pont is the equivalent of shutting my eyes, putting my figers in my ears and yelling LA LA LA LA LA. Because I am afraid my generalized anxiety disorder will be triggered.

Yeah: I totally lost the plot in response to the financial crash of ‘07/8, and have taken the “finger in one ear, eyes not fully shut but squinting” approach on that basis.
I know if I obsessively consume news media I’ll go down into a very dark emotional place!

My wife say’s I’m better informed through WP than she is through the radio though, although I have been focusing more on the word games of late: but if you’ve gotta do it to preserve your mental balance... do it & stay cool

I am chickening out with as much 'ignorance is bliss' as possible for a while. Once my GAD kicks into gear it is a horrible experience like psyche ward time and I have to be medicated and so on. All enjoyment goes out the window.

Don't they have re-runs on sports? YouTube is still growing faster than I can watch it.

A Beaver away from the water is very vulnerable, but when it is necessary, they completely ignore the danger and focus on doing their task properly.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment . I think once you get your grocery shopping over and done it'll be good- the waiting to do it must be worrying. I was struggling because of my routine being disrupted, too. I found it's helped to make a 'daily plan' in writing and it takes a lot of the pressure off me and stops me checking news updates (I previously had a generic one I call 'daily plan when feeling stuck' which I copy into the front page of my notebook whenever I start a new one so I kind of had something to base it on). I can understand the sports thing being really disruptive to you- is there anything you could replace watching sports with?

At least these days we have the internet for news, communication, entertainment. ... Imagine being stuck at home 100 years ago or more. No Internet, TV or radio. You might even be forced to read a book!

I don't usually watch reruns of sports, but I could give it a try and see if it helps.



I just got home from the grocery store a bit ago. It went a little better than I thought it would, though I had to change my meal plan a bit when I couldn't find any tomato sauce. I could hardly find any beans which I eat weekly. I have plenty for now but next week I will need more.

I don't have much that I can do. Movies get old fast. I can play video games and I listen to music. If it wasn't for having so few interests I might be able to find stuff to do. Great time to be autistic I guess, lol. I do have a good sense of humor, which helps to get me by.

I will get by somehow but the disruption to my daily routines are going to take their toll on my head. Damn head!

Before I left this morning though I nearly became nonverbal due to anxiety, I haven't had that happen in ages, ugh.

I am sure we will all get through this alright. He says sheepishly.

I think I am getting a better handel on my anxiety disorder and feeling less triggered.

Good work Ezra.
Self awareness, and carefully managing exposure.

It sounds like you are rising to meet the challenge. Good for you. Disruptions in routine are hell.

What I have found, historically, when I don't have my regular "go to" activities...if I sit quietly and let my mind go back to neutral, eventually something delightful pops into my mind.

The stumbling block of course is getting the mind back to neutral.

There's LOTS of sports reruns on YouTube.

I can watch baseball games from the 1950s, and listen to radio broadcasts from the 1930s.