Will being a Boss make me feel any better ?

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chris1989
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18 Jan 2020, 9:04 am

I seem to envy those particularly those people younger than me (30) who are already bosses of businesses and it leaves me to feel inferior to them and that they are better than me. I am thinking will being the Boss make me feel better because I am above others in my team or is it just a case of having an over-inflated ego of wanting to be better than other people younger than me and brought on by jealousy ?



BTDT
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18 Jan 2020, 9:17 am

I have one of the highest paying non-management positions where I work. I'm OK with that.



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18 Jan 2020, 9:38 am

Don’t make any foolish investments just because they might make you “your own boss.”

Realize the time and commitment it takes to be your own boss.

Not many people in their 20s and 30s are “their own bosses.” Don’t use these “entrepreneur-types” as an example. Many of them lose their businesses.



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18 Jan 2020, 9:41 am

chris1989 wrote:
I seem to envy those particularly those people younger than me (30) who are already bosses of businesses and it leaves me to feel inferior to them and that they are better than me. I am thinking will being the Boss make me feel better because I am above others in my team or is it just a case of having an over-inflated ego of wanting to be better than other people younger than me and brought on by jealousy ?

I think I'm coming from a different angle here, but I can't think of anything worse than having to keep an eye on a bunch of people, listen to them complain, and making sure they are doing their jobs and then get blamed for things that are outside your control. I feel sorry for bosses, not envious of them. I think being a boss is seriously overrated.



jimmy m
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18 Jan 2020, 10:41 am

Overall I enjoyed working. Over time Aspies can attain a status as subject matter experts. Some are promoted into supervision. I have worked in supervision for a few decades and found that position to be challenging and enjoyable. But when I transitioned into Management, I found my enjoyment levels dropped substantially. It takes an entirely different skill set to manage people and organizations. Often times this requires exceptional social skills that many Aspies lack.

From other Aspies I have heard "Don't become a manager" and I agree with that from my personal experience.

If you wish to be your own boss, realize this will take extraordinary social skills to pull off.

There are several Aspies that become self employed or part of a small tight knit team that have succeeded over time. For example Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak who co-founded Apple Computers.


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CarlM
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18 Jan 2020, 12:00 pm

I'm in a high-paid, non-management position too. Based on the words you use, I don't think you are going to be happy as a 'boss'. I've have had those feelings too and I'm glad I never acted on them. The only manager who suggested I move into management was a terrible boss himself. You can see from my avatar the type of employee I look up to and it's not the pointy haired boss or the psychopathic CEO :roll:.


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CubsBullsBears
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18 Jan 2020, 1:40 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Don’t make any foolish investments just because they might make you “your own boss.”
also known as “multi-level marketing”. Don’t ever get into that.


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Joe90
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18 Jan 2020, 3:46 pm

Probably not. Not everyone's a boss or owner of a business or company. My mum and both her sisters and brothers have never been a manager of anything before, and they're all in their 50s. They've just had mediocre jobs like retail assistant, factory worker, etc. Oh, and they're NTs, except for one of her sisters who is being assessed for ASD.

You're only 30, you don't know where you'll be in the working world in the future. You may have become the manager of a business, or you may not. If not, then so what? Doing your job what you're doing now is better than being unemployed.
I love my job, even though I'm a cleaner at a bus depot. I don't think I will ever be a "boss", because I find authority difficult, probably my biggest social challenge. I can't even be the "boss" of toddlers - and that wasn't even an actual boss job, but I was in a position where I had to be authorative to the toddlers. But instead I just stood there, biting my nails and not saying anything to the kids or knowing how to intervene if there was a problem.
OK I was only a teenager back then, so maybe if I done that sort of job now I might have more authorative skills, but I wouldn't count on it. :lol:


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18 Jan 2020, 4:09 pm

If you think you are good enough to do all the thinking for your team, and will enjoy guiding them, I'd predict disaster. A good boss can feel great, but the way to do it is to be the servant of the worker, making sure that everything goes smoothly between the team members, that all the supplies are on hand, that the place is comfy and the tools up to date, etc. Then, the whole team feels good, and the boss can get an extra slice of satisfaction for being the key.



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18 Jan 2020, 4:39 pm

Dear_one wrote:
If you think you are good enough to do all the thinking for your team, and will enjoy guiding them, I'd predict disaster. A good boss can feel great, but the way to do it is to be the servant of the worker, making sure that everything goes smoothly between the team members, that all the supplies are on hand, that the place is comfy and the tools up to date, etc. Then, the whole team feels good, and the boss can get an extra slice of satisfaction for being the key.


I agree. The most important part of "bossing" is making sure the team is working well. That means being able to step in and help out at all levels. It means figuring out and explaining how to tackle a problem if someone is having trouble. It means listening to and considering all suggestions. It means supporting their work. Seeing a team work together and accomplish the goals we have set together is super cool. I have approached that in my work, but it is ephemeral. Meaning I haven't gotten it to work long, but when it does, it is wonderful.


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Dear_one
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18 Jan 2020, 5:44 pm

“To lead people, walk beside them ...
As for the best leaders, the people do not notice their existence.
The next best, the people honor and praise.
The next, the people fear; and the next, the people hate ...
When the best leader's work is done the people say,
We did it ourselves!”

― Lao Tzu

There are lots of gripe lists from unhappy employees, but not much about how the good ones avoid such notice.

I learned some good lessons on how to chair a meeting by watching a master at work. When doing a good job, I was not really interested in the decision, or even the points being made, since I would only have a vote if it was a tie-breaker. What I was paying attention to was who had spoken, who wanted to speak, and who might need a bit of encouragement to say something and feel heard. There are plenty of ways to stack the deck for the decision you want, but if the team goes through the process of figuring out the best way forward, they will be a lot more coordinated and happy about it. If you don't let them leave until they have reached concensus, they will be full of energy to get going. Those interminable Japanese meetings are not really wasted time, they are pre-coordination.



blazingstar
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18 Jan 2020, 5:57 pm

^ You have also described how the clerk of a Quaker meeting leads a meeting for business. Add spirituality and subtract the vote. In Quaker meetings, decisions are made by a process similar to consensus.


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TimS1980
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19 Jan 2020, 7:55 am

Others have given good input.

The reason I also seek a high technical position without looking further to high management, is that having been in the thick of it, and had my battles with burn out, for me it's critical to play to my strengths. I could burn myself out being an ok boss while falling short on my greatest strengths.

If you're serious about proceeding, go to manager-tools.com and consume their entire podcast series.

This will:
1) give you a sense of the mechanics of what it'll take to pull it off
2) equip you with the knowledge you'll need along the way



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19 Jan 2020, 2:15 pm

chris1989 wrote:
I seem to envy those particularly those people younger than me (30) who are already bosses of businesses and it leaves me to feel inferior to them and that they are better than me. I am thinking will being the Boss make me feel better because I am above others in my team or is it just a case of having an over-inflated ego of wanting to be better than other people younger than me and brought on by jealousy ?


I don't envy that, I prefer to be given tasks to do at work...not be in charge of people. Also people that are good at being bosses, supervisors or whatever have a different personality than me like they know how to be authoritative and get people to get things done without coming off as too naggy. I would suck at that and I would be no use in trying to solve conflicts among workers or issues with difficult customers. So yes I think its best to leave that to people who are good at it.

Also people don't like bosses who make a thing of being 'above' or act like they have an over-inflated ego...since it makes work-places unpleasant. The boss at my work is much of the time working right along side us, when she doesn't have manager stuff to do and though she can come off a little harsh I respect her for not acting like shes better than us. I wouldn't have very much respect for a boss that acts like a dictator.


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