Making eye contact when you'd prefer not to- masking?

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Because you know it's seen as the 'socially correct ' thing to do . Then you're worrying whether it's too little or too much .

Yes, it's masking.

That's the struggle I've always had with eye contact: It's subjective. What one recipient believes to the the right amount of eye contact another recipient might think it's too little or too much. Since it's not instinctual to me at all and I have to cognitively orchestrate eye contact levels in real time and analyze my own level of eye contact in real time in addition to forming thoughts to speak it's very difficult for me.

Everyone recognizes what a smile, a frown, a laugh or a cry is. Those are definite things. Not so for eye contact.

Apparently I make good eye contact, but my diagnosis reports says I'm 'able to make eye contact however he asked during interview “why do people make eye contact?” and “can you see behind people's eyes?” which clearly indicates a lack of intuition regarding its use'. I'm not really sure what this means yet, as I've only just got the report, but I get the impression that no one would notice anything unusual about my eye contact, but maybe it's learned behaviour rather than for whatever reason people naturally do it.

This is one of the reasons why we need autistic-friendly spaces, including autistic-friendly workplaces. We shouldn't have to worry about this nonsense.

Also, if possible, it's a good idea to live in a highly multi-cultural neighborhood with people from all over the world and no one dominant ethnic group. In such a neighborhood, personal oddities like lack of culturally mainstream eye contact rhythms don't stick out nearly as much.

^ I can make eye contact, but when I do I have a constant narrative running through my mind coaching me every second that I'm communicating.

"Make eye contact now."
"Look away."
"In the next few seconds, make eye contact again but not too long."
"Look away."
"Nod your head."
"Smile."
"Look surprised/interested."
"Look sympathetic."

All of that non-verbal communication is cognitive, I have to actively think about doing all of it. That's common with autistic people. Neurotypical people don't have that narrative running through their minds; it's subconscious for them.

That extra expenditure of mental energy to simply communicate like an NT is one of the contributing reasons for feeling drained after human interaction.

I agree with you, Mona.

I read or watched something recently where it was argued that autistics are not deficient in communication, they just communicate differently. A room full of autistics will figure out how to communicate with each other and their group communication may be different than a room full of NTs communicating with each other. So...if there's one NT in a room full of autistics and who would find communication to be frustrating or confusing...who's the deficient one in that case? The NT.

My report said "Your eye contact was not well modulated" . It's certainly not instinctive with me . I find a lot of what you're expected to process and do , in real time , while socially interacting hard .

When having a conversation, I can make eye contact but then look away after a certain amount of time because it bothers me. But if I'm walking around the office and see someone I know, I feel natural not looking at him/her but then also feel the huge societal pressure to make eye contact. Since finding out I have Asperger's, I'm not making that eye contact anymore because it's what makes me feel comfortable. In small steps, I'm trying to get rid of some of my masking techniques like that.

I make eye contact all the time, way too much maybe, but im just watching and assessing whats going on, trying to understand all the insane NT's and their bizarre world.

I have to remember to look away and make comments or noises while people are talking to me because me staring at them intently with no visual movement or noise leads them to beleive im not listening to them or zoned out. Can't be further from the truth, im just listening in my own way. I find that if i dont make eye contact and examine their face while they are talking to me, I tend not to remember any of the conversation at all, just doesn't sink in.

If im talking to someone who isnt close to me, best friend, partner ect, I can find it difficult to maintain eye contact and keep my train of thought.