TMS session is this week

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I have six more days to wait until I finally undergo TMS. I am told that I shouldn’t be anxious but that is how I feel about it. I fear that it will damage me instead of help me. If other treatments haven’t helped, why would this one be any different?

Your anxiety is certainly understandable. I hope the TMS goes well. Let us know how it works out for you.

Good luck, Marknis! I had TMS, and sometimes they'd have to adjust the machine because it was hurting me, and sometimes I'd have a bit of a headache afterward, but that was the only negative thing that happened to me. I too had treatment-resistant depression, had been on many different medications and had ECT with no improvement, and wondered why TMS should be any different. TMS is not some miracle cure - don't expect your depression to completely disappear. But for me, it got my depression to a level where it's a lot less difficult to live with, although it is still there. I will also warn you (if I haven't already, I don't remember what I wrote in previous posts, sorry if I'm repetitive) that some people (me included) experience a "dip" near the beginning, where depression gets worse, but it does get better after that. It took a couple weeks after my last TMS session to really realize how much it had helped - like I said, your depression isn't going to suddenly completely lift. But I would say that probably if there was any hope for me in the condition I was in two years ago, there is probably some glimmer of hope for you, too. I really hope that this is it, that the TMS at least gets your depression to a point where it's less difficult to manage. Let me know if you have any more questions, I'll be happy to answer based on my experience.

Why would it hurt you? Are the headaches unbearable when they happen or can pain medicine bring them down? I have had moments where the depression was so bad I felt like a tar-like substance was coursing through my body and my head would feel burning hot so I fear that the “dip” could make those feelings come back.

I've had 2 kinds of TMS, one which helped more than the other, but I think they both helped. For some folks, the clouds part and love and peace shine down upon them, but for most folks that I've read on reddit, and for me, it was more subtle and gradual and took longer, too. I was nervous before the first time, but not the second time. At first, it kind of hurt, but not a lot. The tech said some folks fall asleep during the treatment and I thought that was bonkers. My first series was a like a woodpecker with a flat beak tapping on my skull. No way.
Within 4 visits I started falling asleep. Almost every time after that, too.
My second series was more like a faucet dripping onto my skull, with very heavy water. The doc called it "metronome." Something about this pattern wouldn't let me sleep, but I listened to music and came to look forward to that time of day when I could be doing something to address my anxiety/depression but also just sit and chill. It was like I could sit and ignore everything without feeling like I'm letting my family down.
I get the fear and nervous. Who knows really what that thing is doing to your head, or how much the richy-rich are getting richer off me agreeing to this. Some folks say they need "tuneups" within a year or even 6 months. Which sounds sucky. However, I was heading towards an early suicide, so I wasn't too concerned about the future when I decided to try rTMS. I think the fact that I'm more concerned about the future now is a good sign.
I just remembered something I read on reddit. If, after a minute or two, it still hurts a ton, by all means talk to the doc about it. It can hurt at first, but if you can't get used to it, probably somethings wrong.

If it doesn’t help me get a girlfriend and my struggles with the other things I wish I had in my life, I will truly become hopeless.

It just hurt where the tapping was happening, and they adjusted the machine so it was in a less sensitive place and/or they lowered the intensity a little to make it hurt less. The headaches were mild, I don't recall having anything an ibuprofen wouldn't fix. I completely understand your worries about the "dip," and I can't guarantee that that won't happen, but what I can say is that I encourage you not to give up hope even if it seems to make things worse at first. If it works for you the same way it did for me, it won't make the depression go completely away, but it will probably make most areas of your life a bit easier because the depression won't be weighing you down so much, sapping your energy and motivation, and the negative thoughts from it won't be as intrusive and intense. I really hope you can make it through the "dip" (or even better, don't experience it at all) and that you can get some benefit from this, I think your life will get significantly better if you can just get this depression to ease up a bit, and I really hope this does it for you. Best of luck to you.

Thank you, dragonsanddemons. I wonder why my detractors haven’t used the fact I am getting this treatment against me, though.

Just one more day.

I wish you excellent luck, Mark.

I'm hoping the best for you Mark.

Thinking of you, Mark.

I hope all goes well.

Well, I waited an entire month just to be told I need to try another medicine prescription and if it doesn’t work then I can have the TMS. I put off a lot of things in hopes that getting TMS would mean I would have a clean slate to work off of. I waited a whole month for essentially nothing.

I want the thread title changed. Hope has been ripped away from me once again.

What happened today?

Could a mod please change the thread title?