I'm a 22 year old medical physics student currently on my third year out of five. I'm coming from a family of low socioeconomic condition in the suburbs where I live to this day. Mind you, this is Sweden, not the US. I have since the age of 15, at the time when bullying started to diminish from my life, have a worsened mental health.
I constantly feel as if I'm stupid.
Me being stupid:
I very frequently say things that are not correct. From a factual standpoint. I will usually get quite cocky with my capabilities and say things that are not correct. When I have to rely on my memories to answer a question, it's always wrong. My memories are very shallow and unreliable. Therefor, I end up in situations where I constantly have to re-learn information.
I even scored an IQ of 87 at around the age of 15.
I can end up forgetting information I learned the same day.
Me being slow:
I'm a slow learner and always have been. I'm not sure why. It takes me a lot of time to learn in information. I can perform at the same level as others, possibly even better in some aspects, but I always have to spend twice the amount of time a sane human being would. Perhaps I'm biased, I think I'm working hard when I'm not. That could very well be true, especially now as I'm getting burned out.
When reading scientific textbooks or articles, I struggle a lot when reading. I lose myself inbetween the sentences, lose grasp of the bigger picture and it takes me a long time to actually read the whole text. This results in reading 10 pages of pure physics taking me literal hours.
Me being inept:
I'm not very practical. We have a lot of science labs and I struggle a lot, even when trying to be as prepared as possible. I'm clumsy and do not know how to lab. Everyone has to carry me. When I do try to do something, it always ends up being a mistake.
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I'm frankly considering killing myself at this point. A toxic family life, I have no friends, no romantic life, I'm stupid, inept, slow, ugly whatnot. Its starting to get out of hand now. I have seriously abstained from killing myself due to the implications this could have on my family. At this point, I don't give a damn.