I feel stupid, slow and inept.

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I'm a 22 year old medical physics student currently on my third year out of five. I'm coming from a family of low socioeconomic condition in the suburbs where I live to this day. Mind you, this is Sweden, not the US. I have since the age of 15, at the time when bullying started to diminish from my life, have a worsened mental health.

I constantly feel as if I'm stupid.

Me being stupid:

I very frequently say things that are not correct. From a factual standpoint. I will usually get quite cocky with my capabilities and say things that are not correct. When I have to rely on my memories to answer a question, it's always wrong. My memories are very shallow and unreliable. Therefor, I end up in situations where I constantly have to re-learn information.

I even scored an IQ of 87 at around the age of 15.

I can end up forgetting information I learned the same day.

Me being slow:

I'm a slow learner and always have been. I'm not sure why. It takes me a lot of time to learn in information. I can perform at the same level as others, possibly even better in some aspects, but I always have to spend twice the amount of time a sane human being would. Perhaps I'm biased, I think I'm working hard when I'm not. That could very well be true, especially now as I'm getting burned out.

When reading scientific textbooks or articles, I struggle a lot when reading. I lose myself inbetween the sentences, lose grasp of the bigger picture and it takes me a long time to actually read the whole text. This results in reading 10 pages of pure physics taking me literal hours.

Me being inept:

I'm not very practical. We have a lot of science labs and I struggle a lot, even when trying to be as prepared as possible. I'm clumsy and do not know how to lab. Everyone has to carry me. When I do try to do something, it always ends up being a mistake.

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I'm frankly considering killing myself at this point. A toxic family life, I have no friends, no romantic life, I'm stupid, inept, slow, ugly whatnot. Its starting to get out of hand now. I have seriously abstained from killing myself due to the implications this could have on my family. At this point, I don't give a damn.

What do you like to do?

Frankly, play video games 13 hours a day.

Realistically, I do enjoy studying as long as it's not programming and assuming I'ts not TOO much to study. E.g. I take a 1 week break and the course material breaks me instead.

Were you able to do this? My eyes ache after 5 hours!

What lead you to choose medical physics? I'm afraid, in physics, programming is unavoidable at some stage.

Medical physics is fun. Doing labs where everyone is rushing is not fun. Doing labs in your own pace without stress is funnest.

Are you diagnosed? Does your uni have disability support resort?

I am diagnosed and I'm not sure if my university has that. Probably do, but I doubt theres much they can do with me. My department is quite small, I doubt it would be good for my reputation to ask.

Can we go through the uni wesite in search for it? It's probably on central level.

Doubt they will help. I'm inherently slow. Because I'm slow I forget and make stupid mistakes. One solution is to get more time or do labs several times instead of once. Doubt they will offer that. Unless I can go and do it alone.

Teaching at my uni, I have encountered some students with documents demanding exactly this for them: additional time at labs and tests.
I don't believe Sweden is so far behind Poland not to have such an option.

I'm not sure additional time will really help me. It's that my groups are always fast and I never have time to figure out whats going on, which means I end up having to ask questions repeatidely.

We are usually 3-5 in total and I'm always left out, they do everything and I'm trying to get a place but can't get along. It's as if their brains are connected and they are able to solve the problems whereas I'm disconnected and behind, even when studying beforehand.

It's getting worse now because i'm physically tired of asking what's going on. Also it kills my confidence. They always seem to get along well and solve problems. I feel left out of discussions and such I miss details.

Working in small groups? That's frustrating, sure!
Anyway, I think it would be worth a while to research possible accommodations for you.

Huh, I thought those were large groups.

I don't even know anymore. Maybe I'm just too stupid in general for labs. I don't get to try, it's always others.

What is your one best quality?

Can't think of any.

I'm literally less smart than my classmates in every regard. Perhaps my only good quality is persistance? I don't know. I'm not studying much nowadays, probably much less than others.

Perhaps ask the person you trust the most what your one best quality is?