Explaining adhd and aspergers to NT???

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Has anyone sussed any good and accurate ways to explain adhd and aspergers to someone who has no idea what it means? Where do you start?

Even if you make the perfect explanation they might not believe

Plenty of lil dips**ts had the nerve to tell me that "you are not autistic"

Tell them to read a book

Of course they can refuse

They are just "be true to yourself" when they are manipulative arrogant judgmental entitled lil dips**ts

The very few people I tried to explain (or to some effect tell about) ASD, ended up thinking I was just trying to bullcrap them. Therefore, I don't talk about this to anyone any more.

Me, personally, I tend to wait until the other person and I are hanging out together based on common interests and beginning to act attracted to each other and discuss entering a relationship.

Before this stage, I don't see the point to disclosing ASD.

Too long after this stage, and there may be hurt feelings for "keeping it secret".

The important thing about disclosure is that it needs to be done at the appropriate time in the progression of the relationship.

Too soon and the other person gets scared off; too late and they feel betrayed.

Best of luck

I describe it as being a Dungeons and Dragons Character. Every character starts off with 18 points, balanced between Intelligence, Charisma, and Strength. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses:

Warriors have 8 Strength, 6 Charisma, and 4 Intelligence.

Mages have 4 Strength, 8 Charisma, and 6 Intelligence.

Wizards have 6 Strength, 4 Charisma, and 8 Intelligence.

Aspies have 5 Strength, 2 Charisma, and 11 Intelligence.

If they never played D&D it might not work.

Correct. They believe whatever they want to believe. By far the most common response when I disclosed autism:. "you don't look autistic.",. (correct). If you show them the diagnosis letter, they could say, you forged it. If you tell them to call the phone number they could say, you hired someone to answer the phone.

Meanwhile they expect you to believe whatever they tell you

Most NTs accept Aspergers as a reasonable explanation for savant skills, if you happen to have any.

Bloody hell. I've only just found out too. But I have heard that...u just make excuses....

Asperger's = a very clever, geeky man with no friends and has a special interest in computers or maths

ADHD = a hyperactive child with destructive behaviour and lots of friends

That's according to most NTs who don't know much about AS or ADHD. Many people think ADHD doesn't exist because it consists of personality flaws that anyone can have. But if people can say that about ADHD then you might as well say that about everything:-
"Bipolar doesn't exist - everyone gets mood swings"
"Dementia doesn't exist - everyone forgets things"
"Dyspraxia doesn't exist - everyone can be clumsy or fail to catch a ball"
"Asperger's doesn't exist - everyone is a socially awkward"

The thing is, these conditions are more than they sound. A mental illness, disorder or disability doesn't just come with 1 symptom. It comes with all sorts of symptoms that can affect behaviour, cognitive, emotions, intellect, memory, social, subconscious, etc etc.

Maybe find a youtube video that tries to give NTs "autism goggles" to see the world the way someone with ASD might? Then discuss the similarities and differences between the video and your personal set of symptoms?

Another thing that could help is writing out how a social scenario an NT would say is "simple" feels to someone with ASD who is masking. All the mental reminders to smile with your eyes crinkled and look at people's faces and don't flinch during hugs or handshakes and don't say "x," even though it's true and they ASKED about it, because what they want to hear is the formulaic response "y." Stuff like that. People don't know what it's like to have a hard time with something that comes "naturally" to them - they have no experience to pull from and relate to.

I think it's a little like how a white, straight, male, non-disabled human is less likely to understand how hard racism would be than a female - even a white female has experienced examples where she was considered inferior, stupid, beneath notice, etc. because of her appearance. I am NOT saying it's the same, just that it gives a point of commonality/reference from which to understand how racism might feel. A straight white guy probably doesn't have any first-hand experiences of being treated as incapable, lesser, etc. because of the way he was born, which makes it harder to imagine what that would be like for someone else.

NTs, especially extroverts in my experience, have a VERY hard time understanding social difficulties and other issues that come with ASD because they have little or no similar experiences to use to relate. You need to show them a scenario that reveals a piece of it to them.

For hypersensitivity issues, relating the noise or other stimuli that bother you to "fingernails on a chalkboard" usually helps. Almost every NT feels HIGHLY uncomfortable when they hear that sound.

Physical contact aversion is the main one I haven't found a good explanation for yet...most NTs take it personally when you don't want them to touch you in a socially appropriate way (i.e. refusing handshakes for acquaintances or refusing hugs from friends, etc.). The best I've been able to come up with is "I don't really like hugs, especially when they take me by surprise. Surprise touches actually scare me. I know that's weird, but please try to remember? And if you need a hug, feel free to ask because we are friends." That usually works for NT females. Men seem to have fewer "socially required hug" scenarios...lucky ducks.

This analogy/explanation about “I am from the wrong planet” isn’t entirely accurate.

Sometimes, it is the exact reverse! Regarding the NTs, we are thinking “Who are these incredibly bizarre aliens from Mars?! They are all so batshit insane to the max!! What is *wrong* with them?! Am I the last sane human being with any common sense left on Earth?!?”

I think a good analogy for explaining the difficulty with social interaction is this:

Imagine taking a one our final exam in school and feeling a bit drained afterward. Then imagine taking a four hour long final exam if there was one and feeling even more drained afterward. Finally, imagine taking a final exam that lasts all day, going home afterward and being completely spent. That's the feeling I have after a day of interaction with others at work, social, etc.

I don't normally disclose my diagnosis to others, but when I feel like I need to need I start with a brief explanation what they are. I typically use a formal definition from WebMD or the DSM since I assume the person I am talking to will see these has valid sources and would be more likely to listen to me. I then state what traits I have and what accommodations I need. Sometimes I put a positive spin on them - for example I could say "I might seem too self absorbed on what I am working on, but I am focused and a hard worker with good problem solving skills. I don't mind if someone interrupts me to ask a question or assist them with a different task."

Sometimes the person I am are talking to won't believe or they are really dismissive, I find being open to their questions helps. I also find giving people time to think about the diagnosis helpful, but this isn't always the case with everybody.