Are we stalkers and was I one ?

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It does seem to make me angry with the implications that someone with autism or aspergers are ''stalkers'' because we have limited social ques and that whenever there is someone we are attracted to, instead of making the effort to start a face-to-face conversation, we look them up online and send them messages. It feels like I am one of those socially awkward and shy characters in movies or cartoons who constantly chase the person and freak them out by buying loads of gifts and flowers. I will admit there was a time when I was at college and there was someone there I liked and I didn't really talk to her much face-to-face but we did so online and when I heard she was seeing someone else, it kind of upset me and got to a point when I stupidly called her a ''brat''. She stopped talking after that and there were times when I stopped going into class because I didn't want to see her there because it would just upset me. Her friends then started being confrontational to me and even got a message presumably from the boyfriend calling me a ''fantasist'' and to leave her alone, which I did but I did happen to apologise to her face-to-face in front of a friend of hers which made it more awkward for me and her and have not spoken to her since.

No. Being autistic does not make one a stalker.

If you had constantly followed this girl around, researched where she lives on the Internet, and showed up where she lived uninvited, then you would have been a stalker.

Calling her a brat wasn’t nice or called for—but this was not stalking behavior, though it was improper behavior.

No: that’s not stalking.

I know because I inadvertently did stalk one girl in high school years. (Although internet was not an option then: thankfully)

Explaining myself to her father when I turned up at their house with no idea as to why I was there was quite spectacularly humiliating for me: and in retrospect must have been even worse in a scary way for them.

Sounds like you’ve just misread a few cues, and been a tad rude when confronted with it.
I’ve done that many times too: it’s nothing like as bad, nor is it worth feeling continued guilt about.

Give yourself a hug and chalk it up to “excretia occurs”.

What cues have I misread ?

Without going through every one of your interactions with her I can’t comment specifically: I was merely working on the basis of ‘least improbable hypothesis given what you’d said above’.

It is also possible that your interactions meant more to you than they did to her without any misreading of cues.

I think the rest of what I said stands as valid regardless, and hope I have not offended you: for I intended only to elaborate on kraftie’s comment and end on a note of kindness.

I think I was a stalker when I was a teenager.

When I was 14, for no reason at all I convinced myself that this group of girls at my school were fascinated by me, even though there was no evidence that they even noticed me. I became mildly obsessed with getting to know them, so I started to follow them around the school. Why I did it, I don't know. I suppose I was lonely and was looking for new friendship opportunities. I ended up getting in trouble for it, as they told a teacher about me and I was pulled into the office to be told to back away. I know I'm an Aspie but even for me that was a ridiculous thing to do and I should have known better. But I think loneliness had caused me to do out of character things I wouldn't normally do. See, NTs socially reject you, then wonder why you do crazy things. They have no idea how bad social isolation can have an affect on one unless they're going through it themselves.

Also when I was 14-15 I had a crush on a grown man I knew of that lived in my hometown, and it wasn't just a healthy teenage crush, it became an unhealthy obsession that took over my life. I couldn't focus on my schoolwork or homework because my mind was too preoccupied with this man (who wasn't interested in me but knew I existed). I would hang about outside his house, and he was a self-employed businessman so I got hold of his mobile number from the internet and even rang him. He came round to my house and spoke to my mum and dad, telling them what I'd been doing. So I was in trouble again.

So my obsessions did lead me to stalking.

When I was around 10 years old (definitely not 11, but perhaps late when I was 9), I followed my bus driver home, and found out where he lived. His name was Jack. I looked into his window, and he came to the door and talked to me a little. He lived in what are called "garden apartments." He didn't get upset. There was nothing remotely sexual about this. I was just a lonely kid in search of company. He was the bus driver who drove me to my special school every day.

This was around the time I stole $20 from my father so I can get a telescope. I never got the telescope. I bought my mother and father a gift each, and had to get my head shaven because I tried to give myself a haircut.

I took a cab home the day I followed Jack home.

There's a big difference between being stereotyped & actually being creepy.

My stereotype about NTs is that they don't care about double standards like that. Stereotypes do nothing for anyone.

No we are not stalkers and I hate the term cause of how loosely people use it. "Stalking" nowadays just means "This person talked to me or was more interested in me than I wanted them to be". Usually these people will not confront you on it and let it go until they get tired of it or you give up and claim "Stalking" even though had they said something before, the problem would have been solved.

By law stalking is about getting information on people unsolicited and using it against them in a harmful way(e.g. finding out someone address or phone number without permission, excessively following someone without them knowing, being at locations without them knowing, and then using these pieces of info to get something out of them like credit card info, threatening them or others, blackmailing, etc.)

Hmmm, interesting.
Under British law persistent unwanted romantic advances coupled with gaining information on the object of ones attentions without their foreknowledge or permission is classed as stalking: it’s the effect on the object that is the deciding factor, although to the best of my knowledge subjective intent can be a mitigating factor (can’t remember if it’s a civil or criminal offence mind).
Which is why both joe90 and myself can say we’ve strayed into that behavioural territory.

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@joe90 & @kraftiekortie
Did either of you have an intent/hope/daydream with regards to your uninvited arrivals?
Curious to compare because I had none whatsoever: just a compulsion to be near to the girl in question.

It’s stalking if it’s all those things. The “object,” as stated above, must feel like he/she is being stalked.

In NY State, we have a stalking statute which states that the “object” much press charges. One can’t get arrested just for pursuing the typical actions of stalkers.

Let me emphasize strongly that a stalking course of action should and must not be pursued.

I have never had the inclination. I do not care that much about other people.

Indeed: at best it’ll get you a humiliated nowhere, whilst scaring other people for no purpose... and depending on their sensitivities could be severely traumatic for them.

I don't think you should have called that girl a brat. That was very rude and uncalled for.

I think Chris knows that now. This occurred when he was much younger.

I think it came out in a moment of jealousy and upset that boiled over and it came out and I know now and even then knew it was rude and stupid thing to say and its no wonder they won't speak to me because it obviously upset them and freaked them out, I did apologise for the behaviour and kind of accepted the apology but still didn't talk to me and haven't done since.