Feeling Hopeless

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Hi I've been a Long time lurker. I'm not really good for expressing how I feel through written text but will try.

Its an endless frustration for me , to feel at such a disadvantage and capacity, to not only attempt to change myself, but to adjust into the conditions and framework of society that is apparently rigged against the way we process the world. For many years before Diagnosis, it went by other things, ADHD, Learning Disability, etc. I think, act, and process information slowly. It literally feels like my mind is always on a bad internet signal lagging, while the real world(outside of me) is running at a fast and normal pace. For Years online Self help articles never really fit or applied to me well, no matter how much i tried to put that advice into action, it never felt practical, because im still attempting to change and modify myself on things that dont come natural to me, things in which Nuerotypicals take for granted.

I fear at this point im suffering from severe chronic depression the more i overthink about this. I cant enjoy myself, I feel constantly like crap just for merely "existing", and that I will never be enough as a person for my friends family and the people around me as they eventually turn into fleeting connections due to my incapability to communicate properly. Of course i usually hear "It doesnt matter what anyone thinks just be yourself".. Except it does.. In order to get by in this world at all, we have to engage and be a part of it, and its a million times harder for us, or people who have it bad as I do, Pushing a giant boulder uphill, i can never be completely indifferent from my struggle and at the same time never fully be content in myself. I know everywhere i go, people assess me and already know how Different I am.

Something about being High Functioning Autistic, I dont have that inherent "zeal" or seratonin that nuerotypical people have a backup supply of, to get by through anything. Its even more frustrating that Im an Ambitious Autistic Person, so I have the drive to want to make it, but with the endless frustrations. I dont want to end up a hermit..

Thanks for reading.

I'm sorry you're feeling hopeless.

Do you feel good when you study history? Your screen name indicates a great interest in very early civilizations.

I think that you write well.

In the diagnostic statistical manual, a symptom of clinical depression is "feelings of hopelessness"



But in some situations, there is no hope

Or just false hope

Wishful thinking

Graceful degradation

Things could always get worse

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I'm glad you decided to post here.

I spent most of my life trying to figure out why I was different and weird. This forum has helped me gain some insight.

Okay, Hi, art is something in which I think it’s an actual advantage to think slowly. This includes sculpture, painting, writing music, editing videos, writing alternate history, etc, etc.

Problem is, it’s hard to make money in art.

No matter how talented you are, there are external factors and timing factors, and you’ll probably need an agent.

———‘

People will recommend volunteer activities. But heck, a nonprofit can be as disorganized as anything else. And as picky in hiring, and let’s just say it, as prejudicial as any place.

Consider slowly building your own volunteer group.

Yes, really, and let me pitch this just a second. For example, let’s say you believe more places should have AEDs, meaning Automated External Defibrillators — and they should! Well, you’d basically learn best practices and then try to get them in your locale.

We on the spectrum are pretty good at diving in and learning a topic. And then you try to build volunteers and some things just can’t be done for a variety of reasons. But some can.

You might simply scout out issues by talking them up on the Internet and seeing the response.

And try to keep it fun and human and interesting. Various mistakes can actually be positive things you and other people learn from.

Welcome to Wrong Planet, sorry are feeling depressed. I process somewhat slowly too, like metaphorical dial-up internet with pop-up ads everywhere. Please don't feel bad for existing or that you are not a good enough person. Maybe you have to do things differently, but you have as much a right to exist as anyone. Rather than pushing too hard to change yourself, I'd suggest finding workarounds that make it easier for you to do things you need to. Take care of yourself, you are worth it.