Is it common for autistics to say everything they think?

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Teach51
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29 Feb 2020, 3:37 pm

Anyone do this? My friend says all his thoughts out loud even to his own disadvantage, it's the same when he's texting. Is this common? He cannot control it, when he has said something that could put him at risk or was inappropriate he immediately realises and explains that it's out of his control. He is not negative about other people, just can't keep secrets, opinions or experiences to himself. I really know all his secrets, it's a good job I'm trustworthy. :D


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BenderRodriguez
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29 Feb 2020, 3:52 pm

Hmmm... I wonder if there might be more than autism at play here. I know quite a few non-autistic people that seem to have no censor whatsoever between their brain and mouth and that kind of thing never goes well, for obvious reasons.

Oversharing, on the other hand, seems to be rather common, many of us (particularly younger ones) struggle to understand what's appropriate and not.

Personally, I don't do this, but friends tease me "be careful before asking Bender anything because he's actually going to answer you". So I often struggle with white lies, giving generic answers and some social "pleasantries", but I'm very good at keeping secrets and my own opinions to myself if I'm not asked for them.


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Teach51
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29 Feb 2020, 4:10 pm

Ahhh Bender, but you are one of a kind :heart:
It's kind of spontaneous with him, much more pronounced when he's anxious. A bit like a child coming home from school and relating all his experiences without a filter, really completely without a filter. Other times he clamps his lips together and doesn't talk at all because he's not sure if it's going to get him into trouble or not. I find it really endearing sometimes and exasperating at others.


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BenderRodriguez
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29 Feb 2020, 4:19 pm

Teach51 wrote:
Ahhh Bender, but you are one of a kind :heart:
It's kind of spontaneous with him, much more pronounced when he's anxious. A bit like a child coming home from school and relating all his experiences without a filter, really completely without a filter. Other times he clamps his lips together and doesn't talk at all because he's not sure if it's going to get him into trouble or not. I find it really endearing sometimes and exasperating at others.


Arent' we all? :wink: TBH until my 30s getting a word out of me was like pulling teeth.

Is he very young? Do you have any idea if his parents would engage him or allow him to talk freely (as a kid)?

To me, the incapacity (some people just can't be bothered) of keeping his thoughts to himself looks more like a neurological issue, but I've known people who were poorly socialised and supported as kids who do similar things too.

I imagine aside from you, who seem very tolerant in general, this must get him in all kind of trouble.


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Teach51
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29 Feb 2020, 4:24 pm

He is 37. We are a very open and talkative society in my country. He can keep military secrets for some reason as far as I know and he has a few but it's an effort, he is the guy I talk about on other threads. Is it a lack of guile and deviousness do you think, just blurting things out?


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BenderRodriguez
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29 Feb 2020, 4:41 pm

In his particular case, it probably is, since I cannot imagine it benefits him much :lol:

Just in my experience, people who are good at keeping their mouth shut are either very private (or had repeated bad experiences with opening up) or know how much they can lose by revealing their thoughts. That's why it's traditional to get people drunk when you want to know what they're up to :lol:


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29 Feb 2020, 5:18 pm

Teach51 wrote:
Anyone do this? My friend says all his thoughts out loud even to his own disadvantage, it's the same when he's texting. Is this common? He cannot control it, when he has said something that could put him at risk or was inappropriate he immediately realises and explains that it's out of his control. He is not negative about other people, just can't keep secrets, opinions or experiences to himself. I really know all his secrets, it's a good job I'm trustworthy. :D


I don’t voice all my thoughts, but things I find amusing slip out... which doesn’t always work out well.
And if I haven’t been told something is a secret... it may come out.
I feel certain I’m guilty of oversharing :oops:



hurtloam
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29 Feb 2020, 5:57 pm

No. The big issue I have, my Dad has and my friend on the spectrum has is being far too succinct and providing the least information possible to get our point across. We do this because the thing is so obvious to us that you should surely understand what we mean with our one sentence summing everything up.

It leads to a lot of misunderstandings.



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29 Feb 2020, 6:39 pm

I'm one of those people who would first think that 'you don't need to know'.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Feb 2020, 6:57 pm

I have to make a grand effort to edit my thoughts.



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29 Feb 2020, 7:10 pm

I think faster than I can talk, and I only have someone to talk to a few hours per week, so - certainly not.
However, I am prone to focus on the logic of my message, and ignore its emotional impact.



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29 Feb 2020, 9:22 pm

I have almost no filter with my family and if someone in public is irritating to me, I'll say so out loud to my family and I suppose within earshot of the person who is causing the irritation; So, yes, generally I say what I think.

Sitting next to one of my kids who has stinky feet or something I'll blurt out: "You STINK!"

Asking one of the kids for the name of an old classmate of theirs because I forgot the kid's name and they're not sure whom I'm referring to so I'll describe the kid: "The kid with the greasy stringy hair." Or nicknaming the teenage boy cashier at the store who looks like he literally hasn't bathed or washed his hair in a month as: "Scuzz-Lice" or the diminutive young female cashier the the grocery store who won't acknowledge her customers or even look at them as: "Little-Crabbykins".

Telling my wife today that we couldn't get a bottle of water at the gas station because there were two "Skags" (one of my words for slob) standing at the bottled water area hacking up a lung.

I'm wise enough from experience to know I can't say such things to coworkers, strangers, etc so my way of filtering is to not say much of anything at all.



Last edited by Magna on 29 Feb 2020, 9:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MyNameisNic
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29 Feb 2020, 9:29 pm

Yes-ish. I have a tendency to overshare and not be aware of social constructs and what's appropriate to discuss or what level of information is needed. If I'm nervous, this becomes more of a problem as I speak quickly and just spew all sorts of unnecessary information. :oops: On the flip side, if I don't know you it will be like pulling teeth trying to get me to speak. I normally stand near my boyfriend or someone I know or in a corner so I feel safe and can just blend in and hide. When approached I'll listen but be very wary of what I say, overthinking a simple "Hello, how are you?" with thoughts of "OH GOD, what do I say?! How should I respond? Does he/she actually want to know what I'm thinking or feeling?"


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naturalplastic
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01 Mar 2020, 8:55 am

Lack of a filter does seem to be an autistic trait.

But since autistics also tend to be taciturn, if they talk at all, it balances out. They rarely talk, but when they do it can be with excessive bluntness.

I was probably a bit too blunt when I was a kid. But so are many NT kids.



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01 Mar 2020, 12:28 pm

I do have social filters and I can safely say that I do not say everything I think enough to be a problem. But I have said things I shouldn't have, but it's more due to being impulsive. I sometimes have a thought that I feel must be expressed, so I say it then suffer the consequences. But I like people to know how I'm feeling, but sometimes it comes out wrong and I end up embarrassing myself.
Like one time at work I was pouring water out of a tap, which was so slow, so I decided to make a joke and said "oh this is so slow, my piss comes out faster than this!" I work with very dirty-minded blokes, so a jokey remark like that would NOT be inappropriate or humiliating, but the colleague who was in the room at the time said, "a bit TMI there", as though I had stated a private medical fact, but it was not really a fact, because I don't know how fast my pee comes out really, but I was just being sarcastic. Maybe it was because I'm a girl or something, but I felt silly after I said it, from the way the colleague reacted. I was expecting him to just laugh or make some sort of rude joke back, being so he's famous at work for bringing up dirty things like blow jobs, 69s, and anything else related to sex, which is worse than talking about pee.


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01 Mar 2020, 6:53 pm

For Asperger's alone? Not that I'm aware of.

However, frequent oversharing can be a sign of AD(H)D.


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