Need of being loved

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I am interested if individuals with ASD have the need of being loved by another persons. Maybe having no need of being loved is an autistic trait or at least trait of some subtypes of autism.

I think that I do not feel such a need and I do not feel being loved or not loved. I might also have diminished need of being accepted by others. I have no friends but it does not cause so much suffering for me. However, I like interactions with other persons.

I wouldn't call it a need, or I'd be dead. I have never had unconditional love, but have felt much better when well appreciated.

Yes, I definitely need to be loved and have someone I love. To be clear, I don't mean romantic love, I mean love and I prefer familial love.
Life would be worthless without it.

This describes me too though.

I can't say that interactions with people other than immediate family gives me anything. If it's likeable, it's usually because of some activity I couldn't do on my own (like I couldn't play cops and robbers, my fave childhood game, on my own, but kids, robots or anything else would have made no diff. It was the game I was into, not the interaction).

I like to be esteemed and liked.

I like people to find me useful.

I want women to desire me.

I am the Wolfman

I feel the need to be loved and included like everybody else. I'm not talking about romantic love, either. Love and inclusion are important in today's world. This is no longer the age of the mental asylum, when unique people were thrown away into those snake pits.

Love, as in acceptance and appreciation, is very important. I need to at least think that I will get those things at some point. So perhaps it's hope that is the needed bit, and love is the icing.

I do not remember having the need of being loved as a child. I also do not remember feeling of being loved or unloved. On the poll there were some voices "definitely no", so maybe some forms of autism are associated with lack of the need of being loved.

I remember that I have "obsession" about single girls when I was a child. I teased them, which was evil. I wanted them to be "me", but they did not want me. Now I may have the need of having the wife, but I do not see the need of being loved in it. Wife or even children look like "hug mascot" or "pet animal" to my "mentality". It does not look so good.

I ticked the second option. As someone else pointed out, it's not a need in the sense that food or water or sleep are needs. And I'm assuming the question refers to the more emotional kind of love. I would say everyone needs to be loved in the 1 Corinthians 13 sense -- i.e., we all do better when treated with respect and consideration as a chosen approach to life, regardless of feelings.

While I do feel better when there are people in my life I believe love me, it's definitely not a generic thing -- I know people who have an 'any port in the storm' attitude toward love (friendship love and romantic love, at any rate), which I do not understand. The offer of love, in and of itself, doesn't interest me. I only want love from a small and specific group, and, to be quite honest, mostly on my terms, although I do try to reciprocate in their 'style' if I can. But I am not happy when there's no one in my life who I respect and like and who also cares about my well being and who would, for instance, want to be sure to attend the funeral or otherwise be there for me if I lost a child.

And I definitely prefer it if people I have to regularly deal with -- family topping that list -- love, or at least like, me. In close social interactions, love functions like the discs in your backbone; it cushions things, acts as a shock absorber, and just generally minimizes wear and tear. The more I have to see of them, the more I care about whether they love me or not. Mattered a lot more to me whether my parents loved me or not when I had to talk to them everyday.

There are two kinds of "love":

1) Cuddly, teddy bear affection.
2) To be accepted for who one is, by others.

Both are important to me. Maybe that's why I still cuddle with a teddy bear at night.

The "accepted by others" kind of love doesn't bother me as much anymore. I love myself and that's what matters the most. I'm not an 'egomaniac' about it though. I'm just not the "misery loves company" personality that is common with a psycho/sociopath. I'm happy go lucky but not as much as years ago (1980s).

I don't think that unconditional love even exists and to be honest I think it'd be better if it didn't. I often hear people say that a mother loves her child unconditionally, but I think that that isn't always a good thing. I mean what if the said child grew up to be a serial killer or some other kind of horrible criminal? Personally I think that if the child's mother still loved them unconditionally after that then there must be something wrong with her... I'm not saying that a parent shouldn't care about their child after something like that, but if her feelings don't change at all then it sounds like a serious mental problem to me.

As for me, I think I do have a need to be loved and accepted, but I think my need for those feelings might be lower than an average person's. I mean I want to be loved and cared for, but to change in to a completely different person who does things that are against my values just that I'd be accepted? No thanks. I've tried it a few times and came to the conclusion that it doesn't work; even if people do end up caring, they only care about an illusion that I created, not me.

I have been varying between feelings of loneliness and feelings of not really needing people but I think the latter is only defense mechanism. Of course I often enjoy being alone and even need it to function but simultaneously I have need to belong in communal sense. The older I grow the less I have need to be accepted as I have come to terms with myself and don't need so much validation, but instead of acceptance I want to experience 'togetherness' with people (and animals).

The problem is that most of my life I have felt outsider and not belonging. I dislike and distrust most of people and don't really get along with many. And from these experiences I have drawn the wrong conclusion that I don't need others. I want love like friends love each other and whole world loving each other.

I "refresh" my old topic.

Is the feeling of cuteness of the cat a form of love? Kitty is a very sweet animal. I want to caress it. Cats can be gorgeous.

Since some years I "fell in love" which appears to be romantic with aspergirls. I dream about having the wife who will be truly, clinically autistic. She should be not ugly (have "acceptable" appearance) and be intelligent (the higher IQ, the better). It looks harder for me to think sexually (with libidinal lust) about an aspijka than about NT beautiful woman. Autism is attractive for me. In emotional and romantic(?) way.

But despite the urge of having the wife I think I feel no need of platonic love and platonic friendship, even with aspies. I do not remember having need of platonic love or friendship since my entire life.

I do not feel loved or unloved by my parents. I think that it is an emotional anomaly associated with some sort of autism. I do not feel fear of closeness and did not have it when I was younger (maybe such a thing is present in "typical schizoid disorder" and characterized "schizoid position"). I would say that I am not a schizoid (at least one who has just a schizoid personality disorder), I am someone more atypical than just a person with personality disorder.

No, definitely not. I've never felt the need to be loved, or understood by anyone. Even my own family. I'm not sure if that's just because of Autism or there are environmental causes. I've lived a pretty isolated life, and as a result, it's possible I might have just adapted to being alone without realizing it.

Yes. Though I don't quite know what's meant here by "accepted." For me, being accepted overall is important, but I wouldn't want blanket approval for every aspect of myself. I'm not perfect and I prefer to be told if I'm acting badly, even if it stings at the time. Though if "accepted" just means "not rejected," then I want to be accepted.

I like to feel needed as long as it's not the overdependent type of being needed. I like to know that I've helped to make somebody happier or to ease their pain, and that they feel some kind of warmth towards me for it. I like the positive attention of others.

The sad thing is that I rarely feel quite confident that I've got any of those things, and even when I have them I feel they might get taken away from me. People are so polite and I don't know how much of it they're faking. My mother certainly cared about making sure I was physically safe and well, but she was a rather disturbed woman and I got very little praise and an awful lot of vigorous blame from her. Dad was warmer about me and much more obviously wanted me to be happy. So, rather mind-blind, prone to making social blunders, without very many friends, and raised without the full complement of the love that I guess most kids get, I suppose it's only to be expected that as an adult I have trouble feeling particularly loved. But I know some people would hate to lose me.

This is beautifully written.

My experience is exactly the same, word for word.

I couldn't have put my thoughts into words like you did. Thank you for reading my mind.

I certainly had to go with the second choice. I was happy with a friendship only life but more happy with a love partner. My early attempts at love were probably as incompetent as Sam from Atypical . And my role models weren't much better than Zihid .