Housing and Autism, my dilemma! (UK based)

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Hi guys,

I am having to move out of my flat due to lots of issues, the main one is my ex partner, who used to live upstairs, has managed to abandon his flat, move in with his ex prior to me, who he cheated on me with among some others I think, and keep hold of the tenancy for months. He is a really insidious POS who robbed me of £2000, a car, used me for sex, cheated on me, and a LOT of other stuff, probably has ASC but undiagnosed and some kind of PD as well. He WILL NOT let me go, and persists on making contact even though I have told him NO and if he continues, I will be informing police. He even tried to get me to sleep with him ad hoc AFTER I broke it off. I never want to see him again, he is BAD news. There is a 1% of me I do not trust in that respect, I don't want to be anywhere near him! Not going into details though, story is too long and worthy of it's own book!

There are also some big issues with this flat, the plumbing is a total cowboy job, I cannot run hot water without the heating coming on RED HOT, in the summer that is awful, and it means I have to leave my back door open because of the dog, as they can overheat much quicker than we can. My shower is also broken, so I have to run baths. I had a water meter fitted in March which was supposed to lower my bill! SIGH. The landlord is NOT very prompt with repairs at ALL. I have reported it but am still waiting almost two weeks later. The agents have been good though, I will give them that. I think they will be sad to see me go, as unlike my ex, I have paid my rent and looked after the place.

Anyway, I am on the register for social housing with the local council and am in Band 2 due to my Autism and what this has done to my mental health.

Now my dilemma is, that one of my BIGGEST issues is relating to people on anything other than a superficial, 'good morning' kind of basis. I cannot interpret people's intentions towards me very well at all, which is what helped lead me into both a disaster marriage and then this relationship with this guy.

I am now quite stoical in my response to people, I do not show them how I feel or think anymore, it's the safest way. I just treat them with respect and get on with my day.

The council lettings service was closed due to Covid19, but now our lockdown is easing (I am based in the UK, Nottinghamshire), they are reopening next week. I spoke to the adviser last week who is lovely, and she said the suitable properties they will have which I can bid on will be flats. Covid has been difficult for me but being as I am well versed in withstanding hardship, I have got through it as best I can. Lockdown was weird, but it was also peaceful and quiet, I could walk my dog and let her run free as the park was empty. It was also MUCH easier for me to get through to places on the phone as well to make general enquiries regarding my housing situation.

Now I am very wary of going into another flat, I have a largish dog, who needs access to outdoor space and freedom from fear (she's a bull type and some people fear her sadly, even though she is the best dog in the world with people and my best friend). I really do not think I am going to manage the close proximity to other people that comes with living in flats, who could, in all honesty be anyone. I don't think I will do well with someone above me, this ordeal has put me right on the edge with that. I've been told not to bid on anything that is part of a block or court, so it will be a converted house type setup, like what I am in at the moment.

I have a past full of addiction related issues, so the last thing I want is to be put on top of or below or next to a drug user or drunk for example.

Also, living in an environment surrounded by single men, who may be interested in the new single lady, sigh, is not going to be good either.

The best setup for me would be a bungalow, like one of those bungalows usually designated for over 60s or disabled people. My home city of Derby allocate bungalows to over 60s OR those in receipt of disability benefits at the landlord's discretion. I cannot access Derby though as they've used Covid as an excuse to shut their housing system down for 'at least six months' even though government advice about staying at home has now changed, and we are moving towards social distancing and reopening. These bungalows are often located in quiet, cul de sac type settings, with a mix of older and disabled people. There is also sometimes an element of support involved, like a warden service attached as well.

Whilst I float TOO much into the mainstream to require intensive support, as in a supported living set up, which I would not get anyway, I do require more backup than someone just going it alone. My Autism has made my life VERY difficult. I am in the process of learning to drive once I can resume my lessons after Covid, and I am going to be looking towards getting some additional income as well.

My 72 year old mum is my absolute main source of support, as I cannot access social care funding for any Autism specific support, it has been the battle of my life. Whilst I get disability benefits, that system recognises my Autism, but the social services department, and medical world, DO NOT! I was diagnosed in 1998 and attended an Autism specific school.

My main question is, has anyone here been able to get a social housing bungalow based on their Autism? If so, how did you do it?

Thanks guys, and hope you are all well in these difficult times x

I cannot help you with that one! But I wondered if you considered a more rural setting. I live in the country and things are much more peaceful and also housing is less expensive.

I’ve never gone down the social housing route, but I can confirm that rural areas/small towns are quieter and slower: which I certainly find better.
How is your life sorted now re: work?
I did manage to get quite a nice flat (three rooms but big) via an estate agents: but that was before the housing benefit cuts... the agency was Northwood: they run a rent insurance scheme so are more likely to have landlords on their books who accept tenants on benefits, also agency rentals tend to be much better maintained... dog could be a tricky point though.
Might be worth checking them out on the offchance they have something affordable in your area...

Well my mum has been my guarantor for this tenancy as she is lucky enough to be a home owner, so that has been a lot of help.

The problem for me with the private sector, is both the cost (to get anything suitable would mean paying over £500, and I only get paid housing benefit for a shared house, even though I cannot share unless they want reason for WWIII, WWIIII and all other wars combined into one lol), and all the personal interaction stuff that goes with it. I can do things like negotiate the dog, all good, but when it comes to other forms of communication, not so good.

One example is the plumbing in this flat is a real cowboy job, the boiler is faulty, and lounge radiator needs bleeding EVERY other day when in use. I tried reporting it on the advice of my mum, problem carried on, plumber said it would need new radiator. So I had to report it again when nothing was done. Now here is the interesting part, they misunderstood me over the phone, even though I made it clear, lounge radiator. So guess what, I got charged a £65 invoice for the call out, because they thought I said it was a different radiator this time!. All this while my ex has been allowed to rack up thousands of pounds worth of unpaid rent, bills and fines etc, AND do damage to the property by bashing his head through a wall, shooting airsoft guns inside, smoking inside and leaving cigarette burns on the carpets and allowing cats to vomit, defecate and urinate all over the flat.No invoice for him! This has made me so angry, yet I do not show it, I continue to try and do the right thing now.

That is the kind of example as to why we are starting to think private rentals are not the best way forward for me.

I would LOVE to live in a rural town, but that brings with it other issues such as internet access, I am a gamer and have the highest speed going, which is often not available in rural areas, and I do not yet drive. I was learning, and succeeding, then the pandemic stopped that. I am waiting on resuming driving, so once I pass my test, that's going to open some doors as to where I can move to, as I will never be too far away from my family and friends. I love driving, so 50 odd miles would be nothing to me if the place was worth it.

Also in the UK, rural areas tend to cost MORE than urban ones, as people live there but commute to big cities. After the virus, there is an influx of city folk moving into more rural areas, and it's shot the rental prices sky high. All rents are going up as well, so for now, my best bet is the social housing, council or housing association.

Also with these big bods, you get a lot more backup if you face issues like antisocial behaviour or domestic abuse etc. It is highly likely that my ex will continue to search for me once I move out of here, we are both equally matched in technical skills, finding people being one of them.

The town I live in is pretty small, Sutton In Ashfield for those of you who know the UK Nottinghamshire area.

It's not a bad place, I would rather be here for now than in a big city like Derby, where I feel I just disappear and do NOT fit in. I do not like cities, never have, too big, too many social issues, too many idiots.

I do not work at the moment, all the crap with husband and last ex have held me back years in that respect. Although once this is sorted, I am going to look to the future with an open mind.

So I am still going to take my chances and bid on some housing association bungalows, I can get extra backup for this if needed as well. It's going to be a tricky ride, but if I get it right, I can open the doors to my future and make it a good one x

Yes, the price jump from urban to rural can be spectacular, I moved from a three-bedroom house in West Yorkshire to a one-bedroom flat in Herefordshire nine years ago: monthly rent went from £480 to £575. (I wasn’t allowed on the housing register: they told me to buzz off back up north)

That was also my experience of shared houses: noise, filth, squalor, no effective maintenance and shouty self-righteous resentment from the other folks in the house when I dared to have a meltdown we they were trying to record their death-metal album in the cellar.
Landlord of that place once sent his nephew round to fix the heating: the pillock took the cover off the boiler and then proceeded to hit it repeatedly with a spanner!

I don’t know Nottinghamshire: has your shire not been fully fibre-opticed up then?
I think we are here: at least all but one of the folks I know has it, and the councils plastered “GoFasterShire” signs all up and down the main roads.

Better help & protection regarding domestic violence etc. is definitely something worth having, especially if there’s someone out there who may trace you: been the punchbag of an abusive relationship before and if it wasn’t for my late granddad intervening in my life I’d probably still be there...

Big cities are... hmmm... very mixed would be my experience of living in one: on the one hand it was easier to meet people I had shared interests with due to sheer weight of numbers, on the other the continual sirens, violence, burned out buildings and so on definitely escalated my agoraphobia to the extent that I ended up spending three years only leaving the house to buy food.

Yeah: your options for both home location and work will definitely be much more open once you’ve got your license and can legally get some vehicle on the road... so I suppose you just need somewhere acceptable on a short term basis while you’re getting transport and employment up and running.