I feel stuck

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I feel like I'm about as far as I can go without finally seeing a psychologist. The problem is things like talking face to face with people I don't know about personal stuff causes so much anxiety that I'm not taking the steps to find a psychologist.
I've written nearly 6 pages of traits, childhood memories and tests that make me think I'm on the spectrum to give to the psychologist. In doing this, I've realized that there are a lot of issues that I want to work on.

I need to hear someone say that all of this is real and It's not "all in my head". I need to hear it in order to give me the motivation to do something about it.
AS explains so much in my life that I'm amazed that it took me this long to connect the dots. (actually, the people around me connected the dots and brought AS to my attention)
I'm also afraid that the psych will say I don't have AS and I'll feel like I've wasted the past 5 months obsessing over something that doesn't apply to me. I hope I'm right (and hope the psych agrees) about having AS.

I know it shouldn't matter what label they may place on me as long as I get help with my issues, but I feel so at home and "normal" here on WP that not getting a Dx would be a huge blow to how I've come to see myself in the past 5 months.


Not sure if I'm really making any sense. I'm really tired and I just need to get this stuff out.

Anxiety about seeing a psychologist can in and of itself be a problem that you can address before you do other things. I'd be willing to guess that a psychologist has probably had some experience with people who have that sort of anxiety, who take a long time to get comfortable with talking about personal problems. Have you thought of perhaps bringing this up specifically--that you are afraid of being misunderstood, afraid of revealing things that are personal to you, etc.? Maybe they could help you deal with that anxiety itself before you got into anything else.

BTW, if it helps you any, a psychologist (at least in the US and in most other countries I know of) is bound by the same confidentiality agreement that a doctor has: What you tell him in his office, he can't tell anyone unless you give him written permission (which you might, if you wanted your records transferred). The only exception is if someone's life is in danger. He can get in serious, serious trouble if he breaks confidentiality. So, while you might be scared about talking to a psychologist, you can at least remember that this person is the only one you're going to be dealing with unless you yourself decide to bring in someone else.

Regardless of what they say regarding AS it could be useful to have another persons opinion and to enable you to work through some things. But yeah, it's not easy when you don't actually want to be talking about that sort of stuff, in my own experiences though, the benefits have outweigh the difficultness, and when things are deviating onto territory that is really too hard, I let the person know I don't want to talk about that at the moment.

I have a similar fear. At this point, I want a reason why my life has sucked so bad and AS seems to fit my mold. I am afraid that if I get a professional opinion I will find that I haven't found a place I fit and will have to start all over again. Then again, this also makes me question the legitimacy of my self-diagnosis as it is entirely possible that I am wanting something to be true so bad that I am overlooking something that will disprove my hypothesis. Then again, this obsessive, analytical behavior that has been a staple of my life since I was young does serve as confirmation of it, as does much of what I know about my childhood. It all becomes one giant circle at some point and there becomes no real solution other than to get other people's opinions on the matter. I have done this too, to the point of wearing out others talking about the subject. It's become an unhealthy singular obsession for me but I don't know how to stop just yet. I am hoping another interest will come along and blunt this one a little so that I can regain my objectivity.

I just got diagnosed with AS, but I still don't feel like I "have" it. I can understand why I was diagnosed, I tick all the boxes and so on, but it just doesn't make sense to me to put a label on something as infinitely malleable as the mind. It's like writing your signature in the ocean and expecting it to stay there.

A diagnosis is useful, but it's not defining in any way. How can anything outside of yourself define you? It's impossible. We can all group together on this forum and talk about similar things we go through but we're all just talking to ourselves, putting everything we read through our own filters, filters that are completely our own and separate from everyone else's.

Aspies may have things in common, but in the end all we have is our own experience. I feel it's ridiculous to say "I have Aspergers" and have it be my identity. I only say it to give other people a pre-wrapped (by a 6-year-old) package that they can research, and that saves me a lot of time and effort trying to get across why I can't stand being in a conversation.

So I did find it useful, in a purely practical sense, to go through with a Dx. It saved me a lot of anxiety about whether I was an Asp or not which meant I could focus more on being anxious about being depressed.

I feel the same way... Almost exactly. I'm half-afraid to go to a psychologist because I'm afraid I won't have it. I've only been obsessing over Asperger's for 2 weeks, however. I'm actually not allowed to see a psych because my mom won't let me. It's not because she doesn't believe me about AS; she does. It's just that she thinks the psych will put it on her insurance and the school will know. So, in a way, I want a diagnosis, but don't.

I feel stuck too. And until I'm an adult, I probably can't get a Dx safely. So you're not the only one who's stuck.

I had my first appointment with a therapist today, while she agreed I have it she also said I'm higher functioning compared to the clients she sees. I feel a little more validated now but I don't know if this route will lead to a Dx suitable for framing. So far her suggestion was to consider taking a JC class or join a(nother) church group, but she did give me a more usable piece of help by having me document my anxiety attacks and MDs, so at least in 1 area I know more than I did yesterday. 1mm forward is still forward