How to I stop my parents teasing me for having ASD

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FadetoBlack
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30 Jun 2020, 2:49 pm

I was diagnosed at 32. It was this year.

I notice now I have some awareness of Autism, that my parents relentlessly tease me for not understanding their humour especially as an example. When I was growing up, I was mis-treated by educators, 'friends' and my parents.

They just tease and make jokes out of it, and I find it hard because I don't really talk to anyone else, and it feels like they're bullying me.

They will not educate themselves to any level, so I guess this is it.

What a pointless exercise getting diagnosed when nothing is taken on board by my parents.

It was the psychologist who wanted me assessed, but she retires in October, so it all seems like a waste of everyones time.



blazingstar
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30 Jun 2020, 3:38 pm

I'm sorry your parents have taken this tack in responding to your diagnosis.

Do you live with your parents? If you do, you might consider moving out. If you don't, you can always leave or hang up when the teasing starts. I know that sounds severe, but some of us have found that to be the only way.

But hang in, there are other people here who will probably have less drastic things to try.


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30 Jun 2020, 7:17 pm

@OP
Get a lawyer. 8)


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30 Jun 2020, 8:48 pm

Set them on fire?....j/k sort of

If they are teasing you and making jokes you don't appreciate then they ARE bullying you. You entirely have a right to stand up for yourself and call them out. It might not change anything in terms of how they treat you but it could. More so at the very least it gives you the opportunity to set down some boundaries and maybe help curb the feeling of being a victim/helpless. - This is if you haven't already been trying to do this already

Your diagnosis is for YOU. Certainly it'd be nice if the people around you would educate themselves about how you operate but you can lead a person to knowledge but you can't make them learn/think. I don't know how you feel about your past and the mistreatment you've had but having a diagnosis can be liberating in some ways. For instance it is a solid confirmation that there is nothing wrong with you, you are not responsible for mistreatment. Your brain just functions a bit different, like the rest of us on the spectrum, and the people who have been awful are simply ignorant. It's really up to you with what you want your diagnosis to mean and how it might benefit you.

Having your mental health person leave sucks. I've had two leave and one sort of gave up? lol but i found someone else. You can do that too if you want.


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30 Jun 2020, 10:48 pm

Hi Fadetoblack ,it's good to see you here.


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Dear_one
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01 Jul 2020, 12:21 am

Can "the psychologist" contact your parents, and impress on them that teasing, while instinctive, is only effective for minor adjustments?



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05 Jul 2020, 1:45 am

I'm really sorry to hear this. It's also a shame your psychologist is retiring at a time when it seems like you need her most. I have been in a similar situation where my parents wouldn't stop teasing me about my diagnosis or mental health. It took about a decade for us to smooth things over.

I'm not sure if this will help in your situation as it would probably depend on your parents openness and how much effort you put in already. However, I thought sharing the following steps I took to help my parents understand and accept me might be useful to you.

1. I took the time to find what why they teasing me as people often make fun things they don't understand. I came to my own conclusions which aspects of mental health and autism and they didn't understand and feared the most.

2. I straight up told them to stop teasing and explained how it made me feel and pointed out how their way of dealing with uncomfortable feelings and taking them out on me is wrong.

3. I would start mentioning bits of information and would point blank just say how autism impacted me and my social life, jobs, daily living, etc...and I found out which forms of communication worked best for my parents.

4. I started to send emails with links to short YouTube videos and easy-to-read articles on autism and mental health even though it made them feel really awkward for a couple years.

5. Eventually my parents started to take a genuine interest in autism and mental health and would read full books on these subjects.

To be honest it was a really rocky process. We had years filled with a lot of yelling, crying, miscommunication, teasing, and sometimes silent treatments (my family is very emotional lol). There were many times I felt like leaving, but family is important to me and I could see where their was hope in fixing our situation. I understand the approach I took to remedy the bullying situation with my parents may not work for everyone or in all situations.

It's a terrible feeling when the people we count on the most can't accept us for who we are. I hope you find a way to work things out with your parents.



FadetoBlack
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12 Jul 2020, 10:21 am

blazingstar wrote:
I'm sorry your parents have taken this tack in responding to your diagnosis.

Do you live with your parents?.


I have lived independently for 4 years now.

It would have been nice to continue living with just my mother, but my step dad is the main instigator.

How come I get told I am Autistic yet he can behave like he does towards me.



FadetoBlack
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12 Jul 2020, 10:22 am

firemonkey wrote:
Hi Fadetoblack ,it's good to see you here.


Good to see you too Firemonkey



FadetoBlack
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12 Jul 2020, 10:24 am

Dear_one wrote:
Can "the psychologist" contact your parents, and impress on them that teasing, while instinctive, is only effective for minor adjustments?


I like to keep my parents separate to the therapy, as I talk to this person about a lot of stuff that I have internalised.

Kinda sucks that she has found her way to understand me properly to treat me, for her just to leave like that.

It was a miracle I got diagnosed within 4 months of referral, as from a GP the waiting list is 24 months



Dear_one
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12 Jul 2020, 11:24 am

Counsellors are generally very good at not spilling your secrets.



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12 Jul 2020, 12:39 pm

FadetoBlack wrote:
Dear_one wrote:
Can "the psychologist" contact your parents, and impress on them that teasing, while instinctive, is only effective for minor adjustments?


I like to keep my parents separate to the therapy, as I talk to this person about a lot of stuff that I have internalised.

Kinda sucks that she has found her way to understand me properly to treat me, for her just to leave like that.

It was a miracle I got diagnosed within 4 months of referral, as from a GP the waiting list is 24 months

Now there is a very very fine line between playful teasing and bullying. That being said if they are generally causing you harm Mentally, physically, or emotionally. You should remove yourself from the situation. You choose your family. If you don't think they are acting as a family should, You should remove yourself from the situation. Don't feel guilty about it sometimes you need to do what's best for you.


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12 Jul 2020, 8:01 pm

You learned something very important about yourself, even if you had your suspicions. I'm sorry that your family is not willing to communicate in a way that works for you. If sharing your feelings does not help, they are the ones who are stuck. You are the one who gets to choose how you respond.