Have you ever told an NT that they're overreacting?

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Like, as in overreacting to your ASD/HFA manifestations?
This is where it can be a bit of a moral dilemma - well, I don't know if "moral" is the right word - but let's say a dilemma where you wouldn't want to inadvertently escalate the situation.
I'm sure we've all had an NT who reacted somewhat harshly to our presentation and behaviour etc., maybe not like a meathead bully who would just arbitrarily make us suffer, but I'm thinking more like someone who was just nit-picky or constantly critical, and not in a concerned way (well, more concerned for them then for us ) or did so in a patronizing way.

So when faced with those interpersonal situations, did you self-advocate and explain that your manifestations aren't causing any serious harm to anyone, that you're not being deliberately insensitive (again, irony alert if you come off as though you're flippant about their discomfort!) or [indirectly] that they should just "suck it up" and you are what you are???

When I saw the article that I posted below, it said something really profound yet disconcerting, that someone who displays ignorance of unspoken social norms or cues, or doesn't mimic body language to the right degree based on level of familiarity, can literally give people the chills i.e. drop their body temperature. So maybe it's something primal that the NT can't quite articulate, from their "reptilian" or early mammalian primate brain, that is off-putting. Indeed, NT psychology is more closely tied to evolutionary psychology then ours which seems rather detached from it.

But personally, what I find especially off-putting is halitosis...then it's no mystery...I remember two separate guys I used to work with, and if they talked near me I felt like running to the bathroom to throw up but I digress. Point is, there are some more justified triggers for discomfort than others. Also someone with a bad stutter, or Tourettes, or someone who's disfigured like a burn victim...well, yeah, that can make other people more obviously discomforted, but with ASD/HFA, the link just ain't as obvious - it's that primal trigger I referred to...which is why it can be especially hard to persuade an NT they're overreacting...if it's like the proverbial dog whistle.

http://bodyodd.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/0 ... finds?lite

Yes. But that's because NTs here are more expressive and more emotional.
Therefore more anxious and more reactive in different forms.

Anxious I meant -- more like worried for me.
I just had to tell them to stop worrying and go back to their own business, that I'll be fine...



The social physics are rather backwards here.
While I have no instinctive sense of human mimicry in me, yet I'm also in a culture of collective human mimics and learnt from them.

Or maybe it's just me and my point of view.
Autistics tend to have more anxieties than an average NT.
Well, I have less anxieties than an average NT.

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Sometimes neurotypicals tell me that I was overreacting

Don't recall any particular incident where I told someone that they were overreacting

But thought they were overreacting a lot of times

Just that I did not have the nerve to tell them that

There is no inherent correct reaction to anything

Everything is either:. Over, under, or correct

You only have three options

Two of them are wrong

What is the correct reaction is subjective

Some precious lil "people" had the nerve to tell me that "you didn't seem to care". As though, just because I underreacted, I didn't "care". Maybe they were overreacting

Usually, "holier than thou" reptiles act so emotional. Everything is "cool" or "sucks". Celebration of mourning constantly

Extroverts are like adrenal fatigue

A lot of NT parents of children with ASD use operant conditioning which is to basically punish bad behaviour and reward good behaviour in order to "normalise" their child.

Of course NTs unable to control their children's behaviour or control an outburst/meltdown will invariably react out of frustration. I'm guilty of this sometimes. This is mostly the fear their child will be vulnerable and not be able to take care of themselves in this NT dominated society.

I tell my wife all the time that she overreacts to my autistic manifestations.

I stubbornly maintain my contact with my tablet.

Similar - I told my ex that she was hallucinating again, in an extremely rare attempt at defence.

I find that telling someone that they are overreacting tends to make them overreact even more

What I've noticed is that when that primal trigger is set off in the critical/pernickety type of person, it's probably not a conducive time to explain a double meaning, best to do it at a different point when everyone is in a more relaxed state.

I still found resistance to the explanation at these relaxed times, but its less likely to be interpreted as an attempt to invalidate their lived experience/reality.

It doesnt seem to stick, with particular people though, I find that I go back through the same process time after time, making only marginal steps forward.