Have people said you "lack self-respect"?

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I got the sense that this seems to be an old canard or misconception about ASD/HFA people - the corollary being that "they could control their manifestations if they really wanted to" - but have you ever been told that you "lack self-respect"?

I suspect that this mentality or harsh response may come about b/c neurotypical people generally don't want to believe that someone is unintentionally socio-emotionally "dumb" - because that's construed as [taboo] mental illness.

It could also be a subjective value judgement to the effect of "you haven't corrected these weird behaviours 'by now', ergo you lack self-respect." Or that it's something you should have shed earlier in childhood. Or that you didn't work on yourself enough or "try harder".

It could also be predicated on the expectation that you respect others in your interactions with them, and with our blundering it may appear as though we're insensitive, or aloof...and evokes the old adage "if you don't respect others, it shows you don't respect yourself" (and vice-versa). But perhaps this is a red herring.

The other more perverse example is when we're subject to bullying and there are peers watching (which has persisted into my early 20s, sorry to say) and you walk away and/or meekly say "yeah, I guess you're right" rather than getting into a physical confrontation (because who wants to end up in the hospital, or in a cell awaiting trial, right??!?) which we may think is the smart thing to do, since we already have a low opinion in the eyes of others and care little what they think of us at a certain point.

Paradoxically, in principle, it should really be the opposite: given someone with our struggles, maybe a lot of us have a great sense of self-respect in taking certain risks in trying to integrate themselves into social circles and what-not, instead of just lounging in their parents basement playing video games. Unfortunately, few see it that way.

Yes, I have. A lot of times, unfortunately, they were right

Too many times to count.

Sometimes, it’s true. Other times, it’s an attempt to force you to conform.

No they haven't. Probably because I don't lack it. If anything, I have rather a high opinion of myself, though not excessively so. I like my own ideas and my own view of what the world is, and I wouldn't want to be anybody else. If I notice anybody trying to insult me or disrespect me, I'll probably have a go at hitting back, deflating their pomposity, or putting them in their place, with a reasonably amount of success. Sometimes I just don't give a damn what they think of me, other times I might argue with them, asking them difficult questions and unpicking their bigotry and judgemental ideas. When I was working, I wasn't happy with the way I pulled a lot of my punches on account of not wanting to wind the bosses up too much, but I often used to see others tolerating quite a bit of abuse, and I could never understand why they were quite so squeamish about standing up for themselves, or how they were so willing to accept the arbitrary decisions of authority.

No.

Perhaps they mean "self-esteem"?
I struggle with maintaining self-esteem - mainly because of AS-related struggles to achieve the things expected of me.

I have been told I lack self-respect before, but I don't really lack it as much as some people say I do. There are times where someone's right by saying that, but I've noticed people usually say that to me when they just don't personally like what I'm doing or what my opinion is on something. Now, self-esteem I can admit I have a slight issue with.

No because i'm just a tad narcissistic. but also Yes because i'm a huge perfectionist, and by very nature am hugely critical of myself and the people around me. I am slow to forget my mistakes and am often embarrassed by mistakes i've made months or even years ago. But in general people say i have a big ego atleast on the internet. I don't talk to people IRL enough for them to say anything of the sort. and in Real life am very withdrawn. Until i get comfortable with people and that hasn't happened in a long time. Maybe the truth is i'm insecure about my own issues and project that onto other people. As far as lacking Self-Respect it seems I both have no self-respect and have a lot of self-respect at the same time paradoxically. Yes cause confusing answers are always the best kind. :Twisted:

I have been accused of having “low self esteem” due to being introverted/quiet and not naturally social. I think a lot of NTs assume that if you’re not an extrovert narcissist who needs to socialize 24/7 then it must be because you’re insecure or afraid.

When it comes to self-esteem, again nobody's ever passed judgement on me in that way. Objectively I don't see there's any point in pondering whether or not I'm a great guy or a piece of low-life scum, as it seems a meaningless question. Emotionally, though, the notion of how I feel about myself does resonate with me as something I take seriously. And perhaps strangely, I can never quite make up my mind whether I'm wonderful or rubbish. For some reason the idea of simply being somewhere in the middle doesn't get much of a look in, though again if I had to objectiely self-assess my worth I'd probably have to say I was in the middle, if I didn't refuse to answer the question at all. I suppose I'm aware that I have singular strengths and weaknesses, and I both like and dislike myself.

My mum said that to me on two occasions, 4 years ago.

Well, yeah trotting out that old canard, which is absurd, because often we have legitimate reasons not to want to socialize with others due to mostly negative experiences in the past (i.e. bullying or ridicule or shunning or what-have-you). I still remember as a boy in the '80s when my mom would criticize me for not going out and calling on other kids or trying to befriend them on the playground - gee, I wonder why