Do you have any examples, from your adult life, of

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XSara
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04 Aug 2020, 3:14 am

Good morning! Or evening or night, depending where you're from.
Do you have any examples, from your adult life, of pragmatic communication difficulties?
I don't just wanna know what difficulties you have, i want to know some practical examples from your daily life.
Thank you!



magz
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04 Aug 2020, 3:56 am

Hmmm, asking a direct, practical question or request and getting an emotional response to perceived indirect meaning of your question?
Like, "could you pass me salt?" - "Oh, of course, I never get it right with spices for YOU!"


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Dear_one
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04 Aug 2020, 4:30 am

I spend most of my time trying to write in a way that gets past emotional reactions to objective truth. Einstein put out one simple paper, without references, and got support, but he was writing for people who were curious, not convinced in error.
One very mild example was when I read about an air-powered car, and saw that the numbers did not agree with high school physics, nor the history of engineering. In that case, the objections were not even ideological, just wanting to stay with the herd of enthusiasts.
Another on the tech side involved a flat-earth believer. I suggested easy experiments for two years before he tried one, in a very expensive, inefficient way, and saw the curve. Then he went back and mis-read a mirage, reverting to his former opinion. His basic problem is that the Bible describes the sun and moon as two lights, not one light and one reflector. He writes about the moon without actually checking on what he can see with his naked eyes to see where it is, and with a small ball to duplicate the phases.



XSara
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05 Aug 2020, 5:24 am

magz, yes but that isn't really your fault. it's just those people are being jerks. it happens to me too.

Dear_one, i see that you are a very rational human being, but you didn't explain any social difficulties. i'd like to hear more about those :) .



SharonB
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05 Aug 2020, 6:05 am

Apparently it's customary to greet a person. I often just "get down to work". In emails, IMs or text I go back and write "hello". In speech that's harder. When saying good-bye I have difficulty stopping interesting conversations so it tends to be abrupt.

Apparently it's customary to ask people questions. That seems presumptuous to me. My style is more: I report, other person reports (or not), repeat.

Then the entire dealing with conflict, or sharing an idea, or requesting help... that if I could frame the problem or request... so often my verbal communication is a jumble of ideas or concerns. I imagine that may be related to a lack of "pragmatic communication".

I hear children can get help with this, but am under the impression that adults cannot. This is odd, b/c I follow instruction very well - I can change on a dime if something is reasonable and doable. My therapist suggested affectionately touching my children more and so I do. However, she also suggested responding to naysayers: "I'll consider that" and then disregarding their input and I couldn't bring myself to say that b/c it's a lie. That could make me non-pragmatic. :o



shortfatbalduglyman
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05 Aug 2020, 5:57 pm

The aikido instructor said "how are you?"

"Outnumbered outsmarted overpowered itchy"


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Dear_one
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06 Aug 2020, 3:02 pm

XSara wrote:
magz, yes but that isn't really your fault. it's just those people are being jerks. it happens to me too.

Dear_one, i see that you are a very rational human being, but you didn't explain any social difficulties. i'd like to hear more about those :) .


You asked about, pragmatic, practical difficulties. Could this be an example of a social difficulty?

A woman my age who had seen me working around the building where she worked once asked me if I'd like to go for coffee. I don't drink coffee, and prefer more water to smaller, pricier drinks anyway, so I just said "No, thanks" and walked off. Much later, I realized she had wanted a chance to talk. Recently, a neighbour offered to drive me and my parcel a half-block home. I honestly replied that I needed the leg exercise, but now I'm sure that she wanted to discuss her impending move.

I have also been severely ostracised for simple social observations, and still am.



XSara
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06 Aug 2020, 4:02 pm

yes it is dear_one. those things happen to me too, they're difficulties in reading other people's emotions. instead of doing it unconsciously, we do it consciously: we remember that in the past a similar situation happened and we make the connection, but usually when it's too late, after we already walked away. it seems like i understand things much later than i should, and sometimes i try to find ways to fix what i did. other times i don't even try, because my self esteem gets crushed and i tend to think that i'm stupid. i'm glad this happens to other people too, it means i'm not alone in this :)