Have you called out people on ignoring you?

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One of the biggest "pain points" for those of us on the spectrum is being intentionally ignored by others - this is a recurring theme in postings, in the literature, and in certain movies or TV. For young adults, it's the unspoken "weirdo", "loser", "freak", "incel", label that doesn't get articulated but as per the NT maxim, "up to 90% of communication is unspoken". So they continue to pursue the ignoring line of "defense" which is ineffective in us, due to the paradox that "the ones most likely to receive those ignoring signals are the ones least likely to pick up on them."

While I have learned a good deal of emotional intelligence since those early days - and applied it much better to have a "normal" life - I am pleased to say that it was the just "light side" of emotional intelligence that I used. I'm not sure what sentiments are on the "dark side" of emotional intelligence, basically where you act like a narcissist and project your shortcomings onto others by calling them rude, e.g. "Hey!! I asked you a question! You know, it's really frustrating when people lack simple social graces like that."

Also, in a group discussion your point may get ignored, and you could more passive-aggressively say "you know, it's truly uncanny that whenever some people have a legitimate concern, that's when they're most likely to get ignored - like some people just have so sense of decency or decorum."

NTs being NTs are likely to pick up that you are more self-aware than they give credit for, based on these comments - but again, this is using "the dark side" of emotional intelligence, so beware!
Either they may apologize or express contrition, or become more outwardly hostile - esp. if you're a young male in that "volatile" 18-24 age group, one of them (or more) may loudly berate you, or threaten or assault you

Another one is the "reciprocity" guilt manipulation, i.e. "so that's how it works - I give you the courtesy to acknowledge your comment and answer your question, but you pretend I'm not here when I do the same????!"

I remember an anecdote from when I was 26, a year before my Asperger's diagnosis (now ASD/HFA of course), when I was walking downtown and a fella perhaps a few years younger than me approached me, he mumbled about needing spare change, and I just nervously quickened my pace...then he called out "excuse me!!" rather aggressively, then ran up past me in front of my face and said "You know, there are people like us who are struggling to just exist, who want to have a normal life like everyone else, and we don't get the recognition we deserve." - I sheepishly apologized, but still said I had no money as I was reluctant to pull out my wallet - I just said "you're right, I was wrong on that one, I wish you all the best" and that satisfied him so he left.

OF course, despite feeling the temptation to react and say what he said in some social situations with peers while living off-campus at college/uni, I would NEVER do so, for fear that it would invite more ridicule and contempt, and maybe a couple of meathead jock-types would pour beer on my head while cackling

I suppose a curt "why are you ignoring me?" might be less confrontational, and more aimed at fostering reconciliation, but I doubt you'd get an overly positive reply on that one, either. If anything, it might be a little too honest, if you know what I mean

I tried that....it doesn't work.

I don't care if people ignore me, anyway. That's their problem

I'm usually too shy to try to re-insert myself into a conversation when I realize nobody is listening to a word I say. I think I've said something to my immediate family a few times about how they're often interrupting me once a conversation is over (so there's actually time for me to talk before someone else jumps in, I really don't know how NTs follow each other's words so quickly sometimes, usually without interrupting each other), but it never really does any good.

Yes, many times; and it never went well until they suddenly needed my attention and I just blew them off.

How can you tell if it's intentional? I feel like people sometimes just don't get back to me, because they're "swamped" or something, or don't know how to respond, and then run out of time and feel like it's too late (I've done this myself, though it isn't common). I've had people I couldn't seem to get through to, I figure they missed the email or didn't hear me or got distracted. I don't take it personally most of the time, I think usually it's something they're doing unconsciously, or because they have other stuff going on. Others in my life have told me that this is usually what happens if someone seems to ignore you...they just have too much other stuff to worry about and they can't get to it. But maybe we're talking about different kinds of situations. I've definitely felt ignored but also not wanted to assume it was intentional. But that's still no excuse (claiming that they meant to or are sorry or whatever, that's not fair). There's usually some weird psychological reason behind it, though I'm not always able to figure out what it is.

The "weird" psychological reason IS...wait for it................"because you're different".

To our highly rational HFA brains, of course this "reason" makes no sense.

Of course, everyone is different - but in our case, they can't figure out WHY. Our differences make no sense to them, so we end up being cast out.

Good for you!! Who needs a fair-weather friend like that. Reminds me of watching Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle recently where the wolves and bears and such all ban Mowgli from their jungle paradise, so he goes into a human settlement and suddenly when the animals need Mowgli's help again, he refuses.

I make it habit of verifying people's existence,


When I first came here, I was largely ignored, but if I wasn't, was often criticised for my views.
Overwhelmingly, I didn't give a crap and continued my quest for self-improvement and enjoyed exercising my creativity.

I get more respect/support, from some quarters, these days.

Maybe you're right...thanks for the insight, I'll try to keep that in mind.