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Parents with Suspected Autism and ADHD

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kealohalea
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14 Sep 2020, 2:25 pm

Hi! New to this forum, and specifically came in search of finding information and camaraderie on people who have a parent who they strongly suspect is autistic. Realizing that being raised by someone who did not even know they have autism is both a revelation and also shockingly damaging at the same time. Is there a thread for those who have parents with autism? And whether their offspring is NT or ASD, I feel it would be both comforting and informational to trade stories and advice on how to grapple with the invalidation (from lack of theory of mind) yet, know the pure love the parent has for their kid.



aquafelix
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15 Sep 2020, 4:23 am

I'm certain there would be threads on the topic which you could search. I'm certain my dad has both (as do I). He is in his eighties now and self diagnosed with ADHD but the autism is obvious to the family. I wouldn't say he was or is invalidating of others emotions. He just intellectualises them, which was very frustrating as a teenager and I didn't get him until I was in my mid twenties. I rarely see him express much emotion, but I know he feels things very deeply as he is a writer and expresses himself in his books.



Pieplup
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15 Sep 2020, 5:27 am

kealohalea wrote:
Hi! New to this forum, and specifically came in search of finding information and camaraderie on people who have a parent who they strongly suspect is autistic. Realizing that being raised by someone who did not even know they have autism is both a revelation and also shockingly damaging at the same time. Is there a thread for those who have parents with autism? And whether their offspring is NT or ASD, I feel it would be both comforting and informational to trade stories and advice on how to grapple with the invalidation (from lack of theory of mind) yet, know the pure love the parent has for their kid.

Quite a number of people suspect various members of their family are autistic including and to some extent especially parents. There are also plenty of people who when their child is diagnosed the they realize they too may be autistic. Family members of Autistic people also sometimes display autistic traits. (I.E. My sister has minor auditory sensory issues. As well as difficulty ignoring sounds.) But it seems people on the Broader Autism Phenotype don't have traits that are severe enough to cause issues in their life. I think this contributes to that. I'm also sure there are plenty who have enough traits that are significant enough to be diagnosed. As for parents who have autism. There is a thread called Parents on the Spectrum. But that's for people who have autism and are a parent. Also, I don't think that the theory of mind thing is true. I for one don't really have any problems with the theory of mind. I don't think ti's a theory of mind issue, but that a lot of autistic people aren't big on giving emotional support. They don't try to sympathize, but they try to help you solve your own problems. And a lot of people aren't looking for that but are look for comforting. I mean what exactly do you mean by invalidation? Wait aren't I technically invalidating right now? :scratch: That's a bit ironic. I can understand how that would be damaging to the kid.


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SocOfAutism
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15 Sep 2020, 8:07 am

Maybe this is now the thread for people who suspect their parents have autism and/or ADHD.



Dear_one
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15 Sep 2020, 10:10 pm

When my mother was dying, my sister was still hoping to hear "I love you" from her for the first time. I was doing another search on her symptoms, and finally found a list for Asperger's. Suddenly, both her life and mine made sense to me.
I think that she was surprised to find that she still cared about her kids after we grew up. She had certainly treated motherhood as a chore to be gotten over with as expeditiously as possible while maintaining appearances.



Pieplup
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16 Sep 2020, 7:18 am

Dear_one wrote:
When my mother was dying, my sister was still hoping to hear "I love you" from her for the first time. I was doing another search on her symptoms, and finally found a list for Asperger's. Suddenly, both her life and mine made sense to me.
I think that she was surprised to find that she still cared about her kids after we grew up. She had certainly treated motherhood as a chore to be gotten over with as expeditiously as possible while maintaining appearances.

I am the same way. I've said I love you a very small amount of times and most of the time it was being ironic or sarcastic. I express my affection in atypical ways.


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[color=#0066cc]ever changing evolving and growing
I am pieplup i have level 3 autism and a number of severe mental illnesses. I am rarely active on here anymore.
I run a discord for moderate-severely autistic people if anyone would like to join. You can also contact me on discord @Pieplup